Christopher Mackay AKA: The legend, Lachie Jr, Croc Position: Goalkeeper Age 19 This shot stoppers strengths include, random screams at his defence, magnificent saves and eating pork scratchings by the bucketful. Weaknesses include Driving cars and a box of magners! This two time Player of the year used to call himself a striker but his cries for help were heard by no one and his current duty is to pick the ball out of the net on numerous occasions! Most likely to be found: Malkies(sadly for Croc, now shut down) or the Brass Tap | Stuart Macleod AKA: Saturn, Blandy, Austin Powers Position: Full(or fool) back!! Age 27 This star turn currently occupies the left back role, his fitness comes in handy when he has to run back from trying to score all the time! Starting his career at neighbouring Bettyhill, Stu quickly established himself a comfortable seat on the bench beside Baz. His duties involved making flasks of tea and multiple star jumps. Before arriving at Tongue, a short spell at Scourie beckoned before cementing his place in the tongue team, (although his father is the boss!!!) In 2005 he scored a goal in every game he played!! Unfortunately this was just twice!! |
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Gary Macleod AKA: Spot, Grandad Position: Manager (not sure for how long tho) Age: believed to be in the region of 30 odd!! OUT FOR SEASON AND PROBABLY FINISHED FOR GOOD...THE GAME IN GENERAL WILL SUFFER FROM THIS LOSS This old timer currently resides at the heart of the defence, His duties involve supplying the Keith brothers with tape for every match and covering Baz every time he gets delusional about scoring a goal!! Spot has won every trophy in the north league, just as well as it could be a while before he wins another! Spot once boasted a proud record of having never been booked but these days he gets more bookings than the Albert Hall!! | Marc Keith AKA: Position: Centre Midfield Age 19 This attacking midfielder is often found spewing on the sidelines before during and after games, Sadly this isn’t prematch nerves! Always willing to chip in with a few goals for the lads, Marc has many shots on goal during each game, although his current tally is zero!!! Every Saturday young Marc is seen hitting the bar, although this has nothing to do with football!!! |
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Richie Mackay Age:25 Position: Centre Midfield AKA: Lenny, Richie Superstar, Squeak What can be said about this “self confessed” Lynchpin of the team. If awards were handed out for belief Dick would be up there with best, unfortunately his bandy legs have held him back, and his on field abilities are limited!! Richie keeps telling everyone about his “17 goals for bettyhill” in the hope it will get him up front but like Croc it’s a no go!! The skipper currently plays in centre midfield and like Marc and Spot he gets more cards than Hallmarks!! Most likely to be found: Straightening his hair! Catchphrase: Ha-ha guys, Very Funny!!!! | David Keith Age: 24 Position: Striker This forward is often seen terrorising defences with his pace up front, he never stops running during a game and celebrates each goal with a handspring and once the game is over…..David switches off the PS2 and goes to play for Tongue!!! Super Dave has been banging the goals in of late for Tongue. David has interestingly scored against every team in Caithness, quite an achievement considering he stands on one spot of the pitch for the whole game!! David just needs to look at a ref these days to get a booking and sadly he is the only player to be sent off for Tongue since their Reform!! Boo!!!! |
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Daniel Mackay Age: 23 Position: Striker Dan finished last season as the clubs top scorer and has formed a “prolific” strike force with David Keith. Dan appears to look a lot older than he is, but this is just his ever growing high forehead! (although it must be pointed out that some of the boys wont be far away either!!) Hailing from Tongue, Daniel is a big Man Utd fan (answers on a postcard about that one?), who is often found in the brass tap transfixed to the fruit machine. Most likely to be found: Having secret rendezvous’s in the woods!!!!???? | Barry Sutherland Age: 24 Position: Centre Half This Utility player is something of a journeyman, having plied his trade at Bettyhill, Scourie and Durness before he realised he wasn’t good enough to play for any of these teams and decided to help get a Tongue team going, in the hope of getting a game! Years and years of experience come in useful …..when he is asked to run the line!!! This hidden gem of a player, had never received a booking in his whole illustrious career, until he was ridiculously booked last season after Richie Mackay threw the referee a bung pre-match! The trial continues….. |
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Alasdair Robertson Age: 16 Position: Left/Right Midfield AKA: Robo Robo has now had two full seasons in the Tongue colours and is often seen in the left forward position, often!!! Robo believes attack is the best form of defence, well I think he does because he doesn’t do any defending! Robo was clearly signed for the team photo, and he thinks nothing often of using a full tub of wax for his hair every game! That’s devotion!! His nickname originates from the fact we have two ally’s in the squad, after quickly and very originally being called Robbo by his team-mates! He excitedly ran to the shops to get his name on his man u shirt…….u can work out the rest!!!! Most likely to be found: Pestering the old boys with phone calls and texts or by the mirror!! | John Mackenzie Age: 27 Position: Left Defence/Midfield AKA: Travis Bickle, Fernando ‘Nando plays the beautiful game with his heart on his sleeve! On the park this usually mild mannered fellow goes quite literally bonkers. He thinks nothing of waist high challenges and nose to nose encounters with the ref. He has a sweet left peg which would be quite useful if he connected with the ball all the time…. In fact, any time!!! John is a huge Celtic fan and is often found singing "The Fields of Athenry" in the pub wearing the hoops!! |
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Benjamin Courtney Edwards Age: 22 Position: Lead singer AKA: Benny Benassi Ben learnt everything he knows about football from a soccer skills book, and its true what they say about rock stars who play football!!! In fairness to Benassi he has come on pretty damn well for a boy who we can't remember playing much footy at school. More importantly is his appearance in the team photo, otherwise we may be mistaken for a rugby team and no-one likes egg chasing!!! | Michael Gunn Age: 15 Position: Midfield/ Forward The 2006 young player of the year had a fine season for Tongue last year, playing a lot of games at such a young age and probably would have played more, but for being grounded all the time by his folks!! Young Micky has also contributed to most of the Tongue games so far this season and has already chipped in with a goal. |
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