Verse n Worse

Sometimes things happen of such a traumatic nature they cause even a dog /man/ women to burst into verse.

 The Farmer's Friend

From 'Ssh..It Happens! Rural Rhymes from Ryme Intrinseca' Paperback – 12 Apr 2016, available from Amazon.

by Jan Millward  (Author)

If the gates come off it's hinges,
or the bull has escaped from the pen.
If the mud guards come loose on the tractor,
or you need to transport a hen.

If your trousers are losing elastic,
or the horse won't move through the gate.
when you really need proper fencing,
but are already running quite late.

If the bottom fell out of your barrow,
or you need to tie up a calf.
when the sheep have broken some netting,
or you need to block off the footpath.

the one thing all farmers rely on,
for emergency use great and small
is a pocketful of baler twine,
rolled up in a neat little ball.

Jan Millward©

The Livestock Haulier

By Judy Barker.

It was the day of Fadmoor Sale

When Tony bought his sheep.

Twenty Swaley dogging lambs,

He thought they were quite cheap.

We loaded them in his trailer

But when we looked to se,

"They're o'er tight" I said to him,

"Some of them might dee"

"If Animal Welfare man sees that,

He'll have a dicky fit

And if there's any of 'em down,

You'll really be in ... trouble"

We put one in the dog box-

Had to evict old Tosh-

Got a lamb back in, got door shut

Though it was quite a squash.

"You'll be alright now" I told him,

"Now we've got a bit of slack.

Just make sure that they're all standing

When you get about half way back"

So he stopped on the side of the A64,

Though I'll never know why, to this day,

That he opened the side door to see in, and

One was over his back, and away!

Now Tony was in a dilemma

Like he never had been before;

18 lambs in atrailer, one in a box

And one on the A64...

The cars all sped past doing 90,

The lamb was by now eating grass,

And Tony just stood there bewildered...

How this state of affairs came to pass.

In his mind, he could see a big headline,

On the front of the Selby Gazette;

'Dog man caused multiple pile up

Ten years in jail a good bet'.

Tosh had now spotted the Swaley

Fixed in his beady eyed stare

And started to work him to Tony...

But the lamb jumped straight in the air!

No lion has ever pounced quicker

Than Tony and Tosh did that day

And before he touched down they had him

In the trailer and out of harm's way.

The cars still shot past doing 90,

Tony hoped there was no one he knew

And he slunk back into his motor

And departed without more ado.

And he's promised me never, no never,

Not ever no more

Will he open the door of a trailer

full of sheep on the A64!