Essay No. 36
A Plea for a More Rational Method
of Bringing up Our Children
BY
Bernard Myers, M.D.
Author of " The Care of Children" ; Lecturer on " The Care
and Management of Infants" at the National Society's
Training College for Teachers of Domestic Subjects.
AT the present time there is to be perceived a move¬ment, more or less permeating the civilised world, in which parents are asking themselves if they are adopting the wisest methods of bringing up their children in order that the latter may best be fitted for successfully battling with what is called "Life," and rendering them loyal, patriotic, wise, honourable, worthy, and healthy citizens; citizens, indeed, who, when the hour of trial may come, will not be found wanting in the capacity to render that service to the State which the latter, as their protector, may rightly
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expect. If it be essential for foreign States to look to the real welfare and fitness of all their citizens, how much more important is it for us of the British Empire in general and the United Kingdom in par-ticular ! With our enormous Empire, with its millions of white and coloured inhabitants whose happiness can be made or marred according to whether we act with wisdom or otherwise, the matter of bringing up the children who will be the Empire's future rulers is to us of paramount, aye 1 of supreme and far-reaching importance.
Let us then consider : Do we, the parents of the United Kingdom, employ the wisest methods of bringing up our children in order to make them loyal, healthy, worthy, and efficient citizens, fit to govern and to be governed ? There are many modern phenomena in the social world to make us fear that the answer to this question must be in the negative. There are large numbers of British people who, while giving full credit to the merits of our present system of bringing up children, are fully alive to certain defects existing in it, and it is to these defects that I desire to call the attention of parents and others interested in this subject.
To explain the subject more fully, let us com-mence by asking ourselves what might be considered the ideal method of bringing up children, and then ascertain whether we adopt such a method. Might we say that the ideal of citizenship should consist of -
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In the case of men:
1. Knowledge of religion.
2. Loyalty to Crown and country.
3. Home life (to make good sons, husbands, and fathers).
4. To be mentally, physically, and morally educated.
5. To be efficiently prepared for some profession, trade, or occupation.
6. To be trained as efficient soldiers or sailors, and to be willing to defend their country.
7. To intelligently exercise to the full the ordinary rights of citizenship.
8. The cultivation of altruistic feeling.
In the case of women:
1. Knowledge of religion.
2. Loyalty to Crown and country.
3. Home life (to make good daughters, wives, and mothers).
4. To be mentally, physically, and morally educated.
5. To be efficiently trained in the care and feeding of children, in cooking, and housewifery.
6. To understand the method of rendering first-aid to the injured.
7. To fully and intelligently exercise the ordinary rights of citizenship (as may befit women).
8. Altruistic feeling.
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Do we reach this high standard? In individual cases, perhaps, yes! but generally speaking, un-doubtedly no ! Let us instance the want of patriotism in some of those who were unwilling to serve their country in any capacity during the unfortunate South African war, and whose actions could not possibly be said to be calculated to promote loyalty, but which possibly helped to prolong the struggle with disas¬trous results to both sides.
Is it not the case, also, that in the home life, although Britishers compare favourably with any other nation, there are many ways in which it might be improved in the children's interests ?
There are many who find fault with our method of mental education, and probably rightly so ; certainly many children have their minds filled with knowledge of which much proves to be of doubtful use in after life in the various vocations which they follow. This is being generally recognised by the educational authorities, and they will probably correct all the present faults in time—let us hope that it will be soon, as the matter is of great importance to the children's welfare. In the choice of professions, trades, or occupations, it would be beneficial to the boy if the parents and schoolmaster conferred together in the boy's interest ; the haphazard method of bring¬ing up the boy to nothing in particular and trusting to luck ought to be finally dispensed with. There will always be occasional cases where circumstances
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will not permit of choosing a trade, etc., for the lad; still, these must remain the exceptions.
In my humble opinion, every able-bodied man should be trained as a soldier to enable him to help to defend his country in time of war, and the fundamental part of the training is much more easily taught him while he is yet a schoolboy. Therefore, I believe that drill ought to be compulsory in every boys' school.
If, before they leave school, boys were taught that it will be a great privilege and duty for every one of them, when grown to manhood, to intelligently exercise his rights of citizenship, we should in good time read of 95 per cent. of voters exercising their rights of franchise instead of a somewhat lower percentage as at present. Even do not seem able to rouse some of thoroughly comprehending voting accordingly.
