Essay No. 27
The Discipline of Girls
BY
Madame Cecilia
Author of "Home Truths", "Labourers in God's Vineyard"
Lecturer to the "Catholic Women's League."
THE TRAINING OF GIRLS UNDER TWELVE YEARS OF AGE
I. PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES.
The philosopher Locke held that half the contentions existing between men arose from their not attaching one definite sense to a given word. All who have studied philosophy can testify to the truth of this assertion. Therefore let us clearly understand at the outset of this pamphlet what we mean by "discipline." It does not connote punishment, as some imagine, nor does it necessarily imply severity, though sternness and repression may be required to enforce a wholesome discipline.
"Discipline " is derived from the same root as "disciple "; hence to discipline men is to make disciples of them, and this presupposes a master who teaches by word and example, and pupils who acknowledge his authority and become docile dis-ciples. Now, this pamphlet has for title "The
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Discipline of Girls "; consequently we shall have to treat of the authority of parents, of their responsi-bilities, of their example, of the training of their girls, and of what they have a right to exact from their children.
All earthly paternity is derived from the Paternity of the Almighty Creator. Parents are invested by God with certain inalienable rights, and their authority is upheld by the Divine precept, which commands children to honour and obey their parents. No legal enactments, no change of custom can release parents from their obligations towards their offspring. As Dr. Liddon truly says, "Natural re¬lationships and their accompanying obligations are always the same. . . . That greatest of all human responsibilities (i.e. that of the parent) lives on, whether it be recognised by this or that passing generation or not, and on its neglect or discharge may depend the well-being of a soul, of thousands of souls, in time and in eternity."
"The family is the unit of the nation "; when it prospers the commonwealth flourishes. But if we substitute houses for homes, national degeneration follows as a natural consequence. Undoubtedly we have fallen upon evil days, because we have been led into evil paths. Too much wealth has enervated us, and threatens to sap our national vigour and integrity.
Who can stem the torrent of degradation now
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flooding the cities of our Empire ? The parents of our nation. Let them fulfil their duties, let them sacrifice themselves to train their children well, and a mighty wave of regeneration will sweep over our homes, purifying them from the miasma of effeminacy and fructifying the virtues inherent in our race—virtues which only need more favourable soil and more congenial atmosphere in order to spring up anew. You mothers who rock the cradle of the future rulers of our Empire, of the men who will defend her shores far and wide, of the mothers of the next generation, will you refuse to accomplish your noble mission ? Surely not, since noble motives and high aspirations should ever appeal powerfully to the true woman's heart. As mothers you have special duties to fulfil—duties proper to your state of life. Are you fulfilling these grave obligations ? Do you realise your obligations ? In a word, how much of your time is devoted daily to the training of those bodies and souls which God has committed to your care? These are grave questions which you will do well to face now, for, sooner or later, all parents will have to render account to the Creator of all of how they have trained the children that He has given them¬" children are an inheritance of the Lord."
"Evil is wrought by want of thought," by ignor-ance, and by lack of good will in countless families. Where shall we find a remedy for these evils ? By bringing home clearly to those concerned the grave
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consequences that result from thoughtlessness and ignorance of the responsibilities of parenthood. And this is the object of this series on "Duty and Disci¬pline." This little pamphlet in particular deals with the training of our girls, of those who are destined to preside over the homes of the next generation—homes which they will make or mar according to the good or bad training which they are now receiving from their parents.
The discipline of girls I What a vast horizon it opens out ! The training of the child begins from its birth; nay, even before, for the mother who has not yet seen her infant is imprinting on that child's soul her own virtues or defects.
Every mother should apply to herself what Wordsworth says of Nature :—
"Myself will to my darling be
Both law and impulse, and with me
The girl, in rock and plain, in glade and bower,
Shall feel an overseeing power
To kindle and restrain."
