Essay No. 6
Duty and Discipline in the Training of Children
BY
The Right Hon. the Earl of Meath, P.C., K.P.
(An Address delivered before the Mothers' Union.)
I HAVE had the honour to be invited to address you on the subject of the value of developing a sense of duty in children and of maintaining a reasonable discipline in the home and in the school. I am quite certain that there are many in this hall far better fitted than I am to speak upon such a very important subject. It is, however, a subject which has occupied my thoughts for many years, and I am strongly of the opinion that it is one which, in this present age of luxury and pleasure, calls for immediate and earnest consideration.
Some of you may have read appeals which from time to time I have made through the Press to British women and to British mothers, in which I ventured to express my fear that in some homes neither a sense of duty nor the importance of discipline seems to be impressed sufficiently, if at all, upon the minds of the children.
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There exists a modern phase of thought, often engendered by the best of motives, which neglects the future happiness of the child in a vain effort to afford it the fleeting pleasure of the moment. This dislike of discipline, and this fear of coerci
children for their ultimate good, owe their origin several causes. First, to a commendable reacti against the excessive severities of former year secondly, to the growth of a sentimentalism and ol dread of inflicting discomfort or physical pain anyone, but more especially on children, even f their highest good ; thirdly, from a certain decaden in religious feeling, and with it a falling off in t moral fibre of men and women and a weakening the sense of the overwhelming importance of t responsibilities and duties attaching to parenthood
This school of thought, principally to be met wi
in portions of the Continent, but followed by son at home, trusts entirely to moral suasion in the trai ing of children and deprecates all punishment f evil-doing.
This is a very attractive doctrine, and one whiwhich
appeals strongly to the kindly instincts of men ar women ; but is it founded on common sense, and the teaching of Nature and of Revelation ? The effor of all good and thoughtful parents will, of tours be directed towards training their children throug a loving moral suasion from their earliest years I
follow the right and to avoid the evil path.
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Here all are agreed.
But do not Nature, Revelation, and the experience of ages show us that, in the loving interest of the souls, minds, and bodies of the little ones committed to our care, we must not sit with folded arms and sad hearts whilst we see them deliberately ignore the advice which we give them from the plenitude of our experience, often gained by us through bitter suffering ? Nor can we dare, for fear of inflicting on them a slight temporary inconvenience or pain, permit them to lay up for themselves the miseries inseparable from lives which are in conflict with the laws of God and of man, and which are not directed by a sense of duty, of self-control and of self-discipline.
Without consciously accepting the doctrines of this school, there are many parents, otherwise excellent men and women, in whose homes the practical evils resulting from this doctrine may be seen in the children who are permitted to be a law unto themselves, who are never required to subdue self, and are the cause of unhappiness to themselves, of constant worry to their parents, and of annoyance to their neighbours. Had obedience been insisted on in early years all this trouble could have been avoided.
It is during the early years of life, before the child reaches the age of seven, that self-control should be taught. The Japanese, from whom we may learn
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much, find it possible to obtain the most rigid discipline in the schools without resort to physical punishment. Why ? Because the children are not sent to school until they are six years of age, but are trusted until that age to parents who are not afraid to discipline them. They consequently arrive at school thoroughly trained by their parents, so that obedience, by the age of six, has become a second nature. The Japanese have a saying, "Good parents are strict parents."
Nature is a strict parent. She never overlooks a breach of her laws; punishment, often of the severest character, invariably follows. There is no reprieve, though it be sought with bitter tears. She requires unhesitating obedience; carelessness, and even ignorance, are no excuse. Mother Nature recognises no sex distinction in the nature of her punishments; indeed, if she makes any difference between the sexes, it would seem as if she were more lenient towards her sons than towards her daughters. She gives her children intelligence, but does not otherwise assist them to discover her laws. She leaves it to them to find them out for themselves, as if she considered the labour of search a wholesome discipline, and only when they have learnt them by heart, and have framed their lives in obedience to them, does she smile upon her children. We, at all events, who are here believe that Nature is but the handmaid of a loving God, Who has directed all
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things for the ultimate and highest happiness of His creatures. If so, we cannot seriously err if we
learn some lessons at least from the operations of
His handiwork. But let us never forget that Nature through her punishments teaches self-control and
self-discipline, and that she never punishes if these lessons are learnt without them. And you who hear me, your influence is immense with those working-class mothers who attend your meetings. Cannot you, by example and by precept, show them wherein lies the truest kindness towards the children with the training of which God has entrusted them ?
