News Flash – Extra Extra
Is it true that one county has become devoid of all weeds, while most of us look out of our windows and see neglect and weeds growing out of every little crevice possible. Is it true, that there is one area which has no problem at all?
It has come to our attention that a plot has been uncovered in another Welsh County which dispelled with the weedy streets within weeks.
It all started with a night of passion, well what should have been a night of passion, when the Chief Executive of this Labouring Authority could not get his pecker up. His bored and fed up wife took umbrage and decided that enough was enough. The CEO would not go to his doctor, who was obviously a good friend, them being in the same club, so to speak and so she took matters into her own hands.
As most things do today it started on the internet, the good wife trawled the internet for cures for the state of the CEO, her husbands, pecker. Having once been a biochemist this lady had access to much research in illustrious establishments to which she rushed pen behind ear and she poured over file after file.
This determined lady found a herbal remedy for the CEO’s malady which contained certain wild plants and so set about finding these plants that she could use to attempt to bring the zing back into the Ceo’s, her husbands, pecker.
It appeared that the humble ragtart was the basis of all remedies along this line and so armed with botanical drawings of 64 different weeds, headed by the common ragtart the CEO’s wife trawled the streets of this labouring authority to find the cure to her husbands pecker.
64 Shades of weeds needed to be found and if anyone could do it she would, there was so much at stake.
Along the way, the wife of the CEO was hauled into the cells for kerb crawling and so had to take the Chihuahua, at great risk, out on its lead into the parks of this labouring authority, as a cover to search out even more and more of the vital ingredients for her cure.
However it emerged that the CEO was spreading it about a bit and one reason for his failure in the pecker department was he was wearing it out.
Back to the 64 weeds.
The CEO’s wife was in despair, the Chihuahua has only just escaped with her life when set upon by a Doberman. The CEO’s wife had just covered her eyes and wailed like a banshee until she and little lucky were rescued, just in time apparently. She could no longer trawl the streets of this labouring authority without someone thinking something, she needed help.
Back to the internet the CEO’s wife went with her ideas and she found Archie. Archie was every woman’s dream. Just a little older that the CEO’s wife, if the truth had been told, well endowed, good job and available.
They had to meet, Archie carefully put on his fishnet stockings, his red suspenders and his little silk panties under his £200 stay pressed trousers and his £400 brogues and felt good, oh so good as he ventured out in his purring Audi to meet ‘upmarketart’, the CEO’s wife in disguise, with her botanical tome under her arm and her pen behind her ear.
The Audi purred in to the assigned meeting place right at the edge of the bog. This car park was huge and it was deliberately kept dark for the flora and fauna and the members who did not wish to be seen at what they were up to.
Three flashes of his blinkered lights and Archie heard a car door gently clump shut. His pecker stood to attention as his car door opened and a woman dropped into the seat besides him. “Archie”, asked a sultry voice, “upmarket”, he answered and their lips locked.
Archie was in heaven for nearly forty five minutes and then he entered hell. Caught in the headlights of an incoming car the leader of the authority looked straight into the face and bare breasts of the wife of his CEO.
Upmarketart laughed as Archie struggled with his suspenders which had got trapped during the contortions and she clicked and clicked with her little camera while Archie got himself in an even worse knot.
“Lets talk about this logically”, said the CEO’s wife. It is no good bolting the stable door after the horse has bolted. You help me and I will help you. Archie looked at her incredulous, until her lips met his and he was lost again in the passion of the moment. Another forty five minutes later Archie was lost, his life was changed for ever and his red suspenders had found a use at last.
The CEO’s wife outlined her plans. She wanted Archie to sort her 64 shades of weeds for her. Archie’s shed at the top of the garden, which his wife could not reach because of her bad legs was the brewery where the potion would be distilled.
And so the biggest and most powerful plot in the history of this labouring authority took seed from this moment.
The potion was a huge success, every Tuesday and Thursday at exactly 2 pm Archie would carefully dress in his suspenders and fishnets, he even had a pair of six inch stilettos in the shed that the CEO’s wife had bought for him and which he wore when they were in the throes of passion and she was splayed across the distilling bench waiting for him.
The Council depot had employed double the amount of waste sorters and the huge green bags of weeds stood in line, all 64 of them. The staff trawled the streets weeding as though they were at an archaeological dig with their little shovels and the distillery pumped out its potion which was bottled and tested by the wife of the CEO, under a brand name of course.
Nothing would have come to light if it had not been for the daughter of the CEO who had noticed the difference in her father of late and sneaked into his dressing cabinet and found the bottle of 64 shades of weeds, pecker enhancer and pinched some to help her boyfriend’s libido.
The results were so amazing and you know what these young people are like, she splashed it all over Lacebook and followed her mother and found the shed and caught her and Archie at it with him wearing his usual and took her own pictures for future use.
The CEO was quite happy, The CEO’s wife was quite happy, Archie did not know whether he was in heaven or hell and the CEO’s daughter had an order book as long as your arm to fulfil and the pictures to make it happen.
I have heard that the demand is so huge that before long these 64 shades of weeds will have disappeared from the streets of the whole of Wales.
Could it happen here? Only time will tell.
