This is a cock-and-bull story in its fullness and you will do well if you were to bear the strength of it and manage to avoid swallowing it with hook, line and sinker in one go but in a world of probabilities the impossible can easily happen. Be on your guards. However, you don't have to leave this site to hide your laughter or utter words with closed teeth since I am totally convinced that you would be amused at my attempting to amuse you; but long live your amusement and long live my endeavour to test your discernment and humour. Broke but content I am, there is the point in writing this story and as I take my leave I ask you not to strain your voice for a sensible person like you would never engage in a fencing match of words with me or anyone else for something so trifling as a triviality while Rome is burning.  

 

Prime Minister's questions!

 

For centuries, the Kingdom of Gondwana Land have had a form of government in which its subjects have a voice in the exercise of power, chiefly through elected representatives, where Parliament is the highest legislature in the land, consisting of the Sovereign, the House of Lords, and the House of Commons. King William Smilodon II is the sovereign head of state and David Triceratops (of Traditionalist Party) is the incumbent Prime Minister. Prime Minister's Questions takes place every Wednesday at 2.15 in The House of Commons, and today is such a day. My tale begins with the first formal question on the Order Paper, raised by the Right Honourable Gentleman, Peter Tyrannosaurus, a representative of the Horncastle Constituency in Lincolnshire, who intelligibly utters: "Number One, Mr Speaker". The Prime Minister then indexes the items in his agenda and communicates them to the House.

 

The Speaker: " Questions to The Prime Minister", he called.

 

David Triceratops (The Prime Minister, champing at the bit), addresses The House: "This morning I took a walk on the wild side of the capital and the heavens opened, and for all the misery in Gondwana Land, I wished I had stayed indoors for I forgot my umbrella and got soaked to the skin. Then, I had meetings with ministerial colleagues about matters which concern many of us and, while wandering the untamed greenwood of my thoughts in Westminster, I bumped into my old chum, Cave Bear Johnson. He suggested wetting one's whistle at a new water hole by the river Thames near Westminster Bridge.  The poor Ursus Spelaeus has been in such poor health lately since its entrails have been out of order for quite some time. I really felt so sorry for the beast, particularly, when it began to trudge on the soles of its feet as if it were carrying the world upon its shoulders. I hope that I am mistaken but I think that Cave Bear Johnson, has been given a vicious role, alien to its nature, since in its hopeless chaotic mind I could only detect dysthymia. Still, it needs to keep its thick fur and spirit in the shape of a fox for this summer Mayoral's plebiscite. The sky, then, turned red and grey with vested interest in foul weather; not a good sign, a real state of confusion, there was a warning shot, so I thought.  All of the sudden, there was a very heavy fall of rain and, then, at the steps of the Thames, more of the same. Mind you Cave Bear Johnson' flatulence was a real fly in the ointment as it ruined what it might have been a delightful afternoon. By the time we left the charming water hole, Cave Bear Johnson was three sheets to the wind and talking far too much nonsense to be sensible to the sober view of life.

 

The incumbent Speaker of The House of Commons is Jason Styracosaurus.  He presides over the House's debates, dictates the order in which members may speak and maintains order during on-going debates about a particular subject. He also has the authority to bring members to book who contravene the rules of the House.

The incumbent Leader of the Opposition (of The Proletariat Party) is Eduardo Megantereon. His role is to put the incumbent Prime Minister in a tight corner by raising political issues which are in the public interest.

 

The Speaker: "Order, order!  The Leader of the Opposition, the Right Honourable Gentleman, Eduardo Megantereon"

 

The Right Honourable Gentleman, Eduardo Megantereon (He felt his stomach fluttering and tusks clattering as the speaker called attention to his presence): "Thank you Mr Speaker. Indeed, we are all deeply worried about the state of the economy and unemployment in our kingdom. Can the Prime Minister tell The House when he thinks that the nation's economy and employment sketches will have a brighter weather?

 

The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

 

The Prime Minister  (Bullishly): "The Right Honourable Gentleman is jolly well aware that things are really sunless on the capital front at the present time; but I can assure The House that we are doing all we can to bring sunny weather to the economy of this kingdom of ours".

