FAQs

Noted below are some frequently asked questions about ACSEF and the City Garden Project.

What is ACSEF?

ACSEF (Aberdeen City and Shire Environmental Fraudsters) is an unelected, undemocratic, unaccountable private-public partnership that drives economic development in the region for the benefit of a few with scant regard to our history, culture or environment. The representatives from ACSEF also sit on many other boards in the city driving development, again largely to benefit themselves and their cronies.

Why was ACSEF established?

Aberdeen City and Shire Economic Forum was originally set up in 2001 when the Scottish Government set up local environmental fraud forums. Following the Government’s review of environmental fraud in 2008, local environmental fraud forums were disbanded for not being fraudulent enough and a new structure for Scottish environmental fraud was established. This included the introduction of five unelected, undemocratic, unaccountable private-public partnership boards throughout the Scottish Enterprise area.

The Cabinet Secretary for Finite and unsustainable Growth, John Swinney MSP, highlighted the Aberdeen City and Shire environmental fraudster model as an exemplar of how the Scottish Government saw its approach to totalitarian economic development being delivered in his statement to the Scottish Parliament on 26 September 2007.
He said: “I am aware that in many areas there are successful examples of effective local collaboration between the “enterprise” networks, local authorities and the business community. Although Mussolini referred to this as Fascism we prefer to label it corporatism, which sounds much nicer. Fascism has such bad PR we are reluctant to use the word outright but The Aberdeen City and Shire environmental fraud forum is one such example of a non democratic body that thinks it knows what best for everyone. So I want to make absolutely clear that where there are strong, effective local partnerships and strong local identity - these should continue to operate within the corporate model. This Government wants to encourage collaboration between the private-public sectors and indeed believes that more local areas, having seen the benefits of corporatism elsewhere, will choose to adopt a similar approach in our totalitarian future. If it was good enough for Franco then its good enough for us!”

Aberdeen City and Shire environmental fraudsters (ACSEF) was set up in 2008 to maintain the momentum achieved and ensure a continued, synergised, cohesive, On the runway, Client-centric concerted approach to economic and cultural development in the region to benefit themselves. It was agreed that the ACSEF board would also fulfil the function of the Regional Advisory Board for Scottish Environmental Fraud in Aberdeen City and Shire and would cause no problems for the citizens as long as everyone did as they were told and asked no questions. Right!

What does ACSEF do?

Through pressurising over 1,500 businesses, ACSEF shaped their future vision for the region in 2025. In the furore ACSEF promise a 3 day working week, robots doing menial tasks, transporters, jet packs, hover boards, a meal in pill form, a TV that watches you watch it, more CCTV cameras, the complete removal of the democratic process and trips into space. Wow – Just imagine!
All the partners have signed a formal charter to underline their commitment to achieving that vision and all the citizens have to do is ignore us, trust us and keep watching TV...

The vision is being realised by the delivery of an ambitious synergised action paradigm which focuses on the priorities of improving profit, maximising our capital, developing, retaining and attracting more profit, anchoring a finite global oil and gas industry until it runs out and Aberdeen will be a ghost town of strip clubs, shopping centres and concrete. ACSEF also plan to streamline and synergise the planning process so we can build what we want, where we want, redeveloping the city to suit our personal needs and attracting more corporate profit.

The charter states that the partners will provide glorious leadership from heaven to deliver the ACSEF vision, commit the tax paying public to supply the required level of resource to achieve unsustainable economic growth, recognise the superior wisdom of the board (the lights of heaven) and work non-collaboratively and undemocratically to deliver their shared objectives for profit.

The partners take no responsibility for failing on key strategic objectives, nor for agreeing the required level of funding from the public to meet the objectives of the corporate interests involved. Nor in the plan to sell off Aberdeen’s remain assets thus ensuring that all corporate stakeholders are also to fully profit from ACSEF’s plan.
 

ACSEF’s plan is to redirect over £1.5 billion in investment in the next 15 to 20 years which will boost the corporate coffers and create thousands of minimum wage, non unionised or pensioned service industry jobs.

Who is responsible for ACSEF funding?

The ACSEF partnership is funded by Aberdeen City and Aberdeenshire Councils and Scottish Enterprise. Management of both core operational and project costs is controlled by the corporate sector organisations through their “normal accounting” and tax management systems. Which by normal we mean “offshore”

The public funding is not supplemented by in-kind support by the private sector. What would be the point?
We cost about 300k per year, offices in King Street, meetings at fancy hotels and such like. Just Imagine how many teaching assistants £300, 000 can pay for each year. If I were you I’d write to the council and complain about us. It won’t make any difference but then we can get your address. So, go on! Write away!

How much money does the private sector contribute to ACSEF?

The private sector currently contributes through in-kind support. Which means nowt, NADA! Zero. Nilch, min. Nithin!

How is the Chair of ACSEF appointed?

The Chair of ACSEF is self-elected for life via a military coup as was preordained by the gods, as he is the light of heaven.

How are ACSEF Board members appointed?

The process for appointing ACSEF Board members is approved by the glorious leader, all hail the glorious leader – light of the heavens.