Altruistic feeling must be Church, the parents, and the present race after money, this to be cast on one side, and yet should be present in all classes for the good of the community generally.
With regard to the weaker sex, we may justly say that, taking British women altogether, they are prob¬ably the finest all-round specimens of womanhood in the world, and we are rightly proud of them ; but
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even in their case we can also indicate weak points in their bringing up. Thus, if girls were taught the care of children during school life, how much better would it be for their offspring when, in good time, they became mothers. Again, who would deny that a knowledge of cookery and housewifery tends to make for happiness in the home, especially with those of small or moderate means, and yet how many wives nowadays are informed on these matters ? One might also lay stress on the importance of every woman having a sufficient knowledge that would enable her to render first-aid in the case of an accident ; indeed, the schools might with advantage teach boys and girls first-aid treatment to the injured. In time of war such women would be able (presuming they had also a sufficient knowledge of home nursing) to help trained nurses with their duties at the military hos¬pitals, should there be stress of work.
Might one add that there is a common failing even to-day in many schools of slavishly following what is thought to be the correct subjects with which to fill a child's mind ? What is often euphemistically called "good form " is considered before utility. As a matter of fact, in many instances little thought is given to the real and lasting good which boys and girls are likely to derive from the teaching of any particular subject. Would it not be better in all cases for those responsible for education to consider calmly, practically, and logically the most suitable subjects
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which can be relied upon to prove of most use to the children in question, when they shall have grown to manhood or womanhood ?
WHY WE FAIL
We fail to cultivate in our children the ideals which we desire them to attain, because, first, we do not always bring up our family in our own homes with the wisdom, discretion, firmness, justness, self-denial, perspicacity, and love which should reasonably be expected of parents striving to reach a high ideal for their children. Nor do parents always take care that the environment of their sons and daughters is such as they would wish for them, although the failure to ensure this desirable state of things is an offence against their offspring, and due to laziness, carelessness, neglect, or stupidity.
Secondly, we have not yet, by any means, attained that ideal state in our schools which is beyond dis¬pute absolutely essential if we wish to inculcate the ideals here suggested ; yet it is obvious that the teaching of the home must be reinforced, where necessary, by the teaching of the school, and also vice versa.
Thirdly, we have not yet reached that perfection in family as well as in State government which en¬forces its will in the children's interest. Where the welfare of the country's future men and women is in jeopardy, family as well as State government must
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legislate fearlessly and in the loftiest spirit for the children's benefit.
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HOW WE COULD MODIFY OUR PRESENT SYSTEM OF BRINGING UP CHILDREN TO APPROACH THE IDEAL
From babyhood onwards, we should carefully watch and endeavour to ascertain the peculiarities of the child. Many parents would be astonished if they but knew how early, in the young life, various traits were demonstrated which betoken tolerably accurately the developing character. Thus spite, jealousy, obstinacy, vacillation, selfishness, greediness, or determination, sense of justice, liberality, unselfish¬ness, gentleness, and affection, etc., may be seen, if watched for, some, in the early months, others in the early years of the little person's life. Therefore, parents should not wait until the child is six or seven years old before commencing to bring up the child in the way he should go ; they ought, instead, as every observant mother is aware, to begin the bring¬ing up of the child from the moment the little one can understand the right and wrong of things in general. (See "Duty and Discipline" Leaflet No. 26.) In this understanding children differ, as is quite natural. It comes to some very early, to others a little or somewhat later.
Let us presume that a tactful and intelligent mother has brought up her child to the age of six
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years with the knowledge of the difference between right and wrong, truth and falsehood, determination and obstinacy, liberality and meanness, sufficiency and greediness, industry and idleness, the progress made from six to twelve years will again depend upon the home influence, and also the method of in¬struction employed at school. It is very doubtful if any teaching, however excellent of its kind, can be all that we would desire it to be without a sufficiently conspicuous place being given to the enlightening of the young mind with an adequate knowledge of the Supreme Being. Therefore, religion and secular education must more or less be taught so that one forms the complement of the other.
