Essay No. 17
Lack of Discipline
in the Training of Children—
and the Remedy
BY
The Most Reverend J. F. Peacocke, D.D.
(Archbishop of Dublin.)
THERE can be no doubt that children are brought up, in these days, more softly than in days not so far distant but that some of us can remember them. There is less of training for life and its duties because there is less discipline. What has been the effect of this change on the character and moral stamina of the people of these islands ? Has it been good or bad? I cannot think that it has been altogether for good. It is quite true that the discipline to which children were subjected fifty or a hundred years ago was, in some respects, too severe, but it produced men and women self-controlled and self-reliant, with a strong sense of duty, prepared to do what was right because it was right, even though it was sometimes unpleasant and had to be done against the grain. Is there no danger that this modern softness in the training of children, if persevered in, may result in a moral deterioration in the community generally ? Some of us think that we see signs of it already. But whether this point has been reached or not, un-
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doubtedly the danger exists, and should be reckoned with.
But wherein lies the danger ? It lies in the fostering of self-will, and impatience of control on the part of the young—in the encouraging of an unwillingness to deny themselves either for their own sakes or for the sake of others, or at the call of duty ; and in the awakening of a desire to get through life with as little hard work as may be possible, and with as much of ease and enjoyment as may be procurable.
And if this be the tendency of slackness of discipline in early days, what may we expect to be the result in after-life ? We must be prepared to find a lowering of the moral standard—an absence of the moral grit and robustness without which a character is flaccid and unreliable; and if this condition should unhappily become widespread amongst our people, it will certainly lead to a national degeneracy which may end, as in the case of ancient Rome, in the nation losing its moral fibre, and finally reaching such a state that it becomes no longer able to stand up in the face of a more virile, because better disciplined, people.
In what direction, then, are we to look for a safeguard against such a possible national failure, and for a remedy for any mischief that may have been already done ? I give the general answer in one sentence—in the inculcation of moral and religious
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principles, and of a sense of duty in the minds of our children from their early days, and by backing up this teaching by careful and judicious training in the paths of virtue and of duty.
But this general statement needs to be supplemented by some more particular counsel. May I, then, urge one or two considerations on the attention of parents and others into whose hands the training of children has been committed ? It is admitted, I think, on all sides, that love should be the ruling principle in our dealing with children—in our efforts to prepare them for the duties and responsibilities of life. But we have to be careful that it is really love, and not mere fondness, which rules our action. Love consults only and always for the highest and ultimate well-being of the child; mere fondness will have regard to its pleasure and gratification at the moment. A parent who loves his child will deny him what he knows to be injurious to health or to moral wellbeing, and will punish him when he wilfully does wrong; in other words, he will submit him to discipline. A merely fond parent, on the other hand, will indulge his child in every wish and whim of his, so far as may be possible ; and will shrink from punishing when it is his plain duty to do so. In many cases he is too indolent or too selfish to punish his child—it would disturb his own ease and give him pain and trouble. This is not love; it is, at bottom, a form of selfishness.
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Then, again, it should be borne in mind that character is largely built up by habits, and that childhood and youth are pre-eminently the time of life at which habits are formed. Tell me what a man's habits are, and I will form a shrewd estimate of his character.
Now, it will be agreed, I suppose, that truthfulness is an essential element in a solid, virtuous character. Truth is a cardinal virtue. Truthfulness, which is truth in practice, is a habit. If this habit be not formed in early life, it will be difficult to acquire it in later years. It is almost essential in the training of children in this and in every other good habit that parents should lay themselves out to gain the confidence of their children. The habit of untruthfulness in children in some cases grows out of undue strictness and harshness on the part of their parents in their treatment of them. They come to the conclusion that their parents do not care to enter into their feelings—they seem to them to be unreasonable in what they require of them—and thus they get into the habit of trying to deceive them in order to hide some delinquency on their part. If parents have secured the confidence of their children, the temptation to attempt concealment and deception is immensely reduced. And it should be borne in mind that children are quick to detect inconsistency between the parents' teaching and action. If the parent be himself untruthful, the child very
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soon finds it out, and thenceforward all exhortation to be truthful, and all punishment for lying, will count for little or nothing.
Another habit to be acquired in childhood is obedience. No one is fitted for the duties of life who has not learned to obey. Obedience implies self-control, and the submission of the will to that of another who his the right to direct. There is no really sterling character where the habit of obedience is wanting. The moral state of the man or woman who has not learned this virtue is as that of a city whose walls are broken down and which is open and defenceless. Passion and selfish impulse and desire gain the mastery, and a wilful, uncontrolled, disordered life is the result, issuing only too often in moral and physical and social ruin. It is a cruel wrong to a child to allow him to have his own way, and not to insist on unquestioning obedience.
But in order that this training may be effective and accomplish its object, wisdom and common sense on the part of the parent is much needed. Arbitrary, unreasonable commands should not be given. Threats of punishment which there is no intention to carry out should never be used. The child should be made to understand that once a command has been given it must be obeyed. When a child understands that a father's and a mother's love is prompting the command there will not be much difficulty in securing obedience.
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These two habits (the habits of truthfulness and obedience—truthfulness implying honour, uprightness and straightforwardness; obedience carrying with it self-control, self-repression, self-denial and regard for others) will, by God's blessing, help to build up a character which will bear the stamp of moral strength; by which the man who has been trained in these habits will be enabled to fulfil, at least in a measure, the responsibilities that rest upon him in life—be they small or great—discharging faithfully the duty that he owes to God, to his country, to his neighbour, and to himself.
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