 

The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

 

Eduardo Megantereon (Pusillanimously): "Can the Prime Minister tell The House how he proposes to do that when his Chancellor has said a number of times that the Kingdom's economy is at the present time in the middle of a storm, and if it is so who is to blame for it".

 

The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

 

The Prime Minister: "The Right Honourable Gentleman knows pretty well that the Joker, the Highlander and their advisers, including himself, are the ones to blame for the mess in which the economy of this country is at the moment. Weapons of mass destruction! Weapons of mass destruction, my foot ".

 

The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

 

 

Eduardo Megantereon: "Mr Speaker, the comments which the Prime Minister made are not appropriate to the matter in hand as he can't go on about laying the blame for the economic downfall at the feet of the previous administration forever. What this country needs, Mr Speaker, is viable economic reforms and a Chancellor who goes about his chores in a more responsible way so that a cure for the poor health of the economy is found".

 

The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

 

The Prime Minister (unamused): "Mr Speaker, laughter is a good antidote to stress; however, I find The Right Honourable Gentleman's unpleasant sense of humour objectionable since The Chancellor of the Exchequer is doing a wonderful job while trying to readdress the economic deficit which his office inherited from the previous administration".

 

The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

 

Eduardo Megantereon (Cheerily): "Mr Speaker, he is doing it again! When is he going to stop evading responsibility for the mess in which the country is at the present time and quit blaming someone else for issues that he ought to be dealing with himself.  He has to understand that he is the man in charge of the Government now, and that he can't just pass the buck to anybody since it is his office to make decisions and deal with the consequences of those decisions"

 

The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

 

The Prime Minister (Sarcastically): "The Right Honourable Gentleman is absolutely right since a bit of common sense is far more important than a diktact which tell us what to do without popular consent. Having said that, it is frightening to visualise something that we think we have experienced before when in fact we have not".

 

 The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

 

Eduardo Megantereon (He tried to puzzle out what he meant without success): "Mr Speaker, I have to admit that I can't make head or tail of The Prime Minister's comments. Indeed, I have to say it is all Greek to me. Still, I won't dwell on that”. Nevertheless, I would like to ask the Prime Minister what steps are being taken to control immigration to this shores from countries outside the Euro Zone."

 

The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

 

The Prime Minister (Cheerfully):"Mr Speaker, immigration is an issue that has concerned and exasperated many of us for many years now and it is right that the we restrict the number of immigrants coming to settle in this country from outside the European Union. Indeed, we will do everything in our power, hand over fist, to crackdown on illegal immigrants who have overstayed their welcome in the Kingdom"

 

The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

 

Eduardo Megantereon (Gaily): "Mr Speaker, the rising crime rate in Gondwana Land has concerned many of us, can the Prime Minister tell The House what initiatives are being put into practice to resolve this issue".

 

 The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

 

The Prime Minister (unsmiling):"Mr Speaker, this is an issue that I have given serious consideration and it is high time we recognise that criminals are products of society and the environment in which they reside. It is undeniable that criminals are now much inclined to challenge the police than in the past but we must do what we must do to eradicate the criminal element in society through counselling, job creation, sport, education and long prison terms for persistent lawbreakers".

 

The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

 

"Does the Prime Minister acknowledge the need to change his economic policies which are the cause of rising unemployment figures in our Kingdom?"

 

The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

 

"Mr Speaker, The Right  Honourable Gentleman is absolutely off beam in blaming the Government for past wrongs since the current economic crisis that this country is experiencing is due to the mismanagement and maladroitness of the previous administration. Nevertheless, I can assure The House that the Government is doing all it can to bring down the number of unemployment queues.  Indeed, we are encouraging spiritual growth and personal development so that those relying on tumblerful of rice seize the opportunity to walk free from the manacles of unemployment and adapt to changes to suit their new circumstances"

 

 

The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

 

"Mr Speaker, I sometimes wonder if the Prime Minister is fully aware of the full extent of this country economic Waterloo and the damage that the austerity measures are doing to this country. He seems to base his conclusions on the microcosm of his little world where only those belonging to a social group, with the highest status, have access to. The Prime Minister and I have vastly different views on many issues but even he, himself, must agree that all is not up to par with the austerity measures that this Goverment has initiated."

