People called me rash...
Dear Line Manager
I am thrilled, delighted and near wetting my pants at the thought of never seeing your specky, weird wee face again. I will miss your little ways – ah yes the way you dump work on my desk for me coming in of a morning. I just love leaving my workspace clean and TIDY only to find you have MUCKED IT UP in the short five minutes you arrive before me. I wonder, do you gear this precious time to be the most real work you do in a day – or did I just get lucky?
Ever attuned to the characters of your team you, KNOW I hate a mess and so every morning without fail there on my desk is your daily gift - a little specially created bundle of chaos just for me - and in this way you manage to ensure I have enough work from you alone to last at least 10 hours of my 8 hour day, as you know how I hate to be bored. Thank you so much for that.
You know me so well. It’s all about the work for me. I do not differentiate between valuable and pointless work – which is a plus point on my CV as indeed the former is such a rarity. I do not think I have ever seen any valuable work since my debut into the sparkling world of admin circa 1981, and the latter seems to grow in abundance. Fortunately for me admin is admin and I do not discriminate.
Please do not even consider having a leaving party for me for I shall not attend. I never have before and see no reason to change now. It is an anathema to me to even listen to the shrieks and caterwauls of my inane co-workers after any such event, much less participate. Also please do not buy me any leaving gift or one of those dreadfully insincere giant goodbye cards. I will not read any of the messages, no matter how amusing or clever you think they are.
My only regret is having wasted so much time in your department. However I intend to put that right now by spreading my wings and flying off to pastures as yet unknown but with surety of faith that I am, at last, doing the right thing.
So goodbye for ever and good luck to your next victim whoever (s)he may be, because working for you I have a feeling they are going to need it.
The Bridge Burner
