PORTMANTEAU 008 19361205

< Previous    1930s  1940s  1950s  1960s      Next >

Please be aware that these are transcribed by software,
so there WILL be mistakes. 
Please tell us which page 0f which Portmanteua.

8 pages                                                Sesheke,
                             5th December, 1936.
Dear Everybody,
I'm afraid last week's letter was rather short and scrappy and dull, and I didn't even have time to write you all separate letters of your own, because at the Critical Moment we were Inundated with a Bombastic Array of VISITORS.
On Wednesday morning I was very busily finishing off the letters as the mail was waiting on the river bank to go off, when a roaring husband Burst in upon me and said "Look out! There's someone coming!"  I felt like a conspirator, and looked round hastily to see if there was anything to Conceal, and shoved a few things together to try and make the place look a bit tidier than it was (which would deceive nobody), stuck a smile on my face as neatly as I could and rushed out to Do My Stuff.
It was the Vet. and his wife, M. and Mrs. McArthur, going down from Mongu by barge on their way home on leaye, and I thought to myself, What fun, they'll probably stay the night and I811 have an excuse. to get out my Lovely New Best Sheets, and clean the guest-house up a bit, and entertain Real Live Visitors in my own house!  But they said,"No thanks," and only stayed to morning tea, which was disappointing in a way, but rather a relief in another way! It was only ten o'cl when they arrived, but we pressed them to stay to lunch, but they wanted to get on as they wanted to be in Livingstone by the weekend so as to catch the Tuesday train down-country, so they went off after about an hour.
They weren't bad, he was small and stocky and Red, in shorts, and she was small and thin and had Straight hair and sandals and nice old clothes and looked very much the Woman who has Lived in the Bush - which she is.  She was very nice and easy and amusing to talk to, and didn't mind a bit having to remove two pictures and a Strand Magazine before she could sit down in a chair, or having to step over three early morning teasets to get in at the front door.
So they went off, and walked down to the river again to their barge, and by that time the mail-barge was leaping about all over the place, getting so impatient and stamping its feet with fury at being kept waiting so long, so I just licked up everything I saw and jumped about a dozen stamps on some and none at all on to others, and packed them all off in a frenzy.
Then, as if we hadn't had enough excitement for one day, I suddenly heard the roar of an aeroplane.  I was quite calmly reading on the verandah, so at first I thought nothing of it, as it seemed quite in the ordinary course of events at home, and you know I never hear a THING when I'm reading. Then suddenly I woke to the fact that it was flying rather low, and then I remembered I was at Sesheke (I ought to be able to spell it properly by now) and that it was actually and Aeroplane, and it was coming Down on our aerodrome.
So I rushed out, armed with a double Terai and the blue box, and got a very good one (at least it looked good in the view-finder) as the plane swooped down.  Then it swooped up again, and flew round and swooped down again, because it did n't know which way the wind was, as the Pore windsock had died in the heavy rain we had last week.  So I yelled to the boys to bring a towel or sheet or something, but by the time they brought it the plane had landed on the crossways run. Me 'usbing, had appeared on the scene by this time, and the plane came walking towards us and we thought perhaps it was the Dr. coming to see how Robin was getting on, as we hadn't heard a word from him.
But it wasn't  -  it was merely an Insurance gent doing a spot of propaganda! His name was Lacey, and he and his wife ,then his fiancee) had been at the dance they gave for us in Lusaka in April, and what is more, they had got the second prize for the dancing competition in which ME and my partner (I mean my partner and I) had been first prize!  (I'll tell you something very exciting about that presently.)
He was small and thin and young and pale and had adenoids but didn't wear spectacles which is quite wrong for a person who looks like that.  He smoked all the time, from the moment he Descended from the aeroplane to the moment that he had to put out half a cigarette when he jumped in again. He tried to make G take out one of his Insurance policies, and it sounds quite a good scheme, not so much as a Life Insurance as a means of saving without noticing it, and with the object of being able to pull out a big lump sum if ever we need one in the dim distant future - for instance, when we retire and want to buy a house, or something.
However, we haven't done anything about it yet.    The pilot is English and had a farm in Southern Rhodesia and is now instructor at the Flying Club in Lusaka, and he hates the country - at least he says he does.    Not very nice, but not bad.
They deigned to stay to lunch, for which we had curried egg (an invention that we tried for the first time, and it turned out very well) and boiled chicken with our first little sprigs of lettice chopped up round it with white sauce. And Heinz Baked Beans for veg.  A syrup tart and tinned apricots for pudding.  It was rather fun having people, but I felt SO

