OH 4 - 3 Chigwell

(W Reidy 2, Evans, Whitey)

Everything that goes up must come down and, with the same rhetoric, everything that drops to the foot of an Old Boys League Table has to get it's arse in gear and get itself back into the Saga Premiership.

Without a win in 3 years and having played Chigwell in every one of those games over the mentioned period, Old Habs (OH) went in search of victory over a team that now refer to OH players on first-name terms.  This friendship seems ironic when looking to the south-east corner of the stadium one sees OH Ultra's engaging police and Polish people with ladders who spontaneously turn up to impose the tightest nets a Barnes's sports-ground has ever seen.  

Rico has apparently gone to find peace in the same room Will Reidy locked himself in over the Summer of 2007/08 following a piece of geese sh#t turning his corner-bound shot even further past the post. Rumour has it Leigh is awaiting his arrival to discuss how a goose managed to tailor Rico's goal tally.

Despite this, OH were playing some silky stuff, switching the ball quickly and exploiting the legs of Tom Nichols which now measure at 6metres a piece despite only stretching to 5.5metres last season.  With a mental understanding to rival Sting and his missus, Rico and Roddick linked up with two quick one-two's resulting in the ball calmly being laid past the friendliest keeper the country has even known.  Reports are unconfirmed that this keeper clapped the quality of the first goal.  However, if these reports reveal the total & utter fabrication of this author's previous statement then there can be no denying the thumbs-up gesture by the said keeper following OH's second.  A lofted ball by Brendan Kilkenny (previous Pop Idol contestant) wasn't cleared sufficiently and Marco Van Basten came out of retirement to scream a volley past Mr.Nice at the near post.   

2 up and playing well, OH were undone by a great header from a set-piece that Leigh was clearly not happy with.  As play resumed, Leigh was seen taking out his anger on the Polish net-putter-upper by jumping WWE style off the top of the crossbar onto a ladder that was laid across the plumber's chest.

Nervous and, as history has proven lately, worried about holding the lead, OH managed to regain confidence in their ability and held firm with a solid performance until half-time.  All this despite Chopper Harris' repeated swipes at the Chigwell left-winger in OH's penalty box on the stroke of the midway point.  Evans was heard voicing his concern that Kev was influenced by Far-Eastern betting syndicates who had placed an unusually large amount on Harris giving away a penalty in the first half.

On this note there have currently been over 400 words for one half of a sporting occasion, a record according to some, but not Chris Chan however who claims to have written at least 500 on an exciting rally he had in badminton one time.  Club fine for Chan for non-attendance on Saturday and no award for the best save(s) OH has witnessed.

The second half saw another twenty minutes of character from OH as Chigwell pushed forward:  Eoghan Quigg Broderick was a leader with Kilkenny, Chopper Harris and Mixu Paatelainen doing their jobs superbly at the back.  Mixu was linking up dangerously with Jazzy Jeff who, by his own admission, is the best OH have at beating a man*. 

With their next corner, OH did the unthinkable: they scored from a corner.  Jazzy floated one in, Chris Reidy flicked on and the ball bounced to Grandad Evans who began celebrating before screaming the ball over the bar.  However, Chigwell's man on the line didn't think the celebration warrented a miss and headered the ball back down into the net for OH to go 3-1 up. 

A few minutes later Mixu broke down the wing, cut back and swung a deceiving ball into Van Basten.  Whilst considering whether to scissor-kick or juggle three times and roll past Mr.Nice the ball cheekily nicked Van Basten's distinctive hair-line to put OH 4-1 up.  Therefore, it was a surprise to all in attendance to see OH players mobbing Mixu Paatelainen, who again had a great game.

Smudger, once again, was influential in midfield and dry-wit but paid the price for the big Chigwell centre-back's frustration and subsequently fatally twisted a hair on his leg.  This proved costly since OH had already used their one sub as Kev had left early to get to a second bout in as many weeks of fetish wedding parties.  His replacement Kofi entered the field and, whilst removing the legs of all of those in his way, distributed the ball brilliantly to the impressive Potter and Jazzy Jeff.

4-1 and brawling in an internal Royal Rumble, OH went to close the game down and instead opened it right up: supposedly blaming the recession for the need to operate longer opening hours. 

A deflection off English bootlaces made it 4-2 and a few minutes later a great finish made it 4-3.  However, the boys at the back did themselves proud and threw Martin Fowler afro's, Harry Potter wands, Welsh hands and Rhydian lyrics at every ball that came into the box: a superb performance. 

The whistle sounded which most OH players presumed was another ridiculous decision by the ref and in essence it was just that – confirmation that OH had won a match.

Superb all round by everyone involved and, more to the point, deserved. 

* NB – Russ decided not to use this ability today and instead cut in for the one cross he put into the Chigwell box….which the first defender cleared away with ease.

Quotes

Ben White to Reidy Jnr via text at 19.37 on Saturday evening: “Are you boozing tonight?  Whitey Man-Of-The-Match”.

Leigh James regarding Evans in the car on the way home: “I can’t go to Cardiff vs. Swansea tomorrow as Evans has decided to take his missus instead.  Unforgivable and therefore I probably won’t forgive him”.

Kofi to bystanders following his first challenge of the game: “Is he (opposing player) alive?”.

Evans to all within earshot following his injury: “Get me that f#ckin water so we can re-attach this hand you c##ts”.