 

The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

"The Right Honourable Gentleman knows that such a comment does not bear close scrutinity since The House and the general public know that I have worked long and hard to promote equality and fairness for all in this Kingdom of ours. May I say that the welfare of this country means a lot to me and my  ministerial colleagues"

 

The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

"Mr Speaker, the Prime Minister's views on equality and fairness need to be more congruent with reality since the fact of the matter is that there is a vast gap between the have and the have not which needs to be bridged before the country benefits from his equality and fairness vision."

 

The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

Mr Speaker, Despite all the notion that the Government does not care we will stick to our principles of economic reforms. Indeed, I am fully aware that a red sky in the morning usually means rain but if disillusionment arises owing to our intransigence and plan to reform the economic system of this country so be it as we are mighty convinced that we will outclass them all."

 

The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

"Mr Speaker, we are growing towards discontentment as this goverment is not prepared to listen to those who have been most affected by the austerity reforms and prefers to focus all its attention to strengthen the effects of severe economic measures which favours the more affluent sector as it feathers its own nest  while the workingman's beer gets dear and dear."

 

The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

"Mr Speaker, the Right Honourable Gentleman's appetite for tall stories is commendable; however, the Goverment does not need to measure itself against some unfounded issues which have no valid justification, therefore, we will carry on with our policies  until we either sofocate in the tunnel or we find the light at the end of it."

 

The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

Eduardo: "Mr Speaker, youth unemployment in this country is in desperate need of vitality, can the Prime Minister tell The House what solution to this issue is the Government focussing on to drive the changes which will allow youth unemployment to become less widespread."


The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

The Prime Minister: "Mr Speaker, there is nothing more unbearable than an itch that one cannot reach but one is inevitably reminded that a catalogue of failures by the past administration has left the average man without a shoulder to cry on in this Kingdom, that is the main reason for my asking the good young men and women of this country to learn the lessons of the past and make an intellectual approach to the future.  Indeed,  It is fine to have a dream but when one is trying to build a kingdom, one does not build one's castles in the air since buildings of that sort need to be fortified and well rooted into the earth in order to make them more stable. This is the reason for my believing that a good education is the most important start in life anyone can have. The need to be prepared to face the ups and downs of good and bad luck in life and succeed in today's world is of paramount importance and it is my personal belief that everyone regardless of race, skin colour or creed must be given the opportunity to develop their natural ability to gain skills in order to achieve their maximum potential so that they can make a positive contribution to society as a whole. Mr Speaker, here is a situation offering a choice between two alternatives, the past and the dawn of a new era; get it wrong and the past will hound us like a soul who made a pact with the devil."

The Speaker: "Eduardo Megantereon", he called.

Eduardo: "Mr Speaker, it takes guts to buck the system but it is a throw of the dice to predict the plight of the homeless in the Capital at the present time, and far from being a step forward the austerity measures - put in place by the Government - paint a very stark picture of the suffering.  Mr Speaker, is it too much to ask the Prime Minister and his Chancellor to take a more open-minded attitude towards the plight of the homeless and their misfortune. Mr Speaker, many is the time I have asked myself what it would be like to live without a shelter. The thought is enough to dissolve anybody into tears. Tempt God to curse that happening to one, especially, when the heavens shed its tears and lightening fills one's space with fear as one seeks protection in a packing crate on the streets of a major city.  Not a deadly sin by any means but sleeping rough on the pavement of misfortune and begging to buy food to avoid fainting for lack of nourishment is by one's own importune suit of imagination a disturbing and fulsome thought of a quite course in anybody's mind. Hell's bells and buckets of blood often helping the forces of law and order with their inquiries for being homeless could mean having no rights, no money, no security and no future since laws are often designed to belittle people for being unconventional simply because of their race, sex, inclinations and way of life. One could not imagine one's life without having a proper home to live in or hardly any money to buy things and bear the ill-luck of life and the consequences of it without a fight. Precious villain let him not pass as one stands like a greyhound in the slips waiting to run at the sight of the mechanical hare as a police car parks nearby broadcasting loudly the fact that what one gets out of life depends very much on what one puts into it while enforcing the law of the land as they see it fit.  From the outside it is easy to say anything with pretence of good to conceal reproach but those words shake no one as they are a mean to invest themselves in hypocrisy and sinful wrongdoing.  What does society know?  What do they know? What do they care? For they walk the streets enjoying fur and feathers of a good life while doing their best in order to eclipse the gaiety of those who seek the harmless pleasure of life.  Indeed. it is not an even Steven sort of life world-wide since the have not are never invited to have a good crack of the whip which the have more seem to have as a legitimate right. However, begging on the streets, living an unconventional life, hoping people feeling sorry for one's plight, would give one enough to get one by and through the day while praying heaven would bring one on the way a little luck, are not often things that heaven would condone. That doesn't sound so good now as there are people who are still sleeping rough on the streets, perchance, in an empty building or on a park bench as beggars cannot be choosers. Nevertheless, it is not healthy state to be a homeless as there is always danger about for there is no door to close to keep one safe from intruders and temptation to experiment with drugs and the path of prostitution which are always unconsciously hanging about painting and attracting indecent demeanour and lecherous beasts respectively. Indeed, what lies ahead of a homeless person is very predictable."


