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Bowls Jokes & Stories
In this section we intend to provide jokes, cartoons, humorous stories, (true, false or apocryphal), and anything that will make you smile. We really need contributors for this so we will welcome any stories from members (or even about members) and guests Worldwide. Send them in by clicking on Feedback on the Navigation Bar.
Note: stories that are a wee bit risque are fine but remember that this is a family site.
This is one told by my friend bigbass6...
A SELECTORS PRAYER
Up and down, walking walking,
What do you do with someone who can't draw, can't roll the jack, can't set the mat, can't keep score and won't listen
The “Hopie” Bowling Club
It micht be just a “but an’ ben”
Oor clubhoose is nae sae braw
But whit it lacks in luxury
In freenship it beats them a’
We’ve got quite a lot o’ members
A mixed lot, some may add
Wi’ experience on the one side
Though oor learners are nae sae bad!
We a’ git on weel the gither
O’ that there is nae doot
Nae mony fechts or squabbles
We jist pit the offenders oot!
Ye can be sure o’ guid cuppie
And oor price is really fair
Fir we’ve got oor regular clientel
That aye come back fir mair
Oor ladies are a dab hand
Bakin’ shorties an’ fairy cakes
They slave awa oo’r hot ovens
Jist fir oor members sakes
They run an annual coffee mornin’
An mony a raffle dae they sell
Fund raisin’ is their forte
An’ it maks the coffers swell
Hiv ye seen oor zimmers?
They’re the envy o’ a’ the toon!
Nae mair corns an callouses fir us
Kickin’ bools back up an doon!
Oor ladies handle them sae deftly
On the green they work a treat
They’re sae awfie licht an manageable
Sic a blessin’ fir oor feet
Mind ye, oor men are nae sae expert
Pushin the zimmers up an’ doon
But then, they nivver had tae
Push prams a’ roon’ the toon
We hiv quite a lot o’ competitions
An’ we a’ like tae tak part
Ye should see us in oor greys an’ whites
We a’ look sae really smart
There’s nithin’ like a game o’ bools
Tae keep ye young at heart an’ fit
An’ if sometimes we canna “get them up”
We dinna really mind a bit!
That’s when ye hear yer partner shout
Yer bool’s far ower “ticht”
An’ there’s you usin’ a’ yer muscles
An’ tryin’ wi’ a’ yer micht
But it’s really a braw feelin’
When yer bool jist tak’s the jack
An’ ye get an’ “exy owy” on it
We a wee bit score o’ chalk
Some days ye get quite frustrated
When ye canna “catch the grass”
But at least yer in there tryin’
An’ no sittin’ on yer a*** (bum?)
It’s sad at the end o’ the season
When oor bools we store away
We thole the lang lang winter
Jist waitin’ fir the openin’ day
Then we a’ gither at the clubhouse
Greet oor auld friends, jist the same
Git oot the bools, the mats an jacks
Tae play oor favourite game