But the mother who would exercise this power to kindle and restrain must first learn to control herself, and in order to dwell in an atmosphere of calm she must refrain from all exciting pleasures. "She will find it necessary to lead a life of self-denial, to modify her dress, her diet, and her going to and fro. She may not endanger by any act of folly or caprice the physical well-being of her child whom she loves with
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passion, though she has not yet gazed on its little face."*
"During the quiet months of waiting for its advent, the mother's heart should be as a cloister, hallowed and pure. No storm of passion should sweep it, no fretful reluctance should mar its peace. . . . Great men, and great women, too, have had great mothers. A mean, petty, selfish, vain and egotistical mother will impress these traits on her child; he will draw them in with the milk which feeds his early life. For the sake of our country, let its parenthood be noble,"1- and, we may add, for the sake of the child's temporal and eternal hap¬piness. Calm self-restraint should characterise the expectant mother, joy should fill her soul, and it will be well for her and for her child. A married daughter once wrote to her mother, "There's another little ship on its way to port. I am so happy. I do nothing but sing." Would that all parents could learn to look upon the birth of a child as one of God's greatest blessings to them ! How can a mother who does not accept her child as a blessed gift of the Eternal Father of mankind be ready to welcome and to train that infant ? The training of children in¬volves unremitting Self-sacrifice on the part of parents, and, at the same time, the conscientious fulfilment of this duty, is a source of the purest joy,
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for duty has its compensations when faithfully dis-charged, even in this world. If it be true that—
"The world is full of noble tasks
And wreaths hard won;
Each day demands strong hearts, strong hands,
Till day is done,"*
surely there is no nobler task than that of training children for their homes, their country and their God !
In what does this training consist ? In great measure on the atmosphere in which our girls are brought up. If the home is well-regulated, peaceful and laborious, the children grow up methodical, calm and diligent. Most parents, often unconsciously, decide many questions for their children. On the parents' influence depend the children's ideas upon various subjects, their altruism or egotism, their modes of thought and feeling, their attitude in face of duty and suffering ; in a word, their whole future. In an officer's home the children become brave and hardy ; in an artist's home the artistic talent is de¬veloped. Alfred the Great's mother sang to her son when he was a child; she told him stories of heroes, warriors, pilgrims and saints ; she taught him to read, and gave him books as a reward for his diligence. What effect had this training on her son ? He became a musician, a warrior, an author and a great king. The majority of our good and great men and
* Aubrey de Ilere,
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women have had good mothers, who trained them in their early childhood and kept their hold upon them even in later years.
What principle should underlie all home train¬ing ? That of AUTHORITY. The children must be taught, by precept and example, to recognise the law of OTHERS' RIGHTS, which excludes selfishness and self-will ; the law of DUTY, which puts likes and dis-likes on one side and obliges every human being.
The narrow limits of a pamphlet will not permit us to develop these laws fully, so we must con¬tent ourselves by giving a few practical counsels, which may be useful to those who sincerely desire to train their girls well.
II. BEGIN TO EDUCATE YOUR LITTLE ONES WHILE THEY ARE IN THE NURSERY.
In this children's realm everything should be calm and bright and well regulated; the room well ventilated, the outlook pleasing. Good pictures are instructive, and they give a cheerful aspect to the room. Children ought to be trained to put away their own toys, to respect the nursery furniture, which should be plain and serviceable. Naturally, a mother who has social obligations, as well as the care of the home, cannot always be in the nursery; but, at least, she can have set times for seeing her children and ministering to them with her own hands. How the little ones look forward to the hour's romp with mother ! But pre-cisely because mothers cannot always be in the
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nursery, they should exercise great prudence and dis¬cretion in selecting their nurses. There is much to be said in favour of the lady-nurse, since her presence conduces to refinement and correct pronunciation of the mother-tongue of her little charges. Having chosen a good, trustworthy nurse, the mother should uphold the nurse's authority, and refrain from countermanding her orders or blaming her in presence of the children. There can be no discipline in the nursery if the mother and nurse do not work together harmoniously. Thus, if, when the mother goes to the nursery, she finds a child in the corner in disgrace, it would be very bad training for the little culprit were the mother at once to release her from punishment.
