When the past comes back to bite you in the arse!
by Unknown - 13:33 on 04 September 2015
I must say being pregnant is doing strange things for my self development! In my day job I am a telemarketer to businesses only (not one of those that calls you at home). So you'd think when it came to attending a 2 day sales training course that I'd be comfortable doing what I do on a daily basis in front of other people right? WRONG
I was physically shaking, I felt sick, I wanted to cry. But I did it. Then I put my head in my hands.
Later on we did more roleplay and I had to go through an entire conversation with a prospective customer, with a colleague on the other end in the roleplay. That went OK. Then when the trainer asked for feedback later in the day I said "This is very personal so perhaps not entirely relevant but the reason I was so scared about roleplay is because I had a boss before I came to work here who used to listen in on every call and pull me apart on every little thing I said" I barely held it together as I said this.
I burst into tears about it on the way home so pulled over and got my stuff together. I then got home and told my husband about it. Unfortunately things that evening deteriorated between us and we ended up in an argument and he said "are you really going to let this woman who was in your life 10 years ago ruin how you feel now?"
And you know what, for that moment yes I did. I felt entirely useless to everyone. I was worried about the tiny things I'd said. I felt awful. I wanted to run away, to quit everything and give myself space and time. Then my Angel came and sat by me, and reassured me that I AM worthwhile and loved and that I matter to people. Then my cats came to sit with me, one by me, one on the baby in my tummy to send lots of love.
This morning I feel back to my normal self after processing all this. I hate it when we get caught up by something that comes up and bites us. I realise the thing I did here is I felt bad because I got upset with myself in the training. I started blaming myself for my feelings. This is NOT how to deal with these situations. The way to deal with them is to try to step back, be compassionate, and think of yourself with love. But it is not always easy.
When the past comes to hurt us, we just want someone to hold us and tell us how far we've come. Remember the journey you've all been on and that each and every one of you is wanted, needed and loved.
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