A rude awakening as my wife was seeing red

I woke up this morning to the echoes of my wife's animated tone of voice screaming insults to the Heavens while cursing the washing machine for its uselessness. I was in absolute spiritual enlightenment before my sleep was so abruptly interrupted that I decided it was best to keep my distance from the preceding as I sensed that the tide of frustration of which my wife was being a passenger was heading in my direction.  As quietly as I possible could, I got up and ventured into the kitchen and there she was visibly boiling over with indignation while drinking tea from the cup that cheers but does not inebriate. Still in my night clothing, I decided to make my way into the garden and remained there until the tide had receded.  I reckoned that I had been in the garden for a little more than half an hour when I suddenly saw a slug devouring one of my wife's best looking plant with a remarkable skilful ease; I could not help being impressed and, as it was a customary thing to do in those type of circumstances, I egged it on. Conspicuous of my presence the little thing cowered weakly into his shell and then it occurred to me to go back into the kitchen to fetch a magnifying glass so that I could take a closer look of the little rascal.  Plates, cups and the cutlery were all scattered on the floor but the washing machine appeared to have received the brunt of my wife's rage since it had crumbled under the tide of her frustration. Indeed, it was an utterly mess in the kitchen.  Certainly, Hell had been raised in the place well beyond its natural boundaries and my wife's mental disposition and her absence from the scene of the disturbance caused me a concern though not a massive one. Goodness me, where had she disappeared to? Perchance, she had decided to go to Croydon to purchase a new washing machine. It wouldn't have surprised me if she had done just so since she was a very impetuous sort of person. A crash of thunder was heard in the far and with a crass of ignorance and a careless attitude I searched for the device and found it.  I headed back into the garden and began to take a jolly good look of the slug minding its own affairs; a spider and a wild lizard arrived uninvited to my garden.  A ray of curiosity suddenly seized me as I placed the magnifying glass as close as I could to the trespassers in turn and made a thorough inspection of their frames. Once I have completed my research I came to the conclusion that those gargantuan monsters that roamed the Earth over 60 million years ago in what is known as the Cretaceous period had not been totally extinct. I was most definite filled with wonder and decided that the reason for their being so small now as suppose to being enormous was owing to changes in their environment, diet and their need to adapt to those changes. Je m'en vais! I must leave now. Albeit, I would like to spend more time writing this tale the dragon is back and I must see that she is doing okay and all that jazz as such duties precede all others or else she might instruct her lawyer to file for a divorce as she strongly objected of my using her pen name in my tales. Ciao!

P. Figueras