III. STUDY THE CHARACTER OF EACH CHILD.
The aim of education is "to combine the cultivation of the intellect with the formation of the moral and the direction of the spiritual life, so that each faculty of body, mind and soul shall be in the highest degree fitted to fulfil the purpose for which God has en¬dowed us with it." * The reins of good discipline, like the bridle in the hand of a good horseman, should seem to lie lightly in hand, though in reality the rider is ever on the alert to restrain or support, as occasion may require. Now, the parents who have not studied their girls' characters cannot exercise
* " Moral Education," ch. i., p. t (Anon.).
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this wise discernment. In proportion as they know their children they will be able to adopt a compre-hensive, elastic method of education based on a few general laws. This knowledge will prevent them adhering rigidly to a "cabined, cribbed, confined " system, which treats children as though they were machines and destroys their initiative. Parents have to imitate the labourer who makes the best of the ground he has to till, and sows in it the fittest seed, which is not always the one he would prefer.
Notice, too, how much a child is influenced by heredity and environment. True, he has free will, which enables him to modify his natural inherit-ance for good or evil; but atavism may hark back to very remote ancestors—a tendency once developed may be repeated in any descendant. The same physical features, talents and passions are continu¬ally recurring in succeeding generations, passing over one or two sometimes, only to be repeated with greater emphasis in the third. The mother has to deal, for instance, with a little girl of tender, affec¬tionate disposition, who longs for love and broods over her childish sorrows. Such a character needs a mild discipline; harshness would engender morbid¬ness and deceit. Another child is highly emotional —her feelings are abnormally developed. Intellectual occupations and an atmosphere of calm, combined with long hours of sleep, plain food, and plenty of outdoor exercises, are the proper remedies for such
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temperaments. The nervous child requires kindness and firmness, and it is wise to avoid the clashing of will powers which leads to hysterical outbreaks. When wise parents see that a storm is impending they will tactfully strive to create a diversion, and refrain, if possible, from giving an unwelcome order which may provoke a contest.
A daring child, full of animal spirits and brim¬ming over with fun, requires judicious handling. The great secret of managing such children is to quietly take it for granted that they mean to be good and to provide them with some occupation which, by absorbing their attention, leaves them no spare energy for mere naughtiness. A wholesome occupa¬tion will of itself tend to train their minds, give them a definite purpose, and so form their characters. The recognition of this principle is embodied in the familiar proverb, "Satan finds some mischief still for idle hands to do." Bishop Thorold, in his book "On Children," gives an example full of instruction as to the manner of dealing with the mischievous and dangerous exploits of venturesome' children. A daring boy lived in a large house built in the days of Queen Anne. It was decorated outside from top to bottom with a fringe of moulded brickwork, which jutted out so as to barely give a safe foothold for a light climber. The nursery was at the top of the house, and the child determined to climb down this moulding. The feat was fraught with peril, and the
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boy accomplished it safely. When this came to the knowledge of the child's mother, she neither wept nor scolded; she expressed no horror, admiration, or surprise, but simply remarked that having done it once, the boy need not repeat the feat, since this would be merely showing off. As the result of her tact, the boy never attempted the dangerous feat again.
There are other characters which may require sterner treatment, such as the untruthful, the cruel, the stubborn, the frivolous, the jealous, the indolent, etc. The mother of the Gracchi, pointing to her children, exclaimed : "These are all the jewels of which I have to boast." Yes, a mother's jewels are her children, and just as a lapidary requires a know¬ledge of the stone he would fashion, so Christian parents should study their children in order to guide them aright. What a different man Byron might have grown up had his mother studied her "jewel." She was a selfish, bad-tempered, and erratic woman, who helped to mar her son's life while professing to love him
IV. CULTIVATE THE CHILD'S INTELLECT.
Who can sound the depths of a child's thoughts? Often they lie "too deep for words," and no parent can train his children who does not realise this. How often we find children working out the most difficult problems, and frequently finding a solution with marvellous insight ! For example, take the instance
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of the little boy who watched his brother drawing an elephant. When it was finished the elder brother remarked, "There, Tony, see what I've made ! " "You didn't make it," the child replied ; "I saw it come out of the pencil." Then he added reflectively, "There are a lot more beasts and other things in that pencil, but I can't think how they all got in." His little brain was working out the potentialities of a lead pencil, which are practically infinite. Again, take the way in which a little girl resolved the problem as to why the new baby never spoke. It was be¬cause "baby saw such a lot of wonderful things before she came here, when she was with God, that she cannot speak until she has forgotten them " —a solution which would have enchanted our lake poet.