- 2 -
inefficient and apologetic if anything went wrong! At onee moment the plates were cold, and I felt all responsible and wanted to send them back and blow Musonda up straight away for allowing the plates to be cold!  At home I'de always just had to do the talking part of entertaining, and it seems so funny to be responsible for the food and the serving and everything now; they probably didn't notice when anything want wrong, but it ALL seemed wrong to me, even though it was all very good really!
After lunch the pilot went off to delve about inside his plane, and M. Lacey went down to see M. Read (the cattle man) to try and make him insure too, so I went off to my rest and G went off to the Office, and I woke up to hear the plane just getting ready to go, round about 3 o'clock. They were going on down to Livingstone, and asked if there was anything they could bring up for us the next day as they would be passing quite near and it wasn't far out of their way. So we asked them to bring up our two wireless accumulators, and a bag of Potatoes.
It's now two days later and they haven't turned up yet, so I expect they've forgotten.    
Now would you like to hear about my partner at the Dance at Lusaka? Well, he's been MURDERED!. His name was Dr. Manning, and he was Very goodlooking and a Beautiful Dancer (that was why we won the competition) and he'd got black hair and blue eyes. Well, one day about two months ago - we read it in the newspaper at Bulawayo that day - he was sitting in his flat with a frier. late at night, talking, and some gay birds passed along the street down below and thought it would be fun to go and beat him up. I mean, just go and see him and pass the time of day (or night). So they all went up to his flat, singing and being generally rather the worse for wear, and barged into his flat and started chatting away with him.    
One of them, a dentist, went into the bedroom next door, picked up a rifle that was sitting there, thought it wasn't loaded, and pointed it through the crack of the door into the room and said "Bang" for a joke. The rifle went off and killed D. Manning Stone Dead.    As nobody actually saw him do it, and as all the other people were drunk, they had to take his word for it that it was a complete accident, and so he's been Iet off.    They were all acquaintances of his, and nobody seemed able to find THat there was any MotiVe for killing him, so they couldn't do anything else but let him off.
Of course it ought to be a criminal offence to point a gun at anybody, even if you do think it is unloaded.
This week's result in the Fauna line is so far limited to One Baby Impala, who is perfectly adorable but still a bit frightened.  Phibbs had given out that he would give a reward of £l - vast wealth - to anyone who would bring one in, and furthermore he would give 10/- to the first one. The £1 was to be given by the Government, as the Impala was wanted for the little Game Park at Livingstone, so we will have to send the little chap down there soon.  Meanwhile we have built him a lovely little house of grass with a roof of grass, and a round courtyard round it, also of grass, and I hope he'll be happy in there for a bit, though it seemed to me awfully stuffy and hot in there.
He arrived in one of those native baskets - a floor of rushes and curved sides made of sticks-tied together with grass, and there was a long stout pole all along the top for carrying him by. They had caught four, and this was the only one that lived, isn't it pathetic.
I'm afraid I had to take this page out, so I hope it will be all right having put it in again.    
It is now Monday, 7th. 
Yesterday all your loyely letters arrived, saying how thrilled you all are about Robin, and it IS marvellous, isn't it.  It made us excited about it all over again, reading how pleased you all are. We got your wire about it last Sunday - I don't remember if I told you or not.  POOR Mum, having to wait till after breakfast before telling Dad, when you must have been absolutely Bursting to shout it out to him, and just wishing all those silly people weren't there.    And Mummy having to wait till the silly house-maid stopped fussing about with early-morning-teasets, and I bet Daddy was saying "Well, go on, go on, what are you wait in for? Why don't you read it to me?" Did he say that?! I'm so glad Ralph was there too so that he knew at once. Does he like having a portmanteau of his own, or would he rather share the Weston one, as he seems to be living there now?
Poor Heather, having to be an Aunt. You'll have to get a pair of Spectacles, because I feel sure nobody can be an Runt if they haven't got a Spectacled Face. I'm glad you're glad you've not got to be a Godmother too, because -Two relationships to One Person would be a bit unkind. Are the proposed Godparents approved of? Are the names approved of?    We had thought of putting in the Arden too, but then we thought that was rather more Ralph's job! as he has the Arden part in his own name and it isn't really our business. Also Three names, all ending in N would be a bit hard on the child, wouldn't it.
We're frightfully pleased with life at the moment, as

