REGRETS

The older I get the more I look back on my life and I have a few regrets and some nice memories. One particular memory that keeps coming back to me on a daily basis happened in the early 1990s. I was on my first computer course, it was a basic NVQ1 Information Technology course and I had not used a keyboard of any kind before. The course was run by ACT in Cardiff and those days the computer centre was over the Schooner pub at Schooner Way. It was intended to be a course lasting a year and leading to NVQ3 but sadly after around six months the computer trainer lost his job and a guy who had just completed NVQ1 replaced him. That left me unable to complete anything more than NVQ1 as this guy wasn't qualified to take us any further. Instead he tried to get us to do silly ten words a minute typing to gain a certificate but I refused to do such silly one day courses. The best thing about the course looking back was that after being at the computer centre for a few months a beautiful lady called Christine Horton started on the computer course. I found myself feeling great every time I heard her voice and it was wonderful just seeing her. We got on really well and had the odd chat across computers and to be honest I knew that she was the love of my life. I know it sounds corny but it's true. One day I was in the computer room and she walked in and sat down in front of a computer opposite from me. She asked if anyone could help her and as I got up about five young guys all rushed over to her. She was smiling and never looked at me but it really hurt me and as I stood watching her I felt like walking out on the course. After what seemed ages but was probably less than thirty seconds I told myself not to be a fool and to sit down and continue the course. I also told myself that I could not trust her so no future was possible. From that point on I decided to remain polite to her but keep my distance. A few weeks later I was in the computer room and she was typing on a computer in the corner but we were facing each other. No one else was in the room and she started talking to me. I couldn't actually hear her for some reason so I just nodded my head in agreement without saying anything as I didn't want to upset her. She stood and walked over to where I was sitting and put her left hand on my table. I still couldn't hear her properly and as I had no idea what she had been saying earlier I was in a very odd situation. I kept looking at her and telling myself to tell her that I love her while she was speaking so I wasn't taking anything in. I decided to stand up and go to the printer and print something and as I went to the printer she shouted “Don't worry I'm not going to touch you”. I suddenly got worried as I was alone with her. I looked across and she had her head down and looked sad so I said something to hopefully ease the situation but I can't remember what it was. She quite often was in another room as I think she was on a different course to me and it wasn't just computers. The next time I saw Christine Horton was a few weeks later when I was standing in the doorway of the computer room and she came to me and said that she was going to the other office that ACT had in the Parade in Cardiff to complete a secretarial course. I wished her all the best for the future and that she deserved to be happy. I actually repeated myself twice but she said nothing else and just looked downwards. As she walked away from me down the corridor without saying goodbye I knew that I also didn't want to say goodbye either. The last time I saw Christine Horton was in 1991 and now in 2013 and for many years I have on a daily basis wished her all the best. Although she would have changed my life for the better and made every day wonderful I just hope that whoever she is in a relationship with please treat her kindly and with respect. It wouldn't matter to me what she looked like now or her weight or anything else, I would still be madly in love with her. Maybe she didn't feel the same way about me as I feel about her. If she hadn't flirted like that in front of me I know I would have told her how much I love her but then again she might have and probably would have rejected me so maybe I saved myself a lot of grief. It's true what they say, it's better to be rejected than face a lifetime of regrets.