Children have an insatiable desire for knowledge, and a great attraction for continuity. How often the questions "Why ? " and "What happened then ? " are on their lips ! Many of their "mischievous tricks " (as we call them) and works of destruction are prompted by the desire to gain information. They investigate to see what things are made of ; they destroy something simply to see what will happen in consequence. When girls ask questions on matters which the mother does not desire to answer fully, the replies to their questions, though vague, should be absolutely true as far as they go. Mothers should never deceive their children, nor put them off with
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foolish answers. The problem of human birth puzzles children, and naturally they question about it. A lady (known to the writer) who trains her girls ad¬mirably, answers the little ones thus : "Baby came from Babyland, where Nurse Nature looked after her." When the children ask further details of "Babyland," she replies, "Well, dear, it is so long ago since I left it that I cannot remember. But do you remember anything, for it is not so long since you were there? " Such answers suffice to satisfy young children; with older girls the question is not so simple.
V. THE CULTIVATION OF THE CHRISTIAN VIRTUES.
Parents' duties consist in training their children physically, morally, and intellectually. We have spoken of the physical and intellectual cultivation, and must now turn to the discussion of those moral virtues of which the foundation should be laid in childhood and built up year by year. The Christian moral virtues are good habits of the soul.
It is said that when someone quoted the proverb, "Habit is second nature," in -Wellington's hearing, he exclaimed, "Second nature I Why, habit is ten natures ! " Education consists precisely in implant¬ing good habits in the child's soul. All bad habits must be overcome by good ones, and in instilling these good habits it is extremely important that there should be no break or interruption, for every habit has its record, its path in the brain, and the only way
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to change a habit is to persevere in blocking that pathway and causing the formation of a new and better pathway by the contrary habit or by a better one. Until the new habit is acquired the parents must never yield, since by so doing they undo much of their previous work. Children are so prompt to profit by the first opportunity of taking up their old bad habits. Thus a little child had been told never to sit down to dinner without her pinafore, and gener¬ally she obeyed. One day, however, the child sat down to dinner without it. The mother, perceiving the omission, sent her to fetch the pinafore, and on her return remarked, "Gladys, why did you come to dinner without your pinafore? You know you always have to go and put it on when you come without it." "Not always, mamma," replied the child; "last week you once forgot to send me for it."
In fighting against children's bad habits, it is good to discover the root of the habit, and to strive to uproot that. For example, a child is always late for dinner because she will not put away her toys when told. Evidently she needs to be trained to obey—obedience will render her punctual.
Parents should talk confidentially to their child¬ren, and point out the evil consequences which follow bad habits if they are not corrected; in a word, they should lead the child to desire its own amendment. If a bad habit comes from curiosity, give the child wholesome knowledge; if it springs from a restless
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activity, provide some distraction or pleasing occu-pation which will turn the attention into another groove. An example will render this clearer. A little girl was given to fretting and pouting. The mother, wishing to correct her, suggested that " Jack Fret " and "Tom Pout " were two naughty sprites, who came over the garden wall, and that in order to get rid of them the child must chase them round the garden and send them away. The ruse succeeded. The little one, running quickly round the garden, whip in hand, lashing vigorously right and left, took a little wholesome exercise, had her thoughts turned in another direction, and came back to the nursery cheerful and contented. Children love fictitious per-sonages; many live in a little world of romance of their own creation, and this love of exercising the imagination may be utilised as a means of correcting fretfulness and bad habits.