What is needed is government by love, supplemented, if need be, and only if there be genuine need, by government by fear ; but, unfortunately, indulgence in some minds seems to be mistaken for love, and laxity for kindness.
Let us but open our eyes to facts, and we shall soon perceive that the unhappiest child is the spoilt one, and that it is only through a loving discipline in the home that true happiness can be obtained either by child or parent.
The Archbishop of Melbourne, in addressing you last May in Gloucester Cathedral, said : "Give us homes in a country where the Divine ideals of obedience, duty, and love exist, and all is well with that country "; and your own revered President, Mrs. Sumner, has lately expressed herself in the Press in the following impressive words : "The modern wide-
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spread neglect of home duties in all classes is an imperative call for the reformation of parents. Duty and discipline are needed for them as well as for their children, and both religion and patriotism demand from them the brave and self-sacrificing lives which are the glory of a nation's character."
" We are pressing," she wrote on another occasion, "the vital importance of duty and discipline in the nursery and the home as essential to true character training, and the school should follow suit. The modern over-indulgence of parents has already proved fatal to many a child, who under such training has become idle and self-indulgent and uncontrolled and irresponsible. Body, soul, and spirit are injured by such weak and neglected home training. One great object of this Mothers' Union is to get parents, mothers especially, to realise that our English boys and girls should be brought up in habits of obedience, truth, purity, self-control, and unselfishness, and duty to God and man ; and the result should be a glorious reformation in the character of the coming race."
These are noble words, and, coming from your President, I know that they will not fall on unheeding ears and minds.
Indeed, I am told that already the Mothers' Union, with its quarter of a million Associates and Members, has set itself the task of recalling British parents to the imperative necessity of acquiring, both
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for themselves and their children, a closer acquaintance with the meaning of the words Duty and Discipline than is common or popular in many British homes of the present day.
And it is indeed time that such a reform should take place in home discipline, for the spoilt child is, alas, too prominent a feature of the twentieth century. The spoilt child is not an agreeable product of civilisation, or one in which a lover of his country can take special pride ; never in the history of the world has an Empire or State arisen the citizens of which have had imposed upon them such overwhelming responsibilities as must inevitably be borne a few years hence by the white British children of to-day.
In former ages the burdens of Empire or of the State fell on the shoulders of a few ; now the humblest child to be found on the benches of a primary school will in a few years be called on to influence the destinies not only of fifty-four millions of white, but of three hundred and fifty millions of coloured men and women, his fellow subjects, scattered throughout the five continents of the world. Such overwhelming responsibilities have never before in the history of this world fallen upon any people. If the white men and women of the British Empire are idle, soft, selfish, hysterical, and undisciplined, are they likely to rule well ? If their sense of duty be weak, if they know not how to obey or how to endure, are they likely to rule efficiently seven times their own number,
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or to retain the affection or the respect of the governed ?
The survival of the fittest is a doctrine which holds as good in the political and social as in the natural world. If the British race ceases to be worthy of dominion it will cease to rule. It is absurd to imagine that the laws of the universe are going to be reversed for the special benefit of the British race. Britons have ruled in the past because they were a virile race, brought up to obey, to suffer hardships cheerfully, and to struggle victoriously. There exists no royal road to success in national any more than in private life.
Love of hard work, thrift, self-denial, endurance, and indomitable pluck, these are some of the hallmarks of an imperial race. Do we possess these hall-marks in as great a measure as our forefathers I shall give no answer to this question, but shall leave the reply to the knowledge, experience, and conscience of each man and woman who hears me I shall only say that if the verdict be not one of complete acquittal, the results to society and to the State will be so momentous that no thoughtful, not to say patriotic, man or woman can afford to neglect the most serious consideration of the matter.