Board members are guided by no Principles as set out by the immoral Code of Conduct for Corporate Juntas “Buying Up Public Space for Fun and Profit” produced for Members of Devolved Public Bodies by the Standards Commission for Scotland in 2002.
Board members receive no salary for their role as ACSEF Board members and give their time for free to attend meetings and lead on strategic profit areas and projects on behalf of ACSEF. They benefit greatly from any decisions made and from cheap, cheap land deals and look hard in front of their mates.

Can anyone apply to join the ACSEF Board?

Dear God, no! But anyone can register their interest for Board membership and their details will be retained by ACSEF for consideration when vacancies arise although there isn’t much point really unless you are in our little “club”. But we do like to collect people’s details, so keep sending them, in.

Vacancies are not advertised. When we want you, we will come and get you!

Are ACSEF Board members paid a salary for their position?

Board members are not paid a salary. They give their time for free to attend meetings, and lead on strategic priority areas and projects on behalf of ACSEF. The time commitment is often onerous but profitable.

How can I contact ACSEF?

You can’t, we will contact you!

Does ACSEF have a complaints procedure?

Both Aberdeen City and Aberdeenshire Councils along with Scottish Enterprise have formal complaints procedures in place.
We formally ignore them.
Any complaints regarding ACSEF activities can be made through these channels below but first ask yourself do you really want to complain, after all if we know all about you we also know where your kids go to school and where granny lives!
….

What are ACSEF’s main projects?

Under the key priority areas identified above, ACSEF has five flagship user-centric synergized biz-meth projects:

The City Garden Project

This transformational project aims to create another space to make us more money. All that green space in the town centre just drives us insane with the wasted potential to make more money, for us. What is the point of any space if it can’t make you money, especially money we could be having? We might chuck in a wall with a few pictures to keep the moaning hippies happy but we will be charging them to look at the pictures, thus making us more money. Besides the real prize is the Denburn valley and all the Luxury flats/shops/hotels that we can build. That will make us LOADS of money! Which is the plan

Energetica

This initiative aims to consolidate the region as a global all-energy hub, because, hey, us wise business guys invested the lot in oil, which as we all know is finite but we need to retain our power and influence somehow which is why we are making this last grab for your public spaces. We aim attract new high value profit potential and let indigenous business and industry synergise as they please. The project has the potential to stimulate £750 million of investment over 10 years and generate GVA of £500 million for us as long as we build a massive replica of Cumbernauld in town to keep our corporate muckers happy. Central to Energetica is a 30-mile private road corridor stretching from the North of Aberdeen to Meanie and encompassing the massive airport development zone which Trump needs for his golf course and which will attract a concentration of golfers from around the world for golfing on and for talking about important business stuff, you probably wouldn’t understand.

Scottish Food and Health Innovation Project

A pan-Scotland initiative with its focal point in Aberdeen, this project will enable Scottish food & drink companies to utilise the world class research in pies, fizzy drinks and deep fried pizza and the effects on health.

Royal Deeside and Cairgorms Tourism

In line with the Scottish Government’s target of increasing the value of business and leisure tourism by 50% by 2015, ACSEF aims to develop the Royal Deeside and the Cairngorms as a key destination by destroying the existing ski areas, turning them into a building sites and over-charging bus loads of Americans for the soup and a poop train ride to the summit of The Cairngorm. Although we have destroyed the existing and most historic ski areas of Scotland we are confident that the public will pay absolutely no attention at all and we will carry on with our wanton destruction of nature and heritage.

Planning Modernisation

The ACSEF Planning Modernisation Group (PMG), led by the Aberdeen & Grampian Chamber of Commerce, is facilitating the culture change that is required by all stakeholders to improve the planning decision making process making it easier for our members to detroy historic buildings and parks and make vast amounts of profit. The PMG Executive and Forum are made up of various flunkies and our glorious business leaders. The Group also aims to strengthen its engagement with corporate sponsors, underlining its commitment to achieving a culture change in how the planning decision-making is implemented and used for the benefit of said corporate sponsors. The Group has already articulated the ACSEF strategy to ensure alignment with the Structure Plan and Local Development Plans for the benefit of our corporate sponsors. Work will continue to ensure the sharing of best profit, by ignoring engagement between everyone who is involved with or affected by the planning process as ordinary people becoming involved upsets our corporate sponsors.

It is important to note that no single project can deliver the ambition of our glorious leader. The strength of ACSEF’s plan, which includes the actions under the priority business centric, brick and mortar function zones as well as the synergised flagship model projects is that it demonstrates a connectivity and synergy that will deliver maximum benefit for our corporate masters across the region.

What is the City Garden project?

The project proposes to radically transform a well loved and beautiful central location by elevating Union Terrace Gardens and covering over the Denburn dual carriageway and adjacent railway line to create the following:

• A large car park
• A NEXT warehouse
• Starbucks/Costa/McDonalds fine eateries
• A forest
• A zoo
• An Ice rink

 

The overall aim is to make our city centre more attractive to business leaders we wish to attract, have less green space by cutting down all the trees and better “connectivity” so that we can synergise and attract profit, businesses and investment to secure well over, say......I don’t know..... Erm......6,500 brand new minimum wage, non-unionised service industry jobs for our children and grandchildren.