Twelve good habits is a good inheritance, and one which no reverse in stocks and shares can affect. A child who is started in life with the good habits or virtues of obedience, respect for authority, truth, self-control, self-reliance, modesty and simplicity, un¬selfishness, cheerfulness, devotion to duty, charity, and piety, is a millionaire. Loving parents, with the co-operation of the little ones, can implant these virtues in their souls. It will not be an easy task, for children's wills are weak as a controlling power, their human nature is very strong ; but "practice
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makes perfect," and the parents who train their children aright are at the same time perfecting their
own education. Let us consider in detail the virtues
enumerated above; their number need not frighten us, for the virtues ever go hand in hand. Therefore
the parents who train their child well in one single
virtue, train her practically in all, since every virtue calls for the exercise of will power, now in one direc-
tion, now in another. A good habit which at first is weak as a cobweb finishes by becoming as strong as a cable; as Thackeray has so pithily said : "Sow an act, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character."
(1) Obedience is a virtue which consists in controlling a child's will, so that he or she complies willingly with a reasonable command; is an act by which the inner "ought" is made to balance the outward "must." How are Christian parents to train their children to practise the virtue of obedience ? By steadily adhering to the few simple rules which great educators have laid down and of which experience has proved the wisdom :
a. Let it be clearly understood that you expect to be obeyed.
b. Take it for granted that your children mean to obey.
c. Never give unreasonable or unnecessary orders, and be sure that your children understand your wishes clearly.
d. Be consistent in giving your commands.
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e. Avoid giving an unwelcome order just when a child is badly disposed, or when you your-self are excited or angry. It is wise at times to "be to their faults a little blind."
f. In the children's hearing never laugh about or relate their misdemeanours, and avoid speak¬ing with pride of your own childish faults.
g. Appeal to the highest motive of obedience—the rights of God over His creatures. Explain how He invests parents and superiors with some of His authority, and refer to the obedience of the Holy Child Jesus at Nazareth. A picture of the little home at Nazareth should find a place in every nursery, as well as one of Christ blessing little children.
(2) Respect for Authority.—This is one of the foundation stones of obedience. Children should be trained to speak respectfully of and to their nurses, teachers, parents and grandparents. Special respect for the aged should characterise a well-trained child. In order to implant this respect for authority, parents should refrain themselves from criticisms of teachers, ministers, and even of the civil authorities, in their children's presence. If certain dignitaries are blame¬worthy, at least the office commands respect, and this distinction is frequently forgotten. Another means of inculcating respect for superiors is never to allow children to give nicknames to their parents, or even to their elder brothers and sisters.
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(3) Truthfulness.—"Truth is a corner-stone in character, and if it be not firmly laid in youth, there will ever be a weak spot in the foundation."* Untruthfulness may spring from a certain thought-lessness in ascertaining the facts of the case, from exaggeration in relating an incident, or from a deliberate intention to deceive (either from malice or cowardice). The remedy is different for each case. The thoughtless child must be trained to think accurately and to observe carefully. Christian parents should encourage their little ones to speak the truth by giving striking examples of children who, like George Washington, nobly confessed their naughtiness; and, above all, by speaking to them of the presence of God, in Whose hearing the lie is told. Also it is wise to lessen the punishment when the little offender "owns up."
(4) Self-control.—The will must be controlled by reason and by the child herself. Children should be made to understand that they cannot have their desires satisfied at the expense of others' rights or of duty. Also it must be made plain to them that they can say "No" to themselves and enforce obedience.
Those whose wills have been carefully trained from childhood "little by little, come to the realisa-tion that free-will is not the liberty to do whatever one likes, but the power to compel one's self to obey
* Ruby Ellis in "By Others' Faults."
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the laws of right, to do what ought to be done in the very face of otherwise overwhelming impulse."
Want of self-control leads to lamentable exhi-bitions of temper. Even a baby of a few months will strive to get what it wants by kicking and screaming. Manifestly the remedy is to refuse habitually the coveted permission or thing. When children know that to kick and shriek for something is the way not to get it, they will soon cease these violent demonstrations of self-will. One of the most fatal errors is for a parent to admit, in presence of the children, that they can do nothing with them. This control of the will-power is greatly assisted when habits of order, punctuality, and obedience have been inculcated from the cradle. At a very early age some time in the day should be set aside by the loving mother for training the will of her child. (See Duty and Discipline Essay No. 26 supra)
(5) Self-reliance is another important factor in a child's education. To train our children in self-reliance it is important that they should be made to wait on themselves as far as possible. In wealthy homes we find children of twelve and over waited on as though they were infants. Let the children dress themselves as far as they can. Give them the charge of some domestic pets. Supervise them so that they fulfil these little duties, but do not take the charge out of their hands. Do not give assistance
*" A Study of Child Culture," p. 163, by Elizabeth Harrison.
