Zeus' mortal trial

The headlines impeached zeus' clean image as they called into question his conduct and comportment in the mortal world!

London SE19

 

This is a very Crystal Palace fictional tragedy that can only reside on the wings of the imagination. I hope you'll find it amusing since it has been written with the intention of spicing your sense of humour, mind's eye and open-mindedness.  

 "Zeus is on trial for the crime of spiritual seduction with intent in the mortal world"

The trial takes place at a Public House in Crystal Palace - Upper Norwood!

In every tale there is an element of anticipation and the excitement of seeing Zeus in the dock dramatically drew in the crowd. The rain had stopped and people began to crawl out from under their umbrellas to attend Zeus' court case whose only witness was a whisky mac bottle which he had purchased at the off-licence on his way to the Paxton Arms.

The Judge enters(The Landlord) the Courtroom.

The Court and Bar Attendant at The Paxton Arms Public House - Anerley Hill - Upper Norwood, SE19, in Crystal Palace, was Mr Tippler from Auckland Road who laid down a clean line over which he expected Zeus to adhere to as he thought it would be unwise for Zeus to cross : 

"All rise"

The Judge was Mr Imbiber 'The Landlord' from Fox Hill: 

 

"The bar is open. You may all purchase your drinks and quench your thirst, be seated, or hold your appetency. The choice is all yours."

The Courtroom Attendant was Mr Barfly from Westow Street: 

 

"May the indictee step into the witness box".
Zeus from the Empyrean in Belvedere Road was the indictee who politely obliged to the request, which seemed a sensible and judicious thing to do in the circumstances.

The Courtroom Attendant :

"Do you affirm to tell the truth and pay in cash for your beverage?".

Zeus: "I do". (The Court Attendance retires to his seat as the Prosecutor raises from his).

 

The Prosecutor Mr Thanatos from Gypsy Hill in Crystal Palace:  

 

  "Good afternoon, Sire. Would you be so kind as to confirm your name, date of birth and domicile?

Zeus: "Certainly".

The Prosecutor:

 

"Sire, is your name Zeus 'Ruler of the sky, clouds, rain and the human race', ageless and domiciled in Mountain Olympus".

Zeus: "That's absolutely correct".

The Prosecutor:

 

"Sire, before I begin to cross-examine you, I must remind you that it is an offence to wilfully utter mendacious replies to the Prosecutor's questions under oath. Are you absolutely clear about this?"

 

Zeus: "Absolutely!"

The prosecutor:

 

"Sire, you have been accused of defilement and promiscuity. How do you plead, Sire, guilty or not guilty?"

Zeus: "Not guilty."

The Prosecutor:

 

"Sire, these charges levelled at you are seriously alarming and it is my office to get to the bottom of their foundations. Do you know the plaintiff by name?"

 

Zeus: "Absolutely. I know the nymph pretty well. Her name is Leda Queen of Sparta. However, I have no recollection of having gotten into bed with her."

The Prosecutor:

 

"A legitimate riposte, indeed, Sire. Nevertheless, I need to establish the validity of her statement as she claims that you used a disreputable subterfuge to seduce her by transmogrifying yourself into a fanciable white swan, and while she was asleep you preyed on her vulnerability, took advantage of her state and impregnated her."

 

Zeus: "I categorically deny the indictment for I was not in her Royal nest that night. Besides, I have got a good alibi to support my defence."

 

The Prosecutor:

 

"Sire, could you tell me where were you on the night in question?"

Zeus: "By all means,...... I was salmon fly fishing and haggis tasting in the Caledonian Highlands with my two brothers, Hades and Poseidon, and five old chums, John Bishop, Boris Johnson, Gaz Barrel, Simon Kuyt and Mark Tilleard."

The Prosecutor:

 

"Sire, your five chums, as you put it, what do they do for a living?"

