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News Index Ricky the Lion! 29 August 2013
Arriving at London Heathrow!
 
No longer subjected to captivity, footy player, Ricky the Lion, arrived at London Heathrow Airport on board a South African Airline cargo plane from the jungles of the dark continent, where he had been kept in confinement for a year by a group of poachers, one Monday morning. The cheers of the animal passengers at landing time were still ringing in his ears when he made his way to the landing lounge where the carousels were to be found in order to collect his luggage. Once there, he began to gorge his senses with predisposition as he feasted his eyes on a beautiful young lioness who was in the process of collecting her luggage. He stared at her in wonder as his eyes travelled over her willowy physique and the scene taking up arrangement in a formation - up, down, right, left - as he kept an eye on both the young lioness and the conveyor belt. He was so enthralled by the fettle of her figure - so much so that one could have been excused for thinking that Ricky's mind was diving into an optical illusion of a mirage, which was perchance caused by the hot air of the day - as his mind appeared to be way out of the buttress of self control. It was pretty obvious that Ricky's behaviour had been borne from his lack of spiritual nourishment and little contact with the opposite sex for far too long while in confinement. Indeed, Ricky's posture stood out distinctly among the commoners since he was after all the king of the jungle; having said that he had to find the courage to approach the young lioness before he was able to unleash his charm on her. The young lioness became aware of his observation and she gave him a brief indication that she was delighted with his attention by lifting her tail up with pride. He moved forward and rubbed himself on her left back leg in a familiar appropriateness as he was getting ready to show her the best part of his tail when all of the sudden her giggles turned into a face of concern as she realised that all the eyes in the world were on them. Abruptly, he put his paw out to the young lioness as he introduced himself. "My name is Ricky. What's yours?", he inquired. Jumping politely to attention she put her own paw into the outstretched paw of the lion and shook it vehemently as if expressing a healthy feeling of gratification. "My name is Sheila," she added. "Please to meet you Sheila," was his response. "I suppose you don't know who I am and what I do for a living," he muttered. "I do, I do," she answered excitedly. "You are a famous South African footy player," she added. "Indeed, I am," he voiced. "What does bring you to the United Kingdom?" She asked. "Business and pleasure, darling," he declared. "What sort of business?" she queried. "I am promoting my country 2010 World Football Cup." "That sounds interested and what is the pleasure bit, then?", she questioned. "It is you babe, you are the pleasure I seek." She seemed to chuckle in amusement as she began to laugh foolishly. "I was wondering whether you would have a drink with me at the nearest water hole once I have retrieved my luggage so that we can celebrate our acquaintance," he muttered. She appeared to be a bit concerned by Ricky's invitation for she was aware of his entitlement as king of the jungle, the playboy reputation that most footy players have and her own position as a married lioness. In defiance of that sheila seemed most apt to embrace his invitation as she was very fond of a strong drink. "Do you mean the bar? she inquired." "Is it what they call it up here?", he added. "Yes, the bar," she answered. Temptation was playing in her mind but in the end she decided that the time was not the right one for one since she had made other arrangements. "Out of the question," she said all the sudden as she needed to get back to her den in Regent's Park as promptly as she could since she was being expected by her consort. He did not appear to be amused by her response as he had given very little thought to the probabilities that she might refuse his invitation as he was cocksure that there was no a female of his kind in the world who would not find him irresistible and to show his vexation he uttered a loud deep hoarse sound while raising his right paw in the air as if he wanted to be heard. "Could you be loved?", he asked. "I am already being loved for I am a married beast," she replied. He gave her a serious gaze with a stern regard of control as if trying to tell her you know who I am, I know my place and you had better know yours. "In that case there is no more to say," he uttered as his vanity took over his animal individuality. "Goodbye," she said once she had collected her luggage from the conveyor belt leaving him and his confidence deep in thought and in pieces respectively. Lastly and haughtily, he gave her an enigmatic look as she disappeared from the airport lounge but in his conscience her refusal to accept his invitation had dealt a terrible blow to his pride as it was so much against the nature of his pleasure and indulgence. He waited and waited for his luggage to arrive and as the last piece of luggage was collected he began to sweat and fret. Keeping his eyes on the conveyor belt and his surrounding he wondered why an abstruse silence had alighted at the airport. All of the sudden he was filled with a sense of relief as he cast his eyes to one side and noticed in the vicinity a South American puma named Diego in an overall garment flailing his paws about wildly while doing some adjustment to the carousels and decided to have a word with him regarding the non-arrival of his luggage. "There is life in the airport after all," he muttered to himself.
Ricky the Lion: "I say! Do you have moment,.... please?"
Diego the Puma: "I might"
Ricky the Lion: "My name is Ricky the Lion and I was wondering if you could shed some light into the whereabouts of my luggage"
Diego the Puma: "Pleased to meet you sir. My name is Diego the Puma. Could you just wait a minute, please, I will be with you as soon as I have finished tightening up this nut"
Ricky the Lion: "That's quite all right, old chap, there is no hurry"
Diego the Puma: "I am all ears, sir, what can I do you for?"