The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

The Prime Minister: "Mr Speaker, I am sure we have all been thoroughly enlightened by the Right Honourable Gentleman's speech and if memory serves me right Jesus first wonder was to transform water into wine or was it another piece of journalistic invention, or a cock-and-bull story, perchance, in all Scouts' honour, I don't know. However, it must be said that it is a clear-headed illustration of the misfortune of few which we are fully aware of; however, we all have a cross to bear and I can assure The House that there'll be better days ahead.  Having said that, Mr Speaker, Achilles' weak spot was not his heel but his intellectual as he lit the torch that set fire to the Kingdom of Troy.  Mr Speaker, a small-minded person will always have a parochial outlook on life; therefore, he/she will never allow his/her mind to develop the ability to make good judgements and will forever remain insular to new ideas. Indeed, It is a truism that not all dreams come true but good things might come to those who are courageous enough to try to go beyond the boundaries of conventionality. Certainly, forging one's own path in life is not a bed of roses since the competition is pretty formidable but being successful is the ambition of every insightful individual, and, as with all, an ambition is, perchance, a good enough reason to dream big and there should not be any holding back since if it is to be it will be down to one's effort and resolution; however, dreams are not made while one is asleep, since they need to be nourished with the right vibe for a longer lease of life and take them to a final frontier which might see one's dreams to be realised. Having said that one ought to be aware that not all dreams come true and past experiences have shown that tons of aspirations can crumble to the ground in the twinkling of an eye, just like sand castles subside to the ebb and flow of the tide. Certainly, in life, a cherished hope that begins life optimistically pleasant can easily become a disappointed one. Notwithstanding, it must be said that the passionate choices that one makes in life are often fraught with far-reaching consequences and, of course, those choices, together with the changes they bring to one's life, need to be analysed to measure the impact they might cause to one's sense of one's relative position and purpose in one's existence. Nonetheless, this is the moment of truth and as it is expected there is a combined element of anticipation and intrepidity on my part as I begin to strive to make every interaction with the participants a memorable one. Indeed, it is up to us all to encourage and help those who are prepared to work hard in order to achieve things in life. The bar needs to be raised so that all falls into place as we endeavour to turn dreams into reality. Coaching can make the difference between success and failure so coaches need to commit themselves to helping those in need of their service and meet other's needs so that they can compete and achieve their goals."

 

The Speaker: “Alex Stegosaurus the representative of bony Caledonia ", he called.

 

Alex Stegosaurus: "On the question of devolution can the Prime Minister tell The House when this question is going to be put to the electorate of Caledonia?"

 

The Speaker: "The Prime Minister", he called.

 

The Prime Minister (buoyantly):"The Right Honourable Gentleman is right in asking that question but unfortunately is not up to me to decide a date for such a mandate. It is down to the Caledonian Government itself to decide the date of the referendum. However, it must be said that it is a bit unfair not to let the Highlanders know when that is going to be".

 

The Speaker: "Prime Minister's Questions time has run its course for the day; therefore, discussions are adjourned"

 

P.Figueras