 

Zeus: "John Bishop is a fishmonger from Anglesey, Boris Johnson is a grease monkey from Aberdeen, Gaz Barrel is a farmer from Lincolnshire, Simon Kuyt is a Dutch fictional writer from Fox Hill in Crystal Palace and Mark Tilleard, from Mowbray Road, is an environmental officer working in the City of London."  

The Prosecutor:

 

"Sire,Tell me, are you fond of haggis?."

Zeus: "I must confess that I am not fond of the stuff mainly because John Bishop stated that it tasted like meconium. Therefore, on that score, I must declare that this particular Caledonian speciality will never be part of my staple diet"

 

The Prosecutor:

 

"Tell me Sire, does Mr Bishop know what meconium taste like?"

 

Zeus: "I doubt it he does. I think it was just a figure of speech rather than a literally provable fact." 

 

The Prosecutor:

 

"Thank you so much, Sire. I have no further questions your honour."

 

Judge(The Landlord):

 

"Mr Zeus, you may retire to your seat."

 

The defendant Solicitor Mr Sophos from Anerley Hill :

 

"Your honour, I would like to call to the witness box the plaintiff, Her Majesty, Queen Leda of Sparta."
Leda politely obliged to the Solicitor's  request and stepped into the witness box.

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty, you claimed that my client encroached on your body's natural repose and entered your dreams while you were asleep. Could you please give me a brief recount of your experience that particular night when your sleep was disturbed?"

 

Leda:

 

"Naturally. That night, my consort, King Menelaus, and I broke bread together, and soon after, he left London for Saint Andrews in Fife, Caledonia, for a golf break weekend with friends, and I was left alone and unguarded at the Paxton Arms Hotel.  The still of the night was rife with hidden pernicious issues that were intrinsically bonded to my imagination but inexplicable to my perspicacity. I was petrified of my Solitude as I had heard that the Paxton Arms was haunted; this prompted me to seek sanctuary in my bower where I felt I was not likely to be harmed. After a short time, I decided to go to bed, a little earlier than normal, as I felt very tired. I divested myself of my raiment, rested my head on the pillow  and fell asleep in the altogether. All a sudden, a large enchanting white swan appeared in my dreams and landed on my Royal nest. Impetuously, it drew me close to it and clasped me tightly into its wings. There was a veritable masculine intimacy in its lustful embrace that it deprived me of my ability to resist its urge and my will soon succumbed to its desire. Indeed, I had sealed my fate with my surrendering as I could not resist his rise and natural inclination. Tender thoughts occurred to me as I looked profoundly in its eyes. I pulled it to one side where the wind did not blow and I drew it close to me. I caressed its plumage and held it tight, and, on a sudden, it transformed itself into the image of Zeus.  Almost instinctively we clasped tightly into one another's arms. One thing led to another and in a extreme naturalism we gave free rein to our canal appetite. As a matter of course, I found myself in seventh heaven, caught in the clutches of sin with a demiurgical being, and I must confess that I was delighted with the presage of fulfilment, his rough-hew features and virility which made my mortal body glide high in the air time and time again. His ability to sustain prolonged physical endeavour above the usual level was sterling; we were both panting with the exertion at the last lap of a delightful aphrodisiac marathon which ended when we both concurrently reached the finishing line of gratification. Indeed, it was a strictly forbidden and tantalising experience in which I was driven to appreciate and enjoy, to the full, the flesh of another being, albeit, a celestial one, Zeus Almighty, from whom I derived so much pleasure; in all honesty, I hoped it could have gone on forever. On the divine steps of auspiciousness, I was very pleased to have overcome my inhibitions since I was able to responded, in a natural way, to the pleasures of the flesh and sexual release. Naturally, my demureness was a matter that required delicate handling and I must admit that it took a Herculean mental task to conquer since the most surreal secrets were revealed that night when my rational demeanour succumbed to the indulgence of the mind as I took pleasure from my temporarily fling with Zeus. Still, not fully aware of my surroundings, I woke up the next day in a state of stunned confusion to take
stock of my seemingly out of character behaviour. A gargantuan tidal wave seemed to have hit my nest as it was in a utter state of disarray; rumpled and creased pillows rested over my dishevelled hair. I took a minute to reflect on what had taken place and I came to the extraordinary conclusion that I could not possible have imagined all that series of events and experienced them all in my mind while I was asleep. Having said that only the Almighty and I knew that it had been a visitation from an agent of the Empyrean wearing an emblem of the Realm of lightning and rain."

