Non-Woman Writings

Non-Woman writings

We are non-woman; we live in desperate places, and live desperate lives. We see no end and often walk that lonely journey wondering if something, anything, will ease our pain. Sometimes we wonder if our pain is a punishment for past mistakes. At the same time we do not accept martyrdom and fight on battling our every breath of that journey. We do not know what it feels like to be treated as a woman ket alone a lady. What’s that?..... we secretly remind ourselves. We recall dreams born in youth, now a distant fragile memory of the undead. And we ask,’Why?’…..’Where did it all go wrong?’ We constantly remind ourselves we love our families more than life itself. We sacrifice for them and fail to see each wrinkle forming on our faces. We get old and live the life of the un-lived and yet again we ask, ‘Why?’ the reality is, we do not know because we have avoided living by acting our lives through other people. It’s called ‘soft option’.

Kay Reed
21/03/08

Non-Woman writings

My legs won’t work too good, they help non-woman to stay. My hands are still deformed
and my precious rings won’t fit. My necklaces won’t cover a wrinkled, creased neck now
puffy with age. I thought I was ageless not lifeless, not useless sitting in my green soft
leather recliner chair for my invalid body. My full breasts are now poorly small and virtually
non existent and flat. I cast my eyes downward on my formless body. My girth is still far to
large for my short body and I am conscious of this and therefore there is still hope for my
real woman, somewhere inside the non-woman I see and am.

Non-Woman Letter

As I sit in my green chair day in and day out, my soul weeps for lost womanhood. The non-woman in me craves a proper kiss from a proper man I used to be with. You were and are, and always will be, the love of my life and I realise your wife left you a long time ago, even before that barren place. You say when you read my ramblings that you had no idea. You also say I am remarkable. Well, it doesn’t show, never has, and I am afraid it never will.

Because I never look at my mirrored reflection, I do not see what you see. What I do know, before I was non-woman, people used to say I was beautiful. You would say “My beautiful wife”. I knew how to put make-up on and spike my hair and put on dropper earrings and choker necklaces around my perfect neck. My hands were not deformed then and I used to wear the beautiful rings you bought me with all genuine jewels. Now they are in my distant past in full womanhood, not these days of non-woman.

You wait patiently my lovely, for your woman to return to your life. You whisper “Come back! Comeback! “ I can hear your minds call. There has been much extreme illness and pain. You have ridden it well my lovely through all our ups and downs over many years, but the last 4 years of neurological illness affecting my mobility coupled with rheumatoid arthritis and a serious blood disorder, have been the worst. Thank you for all your hard work caring for me.

Your wife x

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Non-Woman Poems

I am non-woman
I sit in a green chair
It moves with me
Wild birds visit
And I study them
They feed well.
The non-woman in me
Is close always
Please go away
Let the Lady return
One day.
_________________________________

I do not look in mirrors
Just in case
The non-woman looks back
It will hurt me
To see the pain
In my eyes
So much past
Don’t come back

_________________________________________

I am non-woman
With past feeling
I no longer feel
Now
I am not normal.
Loving was natural
You are
My lovely
The one of my life.
Please stay
With me
Although I am
As you moulded.
Real woman
Come back
Before it’s too late.

______________________________________________

Non-woman Face 1

Where are you
Are you disconnected
Or are you part of someone else.
My identity is lost
Somewhere inside of me

Please wake me up,
Reach me.
My face is gone,
Mirror talk to me
My face should be real
But it is not.
I am non-woman.
My God understands,
Only he will help me
To help myself.
I am lost in my path.
Face come home
To non-woman.

Kay Reed
17.05.08

Non-woman Face 2

The mirror talks to me
The image is unfamiliar.
This is a secret face
No-one knows.
It is non-woman face.
Did I ever know you
In a very distant past.
A mother said I was vain
This was engrained in me
Like the soap
That kept me clean
From life’s soil,
Punishing a bad soul.
Such a pity,
Such unhappiness.

Kay Reed
18.05.08

Non-woman writings

I am non-woman
I do not feel like others feel
I do not see like others see
I am bereft
Senses hang around like lights
Return it to me
Was it there somewhere
Anywhere?
Please my god, give me the love
That heals all pain
Help me to recover
That witch is lost
In a distant past
I would rather forget
Will my god feed me still
That love which is lost
Grant me serenity
Grant me peace
Grant me my world
Reach me sometime
Somewhere

Kay Reed
19/03/08

Non-woman writings

We are non-woman
We find ourselves
In strange places
Who are we?
Broken minds
Pretend to heal
But it won’t go away
She and I free spirits
And new life searchers
New images
And even newer minds
Rejuvenated with life
That we begin to love
Just for the hell of it
Non-woman come home

Kay Reed
20/03/08