Login
Get your free website from Spanglefish
This is a free Spanglefish 2 website.

Essays 11 to 15

Essay No. 11.
Have we the " Grit " of our Forefathers ?
BY
The Right Hon. the Earl of Meath, P.C., K.P.
(Reprinted by the kind permission of the Editor of the " Nineteenth century and After.")

THIS is a question that all who love their country should ask themselves, for upon the answer depends not only the existence of the Empire, but also the very continuance of the British race as one of the dominant peoples of the world.
The writer of this article, while recognising that the "grit " of our forefathers (to use an expressive and well understood, though perhaps not strictly classical, word) is to be found in its full strength and vigour amongst large numbers of our people, doubts whether it permeates the entire mass of the population in anything like the proportion it did, say, a hundred years ago. The writer understands by the word "grit" that virile spirit which makes light of pain and physical discomfort, and rejoices in the consciousness of victory over adverse circumstances, and which regards the performance of duty, however difficult and distasteful, as one of the supreme virtues of all true men and women. Having expressed this
1


2
doubt, he will endeavour to justify it by pointing out some of the signs which appear to him indicative of a decadent spirit and of a lack of virility amongst portions of all classes of the community.
Let us give in this matter, as is right, due precedence to the ladies.
The deeds of former generations of British men and women, patent to all who read history, render it unnecessary to argue the possession by our ancestors of this virile spirit.
Do our women of the present day carry on the noble traditions of their forerunners in this respect ? The word " duty " was as sacred to our grandmothers as it was to our grandfathers.
Duty demanded of a woman in former days that she should subordinate her own inclinations to those of her parents and of her husband, and that in her conduct she should consider the interests of the State. She was taught that her first duty in life was to marry, and produce children who should carry on worthily the traditions of the family and of the race to which she belonged. Whilst unmarried she was trained in the virtues of obedience, respect for authority, endurance, and diligence in the prosecution of all household and domestic duties. She was expected to prepare herself for the married state. When married, honour demanded that she should face the obligations of the marriage tie and the sufferings and dangers of childbirth (ten times greater in her days


3
than in ours) with as much coolness and courage as was expected of the man on the field of battle or in the presence of deadly peril.
Society was merciless to those of either sex who failed in the exhibition of courage in the face of their respective duties.
What is the attitude of some of the women of to-day towards these special duties and obligations of their sex ? Is it not a fact that amongst the richer classes, at all events, some girls decline to marry unless their suitors are in a position to supply them with luxuries unheard of by their mothers ? And have we not heard of girls marrying a man for his money, or his position, and then refusing to live with him ?—an act of cold-blooded treachery and of heartless cruelty, which society should punish by a stern ostracism of the offender.
We know that the birth-rate is diminishing year by year. Does not this mean that women are showing the white feather, and are shirking one of the principal duties of their sex ? Again, are the present generation of mothers to be found as often in the nursery and in the schoolroom as their ancestors ? I think not. The general complaint is that amongst the richer mothers the children are more and more being left to the care of governesses and nurses. The desire for pleasure and for personal ease seems to have taken firm hold of the minds of many well-to-do women, and to have driven out the maternal


4
instincts. I do not say that the women of to-day are altogether lacking in physical or moral courage. To gratify her ambitions in the world of sport, or of society, the modern woman not infrequently displays a fine quality of endurance and great tenacity of purpose. The question is, do the majority of the women of our nation exercise these same virtues of self-control and discipline in the performance of daily duties, both great and small ?
The middle-class woman apes her fashionable sister. In former days the wife of the professional man took an active, personal, intelligent part in the management of her home. She was to be found in the kitchen, as well as in the nursery ; she was careful of her husband's money, and did not attempt to vie with her social superiors. Now all this is altered. She must run in the same race as her fashionable sister, with perhaps only a tenth part of the latter's income, to the financial ruin of her husband and of his professional prospects. Not infrequently the husband also, imbued with the theory that "nothing succeeds like success," urges her to keep up the level of so-called smartness and style, in order to maintain the impression of his professional prosperity, and because he too enjoys the luxuries of good living, costly dressing, and frequent social pleasures.
The ever-increasing body of professional and of working women is perhaps less exposed to the dangers engendered by easy and sheltered living,


5
but even am0ngst a certain class of these there is a tendency to shirk any training which entails long and concentrated effort, and a happy-go-lucky impression prevails in some minds that general adaptability and native wit will enable them to seize the chances of life, and to steer themselves into a haven of comparative prosperity. The instability of much women's work, and the constant creation of new occupations, through the whims of fashion and other causes, tend to develop a habit of lightly disregarding the performance of monotonous duties ; while the demands made by class custom upon many professional women for extravagant dressing, and for the acquisition of the latest social accomplishment, creates a love of luxury, of excitement, and of constant change, that seriously militates against the development of the more stable traits of character.
Let us descend again in the female social world.
Has not the modern domestic caught the fever of an easy life and of equality of condition ? Is she to-day as solicitous of her employer's interest, as hard-working, as skilled in her profession, and as proud of it as the servant of former days ?
Without being a pessimist, I fear the answer to these questions cannot be truthfully given in the affirmative.
If there be some grain of truth in what I have said, is there not reason to inquire why the women