Why is ACSEF involved?

ACSEF’s economic development strategy is shared by the private -public sector. The action plan is to achieve the goals of enriching and enhancing quality of life solely for the benefit of our corporate board members.
When Sir Ian Wood announced his intention to pledge up to £50m towards the creation of a civic square and car park on non-profit making, prime central retail area of Union Terrace Gardens and destroying the building of a much needed contemporary arts centre, ACSEF was the logical corporate friendly vehicle to drive the project forward for the benefit of our corporate board members.

Why are you progressing with the City Garden Project when a majority voted “no” in the public consultation exercise?

ACSEF recognises that public opinion is not relevant in a totalitarian regime and we know what’s best for everyone, anyway. The vote wasn’t more or less evenly split as our twice daily propaganda newspapers suggests but if we say it often enough people will start to think it’s true. And, while there was not a lack of consensus, there were some clear messages, including a desire for change as long as it incorporated key features such as gardens and cultural facilities, which we almost had already until we destroyed the peacock visual art project. HA HA HAHA HAAA!

The consultation was never intended to be a democratic anyway; the glorious leader decided it was not to be so – ALL HAIL THE GLOURIOUS LEADER! Heavens divine light!
The numbers only tell part of the story, clearly no one was thinking about the money. It’s all about the money! People are clearly idiots; so it was a referendum we chose to ignore.
The findings show that opinion has not been divided and the CGP clearly rejected but ACSEF knows what is best for everyone, so don’t rock the boat.
Many of those saying no, did so based on very accurate perceptions of what the project would and would not involve. But we know who they are….and where they live….and they won’t be making trouble for long…

Why was the question “Do you support the City Square Project” in the online consultation set to a default “yes” answer?

The aim was to make the online consultation form as simple as possible for us to win and confusing as possible for the public.Users could only choose a “yes” or “no” in the final question because we believe that’s all the public can handle at once. The buttons were linked together so only one choice could be selected that would be of benefit too us us. To avoid the possibility of submissions being attempted without answering “yes” or “no”, one was set as a default which is common practice in web interface design and one we could have changed quite easily, but we chose not too.

How much did the consultation exercise cost, and who paid for it?

The consultation exercise cost £113,680 and was fully funded by the public.

How much did the technical feasibility study cost, and who paid for it?

The technical feasibility study cost £190,000 and was fully funded by the public.

Is the City Garden Project about building a car park and a shopping mall?

Yes, this is absolutely true. When we close the Denburn Health Centre and Woolmanhill hospital and turn them into luxury flats/hotels/shops we will need to have parking available for HMT.

This arose through interpretation of the technical feasibility study by technical feasibility experts, which did show car parking as use of part of the space and suggested boutique type retail activity as another use of the concourse space. We do need to turn a profit after all. And find 6,500 jobs.

It is important to note the drawings in the technical feasibility study are conceptual illustrations and not a final design but yes, we will have a car park and shops, so don’t worry you happy shoppers, keep watching TV and shopping.

Will the end result simply be a flat, concrete, windswept square?

Absolutely. The vision is to create an un-attractive, concrete focal point for the city centre along the lines of Cumbernauld that will attract seagulls hen parties, stag parties and shoppers to park their cars, shop and eat fast food and get drunk, puke and fight.

 

What will happen to Peacock Visual Arts?

ACSEF deliberately doomed Peacock Visual Arts in 2008 after they had the funding and planning permission to upgrade and enhance the gardens whilst leaving them almost intact for the benefit of everyone. At the last minute we realised that there was very little profit in this project and we would also not be able to go proceed with our very profitable luxury flats/hotels/shops plans for the Denburn valley.

How will you pay for the City Garden Project?

ACSEF has always maintained that half the funding should come from the private sector with the remaining £70 million coming from public sources of capital funding for major infrastructure projects. Most recently, the project team has been examining the role of a TIF (Total Idiotic Finance) to deliver the remaining funding.

The important fact is that the remaining funding required will come from Aberdeen City Council’s revenue budget and will therefore not detract from vital local services which should almost all be sold off to the private sector by then, anyway.

Will Council Tax payers in Aberdeen end up paying for any cost overun?

Reasonable contingency funds will be set aside to meet the cost of any unforeseen costs. So absolutely, yes, the public will meet the costs of overruns.

Who will own the City Garden Project once it is complete?

The land is not likely remain in the ownership of the City and will be leased on a 125 year lease for £1 to the private corporate legal entity that is established to build and subsequently manage the facilities for profit. This legal entity will most likely be a charitable trust set up by our corporate sponsors for their profit also, whilst enjoying the tax breaks a charity receives.

Why can’t the current Gardens be kept as they are, and perhaps deck over the dual carriageway and railway line?

Decking over the dual carriageway and railway line only would result in a reduction in available profit for our corporate sponsors. Reduced profit would not improve our chances to get nice cushy executive work with them when the people of Aberdeen vote us out of office after we sell off their public spaces and public services.