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with home lessons—let the children fight it out. Teach them how to use a dictionary and an atlas. A girl of twelve can be trained to act the hostess admir¬ably in her mother's absence. Call on the children in certain cases to decide the amusements, or the present to be given on a birthday. Leave them at liberty to spend their pocket-money, but if a child is habitually extravagant, insist on her asking your permission for the purchase of any article worth more than a few pence. Leave a girl of ten the liberty to arrange her own bookshelf, and to entertain her little friends. Any action which involves a decision helps a child to grow up self-reliant.
(6) Modesty and childlike simplicity consist chiefly in the absence of all self-consciousness. A simple child does not "pose "; she never imagines that she is the centre of attraction. To cultivate this virtue in a child the mother must refrain from putting her forward or showing her off. Elegance of toilet and the undue importance attached to it ruins the sim¬plicity of a child's character. A wise mother who saw that her little girl was always seeking to be admired for her golden curls, cut them off herself rather than let her child grow up vain.
(7) Unselfishness.—Some children are naturally generous, others are more alive to their own passing interests. Unselfishness consists in being ready to give generously to others and to think of and act generously towards them. Children who have been
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petted and pampered are invariably selfish. How can children be trained to practise this virtue? By show¬ing them what real pleasure it gives to make others happy. Encourage them to lend their toys, to help others out of difficulties, to assist the poor personally, to deprive themselves of something in favour of the orphan children or of the sick. Explain to your girls that, since you provide all they require, their pocket-money is chiefly given them that they may be able to make their little brothers and sisters happy —to give presents on birthdays—that it is selfish to spend it on sweets for themselves only. Rendering personal service is an important manifestation of unselfishness. Putting others forward is another example of a generous disposition. A pretty story is told of one of our present Queen's children. The late King Edward had promised to visit their little garden plots, and a reward was to be given to the one whose bed was the best tended. One of the little princes, hearing this, dug up some of his best roots and put them in his sister's garden plot, that hers might be the best.
Games are a great means of training children to be unselfish. It is natural for a child to choose the best hoop, ball, or toy, but training can rectify this inclination, and, naturally, in a nursery or home, one child must not be called upon to make all the sacrifices. "Hobson's choice" is often a good work¬ing rule for the nursery. Take the first that comes
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to hand; if this be the rule, many a heartache and reproof will be avoided, many an unselfish action will be performed.
(8) Cheerfulness.—Give children the proper atmo¬sphere of calm, order and discipline, and they will be happy. Children are naturally cheerful. When they are fretful, the mother would do well to look to their health, for fretfulness more often proceeds from a physical state than from a moral source. Depression and dullness in a child, even though it comes from a melancholy temperament, should be treated as an ailment rather than as a moral delin¬quency. We cannot make children happy by scold¬ing them. No ; the remedy is to keep them well employed and interested in their work, to vary their games, and to give them bright companions. Such children should not be allowed to brood alone and to keep aloof from their companions. A child's sad¬ness is sometimes caused by the parents making an idol of one child and excluding the other from their affections. The unloved child feels the injustice, and hungers for marks of affection which rarely fall to her lot.
Even when children do suffer from some slight ailment, it is unwise to fuss over them and to let it be taken for granted that a headache dispenses from the usual routine of daily duties. It is true kindness to teach children to endure some little pain or hard¬ship cheerfully, since we are thus fitting them for the
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hardships of life, which, in some form or other, must one day fall to their lot.