- 3 -

THE REFRIGERATOR HAS ARRIVED! We wired to it about a fortnight ago to ask why it hadn't got here, because the man in London had been so definite that his agent in Johannesburg knew all the difficulties of transport in N.R. and would be sure to know how to get it there, and of course a Mere Barge wouldn't deter him from getting it to us by the end of October.
So when we heard Not a Word from them, and there was no sign of the R. we sent a wire and got the answer back the same day as we got your wire! And they said that they had had no instructions from us as to what to do with it, so they had sent it to Salisbury, as being nearer to N.R. than Jo'bug! So there it was sitting, all by itself at S'bury, while we were sitting here all by ourselves pining for it.  The wire said that on receiving our wire they had wired to it to Proceed at once, and yesterday it arrived, all packed up neatly in its little packing case.
I took a film of it arriving, as it was carried slung on a pole like an animal, between two natives, and I thought it might amuse Annie!
Well, we unpacked it, and put it together with the help of the instructions, which were rather difficult but not as difficult as the wireless had been, and we lit the little lamp and pushed it underneath and shut the door and went away. We went hack half an hour later to see how it was getting on, and it was just the same temperature and the water was more like water than ever!    So we waited another half hour, and still nothing had happened, and the water was almost invisible it was so watery.    So we decided we'd left somethining out or done something wrong, and left it in despair.
We went and had another look at about six o'clock, and lo and behold, two whole trays choc-a-bloc full of ICE!! So we put them in our drinks and enjoyed them more than we have enjoyed any drinks since the iced ones at Mrs. Cartmel-Robinson, in Livingstone. 
So to-day I delved into one of my Three Cookery Books, and discovered Raspberry Ice. So I got a tin of raspberries and some icing sugar and some Cream and some lemon juice and -a seive and I jumped them all into a basin together and squashed 'em up good and hearty, and dumped them in the Ref. with many prayers for success.  I gave them two and a half  hours, and opened the door, and discovered - Exactly what I'd put in! So we had mangoes for lunch.
But you. just look out for yourselves, because we left it there all the afternoon, and we went to get our drink-ice out just now, and it was Ever so much harder, and really cold, and Almost looked like an Ice Cream! So we are going to have it for dinner,-after the chicken Pie.  
Musonda had met a Refrigerator before, but a little box like one; this one is about four foot high; the other boys had never seen one before, and had Never seen Ice, When we picked the ice out for the first time, we told Chishimba to hold his hand out, and when we put the ice in it he dropped it as if he'd been burnt!  They are all awfully thrilled with it I think.  I KNOW we are, and I want to keep on going and seeing how it's getting on, but it isn't very good for it to be opened too often, as every time you open it it loses a bit of its cold and takes in some of the outside heat. We're going to have such fun with it!
Another excitement that happened yesterday was that we went out for our little constitutional on the aerodrome, and suddenly saw a huge flock of Guinea fowl leaping about up at the end. So we screamed for the gun, and I stood on a log and watched while G rushed through the bush to get behind them. They were quite unsuspecting, and then suddenly G went Bang, and they all started running at Fifty miles an hour towards the bush.    Then out darted a tiny buck, squatted for a moment in the middle of the aerodrome, and then flew down one of the arms, passing quite close to me and going along in huge leaps like an Impala.    He was Lovely to watch, with his little feet and his beautiful chestnut coat.
Then G went on round the end of the aerodrome, still in the bush, and Chishimba went round the other side and put them up, and they all flew away over the trees making a noise like a bicycle wheel.  G got one, and he came, fluttering down and Chishimba had to run miles to catch him.    They have such funny humpy backs, and are SO fat from side view, and when you see them back or front view they are as narrow as a missionary's mind.
The first Bang had been the other little buck - the wife of the one who dashed away, and we were rather sorry it was the wife really, except that she hadn't got any children so it was really all right.    She was a steinbok, and we are going to haye her for lunch tomorrow, and she ought to last quite a long time.  We had the guinea fowl to-day, and he was Delicious - like a very tender turkey with a slightly gamey flavour.
And then tonight, we were just going out for a harmless walk, and Shimeo dashed up shouting "Makanga" (guinea fowl) so we flew for the gun, and chased out after them. There was only a pair, and we got one.    It is nearly nesting time so we won't be abler to shoot them much longer; at the moment they are coming out on to the aerodromes so much because the lovely showers of rain we have had have made the grass lovely and green, and much softer and nicer than the coarse, high stuff in the bush. I don't know whether they factually EAT the grass, but it is nice and soft for their toes, and I suppose the bugs are juicier when they have been feeding on green grass.