6
of to-day take a less serious view of their duties than did those of former generations ?
Let us now consider briefly the case of the men, and the attitude assumed by them in regard to duty. Do they possess the same measure of "grit " as their forefathers ?
The writer desires to make no sweeping generalisations. He proudly acknowledges the splendid qualities of courage and of endurance displayed within recent years by large numbers of Britons, both in peace and in war. He fully recognises the heroic deeds of our soldiers, of our sailors, in action, and of our civilians in times of accident and of peril to life; nevertheless, he would ask whether it is not a fact that surrenders to the enemy, without serious loss of life, took place during the Boer War more frequently than it is agreeable t0 the patriot to hear about? In previous wars, when surrenders occurred, they were almost invariably in accordance with superior orders and after such serious loss of life as showed that ultimate success was a practicable impossibility. But in the Boer War some British soldiers are reported to have thrown down their arms without orders, and this on more than one occasion ; and it is even said that a great surrender took place owing to a junior officer having raised the white flag withouf instructions. I do not like to dwell on this subject, as it may seem to cast a slur—which is the last thing I should desire to do—on an Army which


7
I firmly believe to be still the equal in courage of any in the world.
Let us turn to the civil side of life.
It may be argued that our supremacy in the Olympic Games is sufficient proof of the healthy condition of our national qualities of pluck and endurance. I do not regard this as sufficient proof. The excellent results achieved by a few selected experts, who are subjected to long and severe training, is no guarantee that there is a high standard of physical efficiency and of courage among the people as a whole. Even in this realm of sport, dear as it is to the heart of the nation, there is an increasing tendency, among both rich and poor, to enjoy it as a spectacle rather than to take an active part in it, and there are large numbers of men who are far readier to criticise the "form " of some notable footballer or cricketer than they are to submit themselves to even the mild severities of amateur training, or to take the rough and tumble of the game itself.
The writer is fully aware that large numbers of men are labouring steadily and honestly in their respective spheres for small and often most inadequate pittances without grumbling, content as long as they can worthily perform the tasks which duty demands of them; but is this the usual attitude of men towards the work of their lives ? and do our men compare favourably in this respect with those of some other nations, such as the German and the Scandinavian ?


8
The average Englishman is often too phlegmatic and heavy of brain to forecast the future with any detail. He is content to trust to inherited instincts of pluck and resource to pull him through all difficulties and adverse circumstances. He forgets that these same instincts of pluck and of resource were only developed in our forefathers by the hard and strenuous conditions of their daily lives, conditions which enforced the continual, not the occasional, use of these qualities.
The national and individual successes of former times, of which we are so proud to-day, were won by the unrelaxing "grip " which our ancestors, as a rule, kept on themselves in the performance of duty ; and this was combined with an ever-watchful outlook on the future, and a foresight which was largely the result of the stern discipline of the day, which never failed to visit with instant and condign punishment any dereliction of duty, or even innocent failure in the execution of superior orders. We are justly proud of the victories of Nelson, but how many of us know or realise that he was constantly and untiringly, in all spare hours, preparing himself and his captains for every possible contingency of naval warfare? The battle of the Nile was mentally won before ever it took place, yet most Englishmen attribute it to the brilliant genius of the moment. Pluck and quick-wittedness are invaluable national assets, but they cannot be maintained without fre.


9
quent daily use, much less can they be retained at that high level of perfection at which we are wont to estimate them if their use be relegated solely to the emergencies of life.
The German works longer hours, takes fewer holidays, and often spends his leisure in perfecting himself in his business, with the result that he is cutting out our men in many spheres of life. Whilst the young Englishman's head is filled with thoughts of sport, and that far too often from the point of view of the spectator rather than of a participant, the German is gaining knowledge which will avail to advance him in his profession. The waste places of the earth used formerly to be colonised by the Briton ; now he finds the labour of subduing nature too severe for his enfeebled energies, and settles in the towns, leaving the health-giving tillage of the virgin soil of new countries to hardier races, whose minds and muscles have been strengthened by discipline, and who recognise the nobility attached to a strenuous labour.
Labour in the present day is a thing to be avoided —not to be proud of. It is a disagreeable necessity, which must be made as short and as easy as possible, compatible with the earning of the dailybread-and-butter.
The substitution of the limited company for the old-fashioned private business tends to make men less conscientious in regard to the service they give to their firm of employers. The managing director