(9) Devotedness to Duty.—Love should be the guiding principle and duty the watchword of every Christian home. It is related of Mrs. Buss, the mother of the great educator, Emily Buss, that when one of her nieces once said, "Aunt, I am sure I can¬not," she replied, "Child, never say I cannot ' when called to any duty, but do the best you can." This is a golden rule; never hesitate in the face of duty ; go forward instantly. "I will" should follow "I ought " as quickly as the sound of thunder follows the lightning. As the Bishop of Carlisle has so well said, "To put our lives under the dominion of our likings is to put them under the grinding wheels of a tormenting tyranny ; to make ' ought' and ' ought not' our watchwords is to ensure life's freedom and gladness. . . . The grandest of all the rights of man is the right to do his duty. . . . In the ship of life, conscience should be the commander, daily (like Nelson) expecting each to do his duty. . . . A great part of home education, then, should be education in duty, education in the love of it as well as in its discharge. At home duty should be the sovereign lord." *
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(10) Love is the queen of virtues, and the one which crowns all others. Parents should, by their tenderness, cultivate it in their children. Many a *" Home Life," p cviii., by the Bishop of Carlisle.
So man and woman who had no knowledge of the various theories as regards the upbringing of child¬ren has succeeded admirably in training the child¬ren, simply by following the instinct of parent love. Education without love must be a failure, since it starves the noblest part of a child—the affections. The parents' displeasure, their being grieved, should be the child's most dreaded punishment.(III) Piety.—Last, but by no means least, we must say a few words on the religious training of children. Here, again, the parents' example furnishes the most efficacious lesson. "In the twentieth century, with Martha she may be enterprising, busy, efficient, but with Mary also she will find time to sit at the Master's feet." *Children should be taught to speak reverently of all that pertains to religion, to behave respectfully in church, and to be good because this pleases their Heavenly Father.
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Parents should speak to their children of the presence of God, explain that sin offends Him, and teach them to ask His forgiveness when they have been naughty. Prayers should never be neglected.
In Edward Cooper's charming book, "The Twentieth Century Child" (which all parents would do well to read), there is an excellent chapter on
"Prayer." This writer wisely warns parents not to set their children to pray for temporal favours and then themselves "play the Deity " and grant this par¬ticular request. This mode of procedure is no pre¬paration for the child's future life. Far wiser is it to explain to children that God does not always see fit to grant our petitions for temporal favours. The same writer remarks that "Funny stories about child¬ren's prayers are told frequently in the presence of children, and it may be taken as beyond a doubt that no child who hears such a story will say his prayers again with complete devotion until he has forgotten the story, which he may do within the next few hours and may not do at all " (p. 44). Young child¬ren should say their prayers in their mother's presence, and all tricks, noise and irreverence during prayer-time must be strictly prohibited. Picture-books of the Gospel stories and simple lives of saints and Christian heroes are great helps to sound piety. When some pain has to be endured or some sacrifice made, the Christian parent will appeal to higher motives than the possession of some coveted toy. They will inculcate bravery and self-sacrifice as a proof of the children's love for their Heavenly Father.
VI.—PUNISHMENT.—This is an important part of a child's education. Some parents err by cowardice; they have not the courage to chastise; and not in¬frequently they conceal certain faults which really merit punishment from the father or the mother. As
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Spurgeon says, "If we never have headaches through rebuking children, we shall have plenty of heart¬aches when they grow up." How can faults be limited to a minimum ? By training children to love their parents, to submit to a reasonable command, and to trust their parents when the motive for the pro¬hibition cannot be given. Fear, the lowest deterrent, is also necessary, especially when the contemplated misdemeanour is very attractive; indeed, so much so that the offender deliberately chooses the wrongdoing.
The aim of punishment is to correct the offender, hence it follows that all correction should be just, i.e., proportioned to the offence and exemplary. Punish¬ments should be just. A child's sense of justice is extremely keen. A Rugby boy, speaking of Dr. Temple, the headmaster, said : "He is a beast, but he is a just beast." Consequently the latter's punish¬ments never rendered the offender indignant. Punish¬ments are just when they are meted out alike to all offenders, without any favouritism being shown. In accusing a child of a fault, parents should carefully avoid adding one jot or tittle more than he has done, since his keen sense of the injustice of such conduct generally lessens the offender's contrition for what he has done.