- 4 -

Oh, and another article of Food that has arrived is my beloved POTATOES, which I have been pining, for for weeks. For a little while I "did" with sweet potatoes, which weren't at all bad, and which served their purpose quite nicely in stews and the like, but they all Went Bad on us, and had to be given to the boys, which nearly broke my heart.    So last mail we ordered some potatoes from Livingstone, and yesterday they came - a huge Sack of them, and I have been revelling in them ever since. We :had them all crusty on a Pie last night, and had two roast ones with the Guinea fowl to-day, and we're having them all crusty again tonight on our Chikken Pie.
There, that's made my mouth water, and we've finished our drinks, and Peter has just come in to say "Kulya" so we MUST go and eat it NOW.
Oh, that's MUCH better. Half an hour of Perfect Piggery, with the most gorgeous Cottage Pie that ever was made, and the potato all soft and slushy, and crusty all over the top. The Raspberry Ice was a delicious Raspberry Fool, I don't know why it failed to set, as it has been sitting in that icebox since ten o'clock thus morning, so I suppose it's something I've done wrong - though Musonda will be made to think that it turned out exactly as it was meant to, because everything the Mama does is all right.
Chishimba has got fever to-day, so we gave him some quinine and packed him off to his hut, and Peter is waiting at table. He is the new one, Musonda's brother, who has worked on the line with a Mama before so he knows bow to do things. He is bedroom boy, and washes quite nicely, though his ironing is not quite perfect yet. He's a nice boy, though and has become "one of the family" quite easily, and comes out shooting to carry the cartridges and gun as though he always has.
Talking of that, you WOULD laugh to see us going out shooting if it looks likely to rain. G and I go first, with the great Hunk rootling about all round us; we are followed at a respectful distance by Peter carrying the gun; behind him comes Shimeo with the bag of cartridges; behind him comes Chishimba, carrying a fly whisk and an umbrella!
It's marvellous having such excellent boys, and Musonda really is a dear. He looks after me so well, and won't let me buy anything that isn't quite all right, and when a boy tried to charge us 1/6d. for half a dead duiker he flatly refused to allow me to buy it. If anybody comes round selling things - eggs, fish, pawpaws, chickens, etc, he always comes and does the bargaining, while I stand like a Queen on the doorstep and look thoroughly disinterested, and finally say All right, I think we'll have it then, and dish out a sixpence as if it was a hundred pounds. And the man looks just about
as pleased as he would if I DID give him a hundred pounds!
Before we came out I had a few Squalms that I would not be able to DO things properly, that I wouldn't be able to boss up the boys, or order the. dinner, or keep every-thing clean, or look after the horses, or keep my Husband well-fed, or stop the rats getting in the linen cupboard, etc, etc etc.  And I've discovered that it's SO easy. Here are a few remedies of things which I have discovered:-

WHAT TO DO IF:
1). There are bees in the bath.
    Remedy: Call a boy, and tell him to remove them.
2). some seeds want planting.
    Remedy: Call a boy, and tell him to plant them.
3). a horse gets a sore back.
    Remedy: Call the boy and tell him to cure it.
4). you find a smell or a scorpion or a tick or a toad. 
    Remedy: Call a boy and tell him to remove it.
5). If the cows won't lay female calves.
    Remedy: Sack the herd-boy.

So you see it's all Quite simple.  And if any of those remedies don't work, Tell Musonda.
We are getting on slowly but surely with the business of hanging the pictures, and when we have got them all up I will tell you where they are.    We were disappointed to find that you hadn't included any of Dad's, as we should so love to have a big one of his for the sitting room - one of his lovely landscapes - the Victoria Falls, or something. We have put Rosie's lovely Bonnington seascape over the fireplace, it's about the only decent sitting-room picture we've got, as all the others are my old horse-pictures, which don't look too good in here. The wedding-present ones are mostly so ghastly that they are having to be hung in ahem bathroom, or else given to the boys!
An aeroplane (red) flew over today, and I sent Shimeo out to wave a towel (as the windsock is beyond repair) hopefully, but it had no effect, and he went on without coming down. He is probably going to fetch Heggs from Senanga, which is the next place to us (a forthight's barge journey), who is Proceeding on Leave. He may pass over here tomorrow and drop in for lunch or something.
Well, that's enough for this week.    

Goodbye, everybody, with lots and lots and lots of love to you all from

                       US