At no other period of life is it quite so important for the system of culture (physical and mental) to be so complete as between the ages of from six to twelve years. It should be suitable to the individual, sane in its application, and beneficial in preparing the child for the battle of life, and instructing him in his duties as a future citizen. It is a period during which the parents have their great opportunity of inculcating into the child religion, loyalty to King and country, family duties, responsibilities, and altruism. Unsel-fishness, truthfulness, industry, courage, endurance, alertness, moderation, determination, gentleness, friendship, good feeling, and common sense need alluding to on appropriate occasions and in a tactful manner in order that good qualities may bear fruit,
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and undesirable ones be eliminated or kept in check. Great, indeed, are the responsibilities of parents, but little short of prodigious are the possibilities which wise parents may achieve in guiding the expanding minds of their children. During the same period it is surely incumbent upon the school authorities to teach instantaneous obedience, respect for authority (illustrated as far as possible from the lessons to be learned from the lives of great Britons of the past), respect for and comprehension of the Union Jack, systematic military drill, and physical exercises, be¬sides reading, writing, arithmetic, history, geo¬graphy, drawing, etc.
The Earl of Meath's efforts to establish "Empire Day " (May 24th) deserve the thanks of the whole British Empire. It is a day to think of King, flag, country, and duty ; it has already done much good, and will in the future appeal to all classes to an even greater extent as its scope and meaning become more generally and thoroughly appreciated.
Another point : Let us make our system of educa¬tion a thoroughly practical one and suitable for dif¬ferent classes of children so that it will be a material gain to them and not a possible hindrance as they grow older. For instance, boys who intend to be farmers and who show no special aptitude for book learning ought surely only to be taught the three R's, history, geography, patriotism, drill, and such special knowledge as will be directly useful to them in after
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life as farmers. By all means give every boy the chance to rise as high in the world as his natural gifts are capable of elevating him, only do not let us attempt to make a boy do impossible things by an impossible system. We must always see that our system of education is based upon knowledge of what is required, common sense, and experience.
In dealing with the education of girls from six to twelve years the same principles hold good. There¬fore, surely, all girls from the age of ten years ought to be taught those subjects which will be of special use to them in after life, such as cooking, sewing, laundry work, and the laws of health.
It is desirable to teach each subject in the simplest and most practical manner by experts. I am not in favour of teaching girls the care and management of babies until they are twelve years old, but then it should be compulsory. Housewifery and first-aid to the injured could also be taught after this age.
It will be well here to suggest that though it is our duty to do the best that we can for feeble-minded children, it is doubtful if the desire to improve these unfortunate little ones does not involve much wasted energy and money. Make them happy by all means, and improve them as far as it has been shown to be possible ; but some of the money possibly uselessly spent in this direction at present might be better utilised on behalf of ordinary or exceptionally clever children.
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mately gain and so be repaid for its care in enforcing a well-considered and wise system of education in the schools.
No one would deny that appropriate food, good housing and suitable clothes are of great importance to the growing child, but much more important is the example, for good or otherwise, which he receives from his parents, schoolmaster and companions. When a child of well-to-do parents is of a tender age it is a wise precaution for them to satisfy them¬selves that the nurse, whose power over the child is considerable, is a suitable person to have charge of the child and that she can really speak the King's English, thus obviating the possibility of the young and active brain learning English inaccurately and in a slovenly manner. The power of imitation in the child is highly developed, and it plays a conspicu-ous part in the dawn of intelligence; therefore, parents ought to be sufficiently careful of their off¬spring's environment.
In days gone by there can be no doubt that children were harshly and even cruelly treated by their upbringers, but at the present time the fault is, as a rule, that too much indulgence is shown to them. Treat children with kindness, love, justice and reason : this is the duty of all parents; but instantaneous obedience should from the earliest years be insisted on. Should the child need reproving, it must be done by first quietly reasoning with the child (if it is
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old enough), and pointing out his or her fault ; if this fails to have the desired effect, it may be neces¬sary to have recourse to corporal punishment. "Spare the rod and spoil the child " is as true to-day as it was generations ago ; only we must be quite sure that we have tried first in every reasonable manner to cure the offence before having recourse to punish¬ment. Let us also remember that punishments which are not dreaded are ineffective, and ineffective punish¬ments are worse than useless ; they only irritate. Corporal punishment ought never to be applied to really hurt the child, but rather to make him or her understand you are in earnest in a reasonable request and that you must be obeyed. Nobody who is well acquainted with children could doubt the truth of the old adage, "The boy is father to the man," and the time spent by parents in heart-to-heart talks with their children is never wasted.
CONCLUSION
In this dissertation upon the upbringing of children I have endeavoured to write in an impartial manner of the general principles which might be established in this connection ; only here and there has a particular class been specified, and then only when it was apparent that they would be specially affected by the point in question. Far from my mind is the idea that the matter as here considered will be agreed to by all parents, as naturally in some
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