As a rule, small offences merit slight punish-ments, but if these infractions, by their continual repetition, tend to develop into bad habits, it would be wise to impose some more severe penalty,
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One of the most efficacious punishments is the disapprobation of all the other children in the nursery or class. Some children will deliberately "count the cost," and submit to chastisement, provided they can by their naughtiness attain to the dignity of heroes or heroines in the estimation of their companions. No penalty, however, is generally so efficacious as the discipline of consequences. Dante, in his "Inferno," fits the punishment to the crime—each lost soul "swathes himself with that which burns him." There is much wisdom in the German pro¬verb, "Don't cool your child's first pudding, and you will save him many a scald later." The child, having learned by a painful experience what results from eating too quickly, will be more prudent in future.
Punishments are exemplary when they serve to deter others from committing the same faults, and thus they serve as an object lesson. For example, a child had spent more money than she could well afford on some purchase. The mother wisely made her take it back to the shop and say that she had no permission to lay out so much money. This child was taught a salutary lesson, and her sisters were not likely to commit the same fault.
What about corporal punishment ? By all means retain it in the nursery, both for girls and boys. For hysterical, cowardly, idle, disobedient, passionate, and cruel children, corporal punishment, administered
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with promptness, moderation, and justice, is an in-valuable deterrent. It is also to be recommended for children who pick up nasty habits, or who play tricks which may prove injurious to them physically. Little children cannot be expected to act reasonably ; they are creatures of impulse. Even when they have attained the use of reason we cannot expect them to follow its dictates undeviatingly—we grown-ups do not reach this standard. Little girls who have been carefully trained to good habits ought not to need corporal punishment after the age of ten, except perhaps in exceptional cases. Boys can rarely be managed without recourse to it, at least now and then.
Thousands of children are ruined by mistaken kindness on the part of parents who would reject, as a calumny and an insult, the accusation of cruelty to their little ones. Yet surely it is an act of cowardice and cruelty to indulge the child in its self-will and obstinacy rather than give ourselves the trouble of opposing and the pain of punishing it. In many homes the children "rule the roost," and thus misery is laid up in store for themselves, their parents, and for those who have to deal with them. A certain sternness, which is perfectly compatible with true love —nay, even springs from it—is an indispensable element in the training of a child. We will conclude this paragraph with a few negative precepts :
(i) Do not imagine that children realise the
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gravity of their faults, or the evils they may lead to, as clearly as parents do, who have experience to fall back upon.
(2) Never punish a child when not master of your¬self. When parents only correct their child¬ren under the influence of passion, the latter know they will get off scot-free if they can keep out of the way for a time.
(3) Do not inflict punishments which frighten children, such as shutting them up in a dark room.
(4) Never give cruel punishments, such as total deprivation of food for some hours, painful bodily positions, or humiliating punishments which make children lose their self-respect and the esteem of their companions.
(5) Never let the offenders think that you despair of correcting them of their faults. Many mothers adopt Miss Ophelia's attitude to Topsy—" I don't know what I shall do with you ! " and this pessimism on their part pro¬duces in their children a frame of mind like that of Topsy—"I'se awful wicked; there can't nobody do nothin' with me. . . . I 'spects I'se the wickedest crittur in de world."
(6) Avoid reproaching children with their past faults, and when the punishment has been inflicted and the offender is truly contrite, let him or her be reinstalled in your good graces.
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(7) Do not pamper those who have not offended in order to punish one who has, like a foolish mother who, when one of her four little girls did wrong, would send her to bed and buy a large box of sweets for the others. It is not difficult to foresee what would result from such injudicious treatment : the children drew lots to decide which one was to be naughty, and the offender's share of sweets was secretly reserved, according to agreement.
(8) Never let children think that you punish them simply because they have annoyed you. They should feel that their naughtiness grieves you, and that you punish them because it is your duty to do so.
Christian parents who bring up their children on the principles developed in this little pamphlet will not fail to train them well. If such training be begun early and continued consistently, by the age of twelve a strong foundation will have been laid and excellent habits acquired.
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