 billy's bucket | sitemap | log in
|
 |
||
| This is a free Spanglefish 1 website. | ||
Well, to anyone reading this, i'm off on the first of my adventures, trying to do my sweetheart's bucket list for him. My head is swimming with the terminology that goes with private airplanes....imagine, me, who can't understand how an engine works on a car (well, o.k., i get combustion reactions, from chemistry) now gets the difference between a four-stroke operating cycle and a turbine! So, sweetheart, are you out there, watching, and saying "that's my girl"? and are you experiencing all this with me? I hope so. The easter lilies from your services last year are starting to break through the ground again. They are a reminder of the renewal of life. You are in everything I do, every prayer I say, every action I take. I am past constant sadness, but you are a part of all things good in my life.
End of Februaryby Lynsey Miller - 18:34 on 28 February 2009Another month gone by, and the one year anniversary approaches. I am sad today, but had a good week - work is so all consuming that there is little of me left at the end of the day. Good in some ways, I guess, but at times wish it was easier now. Sweetheart, I'm sorry to have pulled out of the private pilot classes - I had no idea that attending something at your old high school would have such a profound effect on me. It took me several trips into Clovis and getting upset after each one to figure out what was going on. Right now, I am simply avoiding it. To anyone reading this, my dream is to do some of my husband's bucket list for him - he never even got the chance to make his list, let alone carry out any of it. Taking a small plane up - even once - would have meant the world. If there's anyone else whose dreams I hold a key to in the future, I will think about how to make it happen for them while they are alive. Keep this in mind - you will thank yourself if you ever lose them. But dong dreams for your lost loved one will let you spend more time with them, and may bring some healing. In the interim - while I grow the strength to attempt the pilot's license again, and face down your ghosts at the school - there is the bike. I know you saw me out there, wobbling down the driveway like a five year old on their first bike but getting a little stronger each time. I wish it hadn't been such an expensive bike, honey, but after looking for six months, it's the first one I found that was small enough, an I thought I should grab it. Comment from lastlarnach at 07:48 on 26 June 2009. well, lovie, got through what should have been your fifty-fith birthday and father's day, again without losing my mind. called your parents on your birthday, and they seemed glad to hear from me.can love outlive life itself? you have made me begin to think so. what's up with this business of turning up in my dreams, sweetheart? that last one was so real for a minute i remembered what your most passionate kisses were like. did i remember it? or did you somehow cross back into this world for a second to touch me? Comment from alyssa renzi at 15:50 on 01 July 2009. well im 19 and in dec 5 2008 when i was 18 my dad was dianosed with lung cancer it broke my heart, and now when he was at the doc on wed they gave him till the end of july i dont know how to cope with loseing my dad its really hard mh family has been taking it out on me and it is really hard on me it seems like my family is blaming me for this i thought i sined and for the longest time i hated god cause i thought he did it i just really dont know what to do please can u email me please and thank u alyssaComment from lastlarnach at 19:20 on 29 August 2009. dear alyssa- well, i'm not a grief counselor, but i have suffered the same loss. i'm really sorry your family is having such a hard time and passing it on to you; you are not alone in this, either. i fell that your family should understand that you, too, are suffering an enormous loss; grief can be a selfish thing because we are so lost in our own feelings that we forget to be empathetic to the feelings of those about us.i can't take away your pain.i will warn you from experience that it doesn't go away very quickly. i am truly sorry to have taken so long to answer this, but you are actually the first person to join, and i had almost given up on this helping anyone. if you still have your father at this writing, please spend as much time with him as possible, so you will have no regrets later. if he is gone, i urge you to try to rejoice in the fact that he existed; to love is to be vulnerable, because we will all suffer the loss of a loved one at some time. i will e-mail this to you as well as posting it and, with your permission will share it with one of my grief groups. you are just beginning your grief journey and i am only a year into the loss that inspired me to start this site. the people in this group have been dealing with it alot longer. one thing you can do right now - and i bet you already have - is to set your life on a path that will be a credit to him. did he value education? go to school, study hard, etc. was he a man of great integrity? look at each situation from the standpoint that he would and ask yourself how he would have approached it. in this way, you are keeping a part of him alive, by growing into the woman he raised you to be. i think you get the idea. you are in my prayers- janet Add your comment Please note that whenever you submit something which may be publicly shown on a website you should take care not to make any statements which could be considered defamatory to any person or organisation. |  |
|
 | ||
so,next item on your list, of course, is the bicycle. after a month of sheer terror of traffic, i got out on van ness avenue earlier this week and put in a couple of miles. once i'm more confident, maybe i'll do rides with others.
of course you know that rich left a message for the "hot biker chick" on the phone earlier this week, with cindy chortling in the background. brightened my day.
so the big garage sale approaches, sweetie, and i'll get your garage cleared out so it will be the workable space you always dreamed of.
i'm sorry brandon pulled out of the academy, but anything further put toward his education will have to come in the form of reimbursement - after he completes it. i know you'd agree with me on that, honey. as to your folks, well, they'll come around if, and when, they're ready. i have the distinct impression that i won't hear from them again unless i pursue it.
the concert was fun, and it was good to see loretta again. you know i scattered a pinch of your ashes when they played "i can only imagine." since they played it at your services, believe me, for a few minutes the emotion was overwhelming.