 

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty ravishment is a deplorable state of affairs; however, from your testimony it appears to me that you were very much a willing participant in a romantic entanglement of corporeal need in which you both sought the ultimate gratification of a sinful aphrodisiac experience."
Leda: "My dear man, you must not judge me by my liberal stance but by the sort of circumstances which forced me to react in the way I did. Therefore, I find your unpleasant hint utterly absurd"

 

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty, it might all be a parody of a smile in your mind and I fear that you are letting yourself into a lot unnecessary embarrassment by relying on an extra mundane experience which has no validity in the mortal world since your testimony belies Zeus' divine station and all he stands for."

 

Leda:

 

"I don't see how you can leave aside the fact that Zeus is a sultry spiritual being who uses perfidious demeanour as a way to satisfy his blue-blooded desires. Read my lips, Zeus faked me out, and.... that is the long and short of it "

 

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty, I am keeping an open mind to your testimony; however, the evidences you have presented to this court are not pragmatic enough to help your case since it has no basis in reality."

 

Leda

 

"my dear man, I have no intention of letting Zeus get away with the consequence of my foolishness for I was not in fully control of my consciousness nor did I give my consent to his intentions that night. Besides, I believe these are matters for the jury and not for you to consider, when a decision in my case is reached."

 

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty, your great bravery in given evidence to this court so soon after your ordeal is commendable; nevertheless, I am inclined to believe that your mercurial state of mind that night  generated events of imaginative fiction which are now open to different interpretations."

 

Leda:

 

"My dear man, my testimony is not entirely dependent on my spiritual experience since that night I was physical fertilize by Zeus."

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty, this a more delicate issue with different expectations since a paternity test must be put in place so that justice is properly carried out."

 

Leda:

 

"Your Honour, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Many see Zeus as the most glorious being, ruler of the sky, the universe and all the rest but I saw through his self-indulgent mind the nakedness of his inner strength and periapt which he brought into effective action to feed his predatory instincts when he had his wicked way with me that night. Nevertheless, I admit that I was too weak to resist his seductiveness and I paid dearly the damage of my immoral comportment with my honour as I was left in an interesting condition."

 

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty, whether premeditated or unwittingly it would be very difficult to prove Zeus' participation in your psychogenic odyssey since your testimony seems to be placed deep in the uncharted realm of make-believe."

 

Leda:

 

"My dear fellow, I had you as a fair-minded and a decent sort of chap, but now, I find your continual scepticism onerous to absorb. Nonetheless, it is my office to let you know that it was not merely me with whom Zeus chose to sport with and paid amorous attention to as he also visited in their inattentiveness, Princess Danae of Argos disguised as a shower of gold, the Phoenician Princess Europe whom he deceived, disguised as an uncastrated male bovine animal, and made off with her on its hindmost part to the Island of Crete. It might be difficult for you to accept that Zeus is also physical attracted to both men and women but once upon a time there was Prince Ganymede of Troy who was taken by an eagle and transported to Mount Olympus where he became Zeus' lover.  Zeus also used his pulling power to charm Semele his Hellenic great-granddaughter, he also carried on with Themis the goddess of justice and Mnemosyne, the daughter of Gaia and Uranus, who bore him nine daughters. He did all that, of course, behind Hera's back, his wife, who was also his sister; and in my book that is incest."