"There are two disturbing elements in our modern life," said Canon Lyttelton at your last annual Conference, "which tell prejudicially in our training of children, self-consciousness and softness, not ordin-
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arily physical, but moral. It proceeds from the principle, which asserts itself far and wide, that what young people want they ought to have. I think you will find," he added, "that most of our great men in their early years have not been allowed to shirk discomfort merely because it is discomfort, and in all classes of society we need to work for robustness of fibre, which cannot be produced without the kind of discipline which makes endurance a matter of course, not a matter of discussion." These words were corroborated on the same occasion by the Bishop of Auckland when he said : "One looks back with thankfulness to the very fact of having to overcome hardship, and one is perfectly satisfied that if it were not for the fact of having to overcome hardship one could not be occupying, at any rate, the position to-day that God has called one to.
"You are turning out," he said, "young fellows to come out to us in the Colonies who have had too easy lives to live at home, who have had too much money, too much food, who are not to blame themselves, but who will inevitably blame their parents in the years to come because they did not give them enough hardship in their younger days. My whole heart goes out in sympathy to the young of to-day because their lives are so easy."
Lack of discipline in youth tends to self-indulgence in later years, creating idle, selfish, pleasure-seekers among the rich, and tramps,
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loafers, corner boys, and hooligans amongst the poorer classes. Let us bear in mind that no nation can be permanently strong which is founded on the quicksands of indiscipline.
Let us also remember a fine sentence of Robertson : "He is not free because he does what he likes, but he is free because he does what he ought." "The first element in all noble characters," says Bishop Welldon, "and therefore in the character of an English gentleman, is obedience. A good schoolmaster, like a wise parent, expects absolute, unhesitating obedience from the child. He issues his orders; he does not, and in the nature of the case he cannot, explain his reasons. If he argues with his pupil he is lost." If obedience be the first element in all noble characters—and I do not think many can doubt the truth of the above statement—I fear that there are many homes and, alas ! not a few schools where noble characters have little chance of being formed.
The discipline which leads to obedience, and to the formation of noble character, is lamentably absent in many British homes, and, not content with undermining the moral qualities of their children at home, some parents, by declining to permit their children to be disciplined at school, make it impossible for the teachers in those schools to develop the moral and mental capacities of the other children committed to their charge. Thus teachers are handicapped, and
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the evils of indiscipline spread far beyond these homes in which it originated. An united effort should be made to stem this serious evil which [dangers the future of society and, indeed, the ability of our Empire.
I am glad to think so powerful a body as the others' Union is endeavouring to encourage a asonable discipline in the home and in the school, and to check the growth of the sentimental hysteria which is threatening to undermine the moral fibre of the nation.
There are other organisations labouring in the me direction, and amongst them I might mention the Ministering Children's League, founded by Lady eath, which teaches obedience, self-discipline, and [selfishness in the home. Many of the ladies longing to the Mothers' Union must have heard mething concerning the Ministering Children's !ague, but perhaps few have had opportunities of alising the great importance of this work in helping children to acquire that best kind of discipline, self-discipline. The daily prayer that the members who belong to the Ministering Children's !ague are invited to use, the rule of kindness for nstant observance (for kind deeds are not merely be occasionally, but constantly performed), assist child to be on the outlook for opportunities of ing good. Few of us would be prepared to deny that this latter attitude of mind, when combined with
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the prayerful spirit, which looks above for the power of doing right, is calculated to bring about a most happy result. Self-discipline is unconsciously learnt by the little one because self must be denied if the child is to be really helpful to others; and the habit of self-denial once learnt in childhood is never likely to be wholly lost in after years.
Parents, teachers, and others have repeatedly borne testimony to the excellent results, as regards the formation of character, which have been noticeable in children who have joined the League, and the Archbishop of Sydney lately expressed his admiration for the good and lasting work which the League has been the means of effecting in Australia.
Perhaps I may be pardoned if I mention also in this connection the "Empire Movement," which preaches the gospel of Good Citizenship and lays special stress on the maintenance of a reasonable discipline in the training of youth as being indispensable in the building up of virile character and in the formation of an Imperial race worthy of responsibility, alive to duty, filled with sympathy towards mankind, and, not afraid of self-sacrifice in the promotion of lofty ideals.
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