Ricky the Lion: "The thing is everyone else from my flight seems to have picked up their luggage and gone through customs while my luggage seems to have vanished in the haze of the day and I don't know where it's gone"
Diego the Puma: "Do you mean it hasn't come through?"
Ricky the Lion: "In a word, yes, I mean no"
Diego the Puma: "What is it going to be, then, yes or no,sir"
Ricky the Lion: "Look animal, my luggage has not come through and I want you to do something about. Do you read me?"
Diego the Puma: "Temper, temper. It is no good roaring at me, sir, for I don't know what has happened to your case"
Ricky the Lion: "Are you going to help me or what?
Diego the Puma: "I neither said I would or I would not but your attitude won't prompt me to help you, sir"
Ricky the Lion: "I am sorry I have behaved like a human but it is just there doesn't seem to be anyone helpful round here and my lack of sleep is not helping either since it has made me a bit stroppy. I beg you to forgive me"
Diego the Puma: "That is better".
Ricky the Lion: "I am sorry but what am I supposed to do?"
Diego the Puma: "You have just got to wait here until it comes through"
Ricky the Lion: "How long do you think I ought to wait before I give up on my luggage"
Diego the Puma: "Well it has not really anything to do with me but I must make you aware that there is a luggage handlers strike in place as we speak and therefore the off loading of baggages are subject to delays"
Ricky the Lion: "Look, I realise that you are busy and all that jazz but I was wondering if you could ring someone and ask if there has been a delay in the off loading of the baggages of flight SA 2010"
Diego the Puma: "Well, I am awfully sorry, sir, but it is not my office to ring people in the airport since I am only a contract worker"
Ricky the Lion: "Well, really there is not much I can do either other than wait"
Diego the Puma: "Listen, there is not an awful lot I can do to help you but I will try to get the supervisor to speak to you as he might be able to shed some light into the disappearance of your luggage"
Ricky the Lion: "Thank you so much you are very kind. I would appreciate it"
Twenty minutes later Diego the Puma returns with the Supervisor. The supervisor was not a supervisor but a Customs and Excise Officer which was indeed an ostrich - a large flightless bird native to Africa : "I understand, sir, that your case has not come through", she uttered.
Ricky the Lion: "Yes, that is the case", he replied.
The supervisor : "Forgive me sir, but could you confirm your name and flight number, please?"
Ricky the Lion: "Ricky the Lion - flight SA 2010"
The Customs and Excise Officer ( an ostrich - a large flightless bird native to Africa ) : "I am pleased to inform you that your case has been found and it is waiting to be collect at Customs by you, sir "
Ricky the Lion: "Well, thank goodness for that. It is the best piece of news I have had all day"
At Custom
The customer officer was an English Bulldog: "Good morning, sir! And welcome to Great Britain"
Ricky the Lion: "Good morning to you too, officer and I thank you so much for your warm welcome to the United Kingdom"
The customer officer: "Do you have a valid passport, sir?"
Ricky the Lion: "Indeed, I do officer. Here it is"
The customer officer: "Thank you. Is it your first visit to the United Kingdom, sir?"
Ricky the Lion: "Yes"
The customer officer: "What exactly is the purpose of your visit to the United Kingdom, sir?"
Ricky the Lion: "Business and pleasure, I hope"
The customer officer: "What is your line of work, sir?"
Ricky the Lion: "I am a footballer and I have been given permission by the Government of the United Kingdom and the English Football Association to promote the 2010 World Football Cup which will take place in South Africa. Here is the letter which confirms my claim"
The customer officer: "Thank you, sir. Everything seems to be in order. Here you are, sir"
Ricky the Lion: "Thank you"
The customer officer: "Do you intend to remain in the United Kingdom for longer than 90 days, sir?"
Ricky the Lion: "Certainly not. 2 weeks at the most"
The customer officer: "Do you have a vaccination certificate, sir?"
Ricky the Lion: "Indeed. Here you are, officer"
The customer officer: "Thank you. Here you are, sir"
Ricky the Lion: "Thank you"
The customer officer: "How much foreign currency have you brought with you, sir?"
Ricky the Lion: "20000 American dollars in American Express Travellers Cheques"
The customer officer: "Excellent. Would you care to show me the Travellers Cheques, sir. It is all in line with our procedures so don't be alarmed"
Ricky the Lion: "By all means. Here you are"
The customer officer: "Thank you so much, sir, for your co-operation. Here you are"
Ricky the Lion: "It is my pleasure"
The customer officer: "Do you have any luggage, sir?"
Ricky the Lion: "Yes I have but my case seems to have been misplaced by the luggage handling staff and I have been told by the officer who brought me here that my case is in your possession"
The customer officer: "I beg you pardon, sir. Indeed, we have got your case. Here you are"
Ricky the Lion: "Thank you very much indeed"
The customer officer: "Not at all, sir. Do you have anything to declare?"
Ricky the Lion: "No, I have nothing to declare"
The customer officer: "In that case sir you are at will to leave. Here is your passport and I hope your visit to the United Kingdom would be a pleasant and enjoyable one"
Ricky the Lion: "Thank you so much"
P.Figueras
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