 

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty, you have indeed a very fertile mind but I still think that your testimony is riddled with flaws and enshrouded in nonsense; therefore, I am inclined to dismiss your allegation as absolute fiction"

 

Leda:

 

"It is glaringly obvious that my testimony won't convince you of Zeus' peccable enterprise and I am okay with that. Having said that, my fate must have been in Lachesis' hands since all the development of events that came to pass that night were  outside my domain as they seemed to have been predetermined by the mortals' destiny maker, The Fate Lachesis herself."   

 

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty, It pains me a great deal to cross-question you about your claim but unfortunately, it is my office to do so. Won't you consider a DNA paternity test? Perhaps you might find that your consort, King Menelaus, is the originator of your fertilization."
Leda: "That would truly afford him substantial whoops of joy but it would not be a plausible step to take since he hasn't had a rise since he ascended the throne in 375 B.C."

 

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty, wouldn't you consider a feticide? Perhaps your physician could help you with that.

 

Leda:

 

"Socrates, that is the name of my gynaecologist, would not resist getting involved as he is not fond of Zeus' concupiscent appetite and would pay the earth to see Zeus falling in the dust and biting the earth. Certainly, in the meeting of mind Zeus won the first battle when he brought me to his knees and misprized my honour but my spirit was not crippled by the experience. Therefore, I cannot fake that I look forward to the day when Zeus and his kingdom fall apart and end in the hands of his elder brother Hades, god of The Nether World."

 

The defendant Solicitor:

 

"Her Majesty, Thank you so much for your cooperation and I really hope that you will soon be disenthralled from morbid fantasies. I have no further questions Your Honour."

 

The Judge, Mr Imbiber 'The Landlord' from Fox Hill

 

"Last orders, please, before the Jury delivers its verdict."
The Judge: (After a pause of ten minutes)"Has the Jury reached its verdict. If so could a member of it stand up and delivers it, please."

 

A member of the Jury , Mr Sot, from Mowbray Road, SE19:

 

"Yes, your honour, the Jury has reached its verdict."

 

Judge: "Well, spit it out, old chap; what are you waiting for? Closing time?"

 

Mr Sot: "Steady on, old chap. First allow me to steady myself with a whisky mac."

 

The judge(The Landlord):

 

"I'll drink to that."

 

 Mr Sot: 

 

"What do you mean by that."

 

 

Judge(The Landlord):

 

"Your steadiness, old chap, and, of course, to your health"

Mr Sot:

 

"Thank you so much. Without further ado here is the verdict. There was no conclusive evidence of the plaintiff's testimony to compel belief; therefore, it was natural that we, the Jury, absolved Mr Zeus of any dishonest behaviour." 

Leda:  (The pronouncement made Leda 's hackles rise)

 

"Members of the Jury; your virdict was implausible and disappointing, to say the least, for it was manufactured in an adverse cloud of mendacious content and sanctioned by the heavenly body of celestial spirits to conceal the harmful consequences of Zeus' evil deeds. In my sight this verdict is filled with flaws since it was not based on fairness but on privileges, and you all know it." 

 

The Judge(The Landlord):

 

"Mr Zeus, it must be said that you are a very lucky being since I am inclined to believe that the opinions that are generally held about you are well-grounded. You are a fake and you know it. Nevertheless, the doors of this establishment will remain open for you and your mates to celebrate until closing time. Have a nice day."

Zeus:

 

"Thanks a lot Mr Imbiber for the latter. Indeed, I am a liberal-minded spirit of enduring fame but your comments really are a real slap in the face for a heaven-sent being, like myself, whose assigment is to take the mortal world to task for evil deeds and alleviate the social evils of poverty and injustice in it; but I have to say that I respect your opinion as there could be a likelihood that you might be right and I might be wrong. Having said that it is time to cool down, and today is the day when I'll drink my mates, Gelos and Komos, under the table at the Paxton Arms". 

A ripple of laughter breezed by Gelos, god of laughter, and Komos, god of drinking and revelry, rose and fell courteously all over Anerley Road, Queens Road and Westow Hill that evening after Zeus made his pledge.

The End

P.Figueras