10
of a company is not so severe a taskmaster as the
head of a private firm—he has not so much at stake, either financially or in the matter of commercial reputation ; and neither is there the same incentive to work hard for the benefit of an impersonal body of shareholders as there is for an individual master. Hence the feeling arises that it is sufficient if just enough attention be given to business to prevent the probability of dismissal, and that nothing more can be demanded. Surely this is a deplorable attitude of mind, and one far removed from the mental "grit " of our forefathers, and incompatible with their stern regard for duty. Whilst other nations commence work at five and six o'clock in the morning, and even earlier in summer, in the West End of London no business can be transacted before nine or ten a.m. So engrained are our idle habits that, hopeless of being able to induce the present generation to change its hours, Parliament has, through one of its Committees, approved of a Bill to legalise the alteration of the clock on certain dates, so as to induce people to rise earlier than they are accustomed to do by making them believe that the hour is later than it really is. Can anything show more clearly than does the discussion of such a Bill how idleness has eaten into the bone of some portions of our people ? for, of course, if of our own free will we chose to rise earlier in the morning, no legislation would be necessary.


11
No other nation maintains an army of paupers out of the enforced taxation of the industrious. No other State provides hotel accommodation gratis for those of its citizens who dislike work and prefer to roam from workhouse to workhouse and enjoy, at the expense of their hard-working neighbours, the delights of the country in the summer. With such facilities for idleness it is not astonishing that Great Britain can show a larger number of idle men living on the industry of others than any other country in the world. These men claim to be unemployed, but, as John Burns is reputed to have said—and he ought to know—"their one prayer on rising, if they ever pray, is that they may not find work that day."
It has been ascertained that in ordinary times amongst these men the proportion of genuine unemployed who are both able and willing to work is only about 3 or 4 per cent., the others being either physically incapable of work or idle scoundrels living on their fellows.
Slackness is not, however, confined to the poorer classes; it is found also amongst the richer, amongst those who have been enervated by a faulty upbringing, usually connected with luxurious living. There is an increasing difficulty in finding amongst the leisured classes men willing to work without remuneration for the public benefit and in philanthropic enterprises. It is a very, general complaint that as


12
the hard-working men of leisure of the older generation die off it is difficult to replace them.
There appears to be a general slackness amongst all classes of our population in regard to the performance of duty—a slackness which is weakening to the moral fibre and is one of the most potent signs of lack of "grit " amongst the young.
Pleasure is the god—self-indulgence the object aimed at. Large numbers of men and women seem to have but one aim, namely, enjoyment of the largest amount of so-called pleasure with the smallest amount of labour. As a matter of fact, these people never really obtain the object of their desire, for they never taste of genuine pleasure, which declines to be divorced from that honest labour which is the true source of its keenest delights.
But is this right ? Can a nation flourish under these conditions ? Remember that our Empire has been obtained by hard struggle and our commercial position by indomitable pluck. Is it likely that we shall be permitted to retain these except through the strength of our own right arms and by the power of well-trained brains ? We are face to face with hard-working competitors who have been taught in the home and in the school to subordinate self to the demands of duty, and who have received the most careful and intelligent and well-considered training in all branches of knowledge. In Germany and in Scandinavia nothing in the training of youth is left


13
to chance, and this training is compulsorily continued until the man or woman attains adult age. We permit the children of our working and industrial classes to leave school at thirteen, or even at twelve years of age, we teach them little that is of practical use to them during these few years, and then, after spending millions, we turn them loose into the streets, free from all control, and wash our hands of them. The boys have learnt no trade, the majority of the girls can neither cook, wash, nor make their own garments unless the materials are cut out for them. They cannot even scrub properly, and are unwilling to do what they consider menial work. A helpless crew, which soon becomes a hopeless one. They can only become errand boys and girls. In a few years they grow too old for this; they are dismissed, and are left stranded in the world. Undisciplined, untrained, with their heads filled with notions of their own importance, and unable and unwilling to work with their hands, is it astonishing that our streets are filled with armies of incapables who call themselves the unemployed ? And this is the way we are content to raise an Imperial race destined to rule, save the mark one-fifth of the human race !
Will our rulers, our education committees, and the general public never learn that they are manufacturing incapables and paupers by a system of education which treats everyone alike, whatever may be his future calling in life, and which turns out


14
annually thousands of boys who know no useful art or trade or occupation, and of girls who when they marry know nothing about the care and feeding of babies, the management of a home, and all those useful arts so necessary to a housewife—girls and boys who, totally untrained and impecunious, rush into matrimony with a superb disregard of consequences either for themselves or their offspring ?
Poor children, they are to be pitied ! From earliest years they learn that what they want, that they must have, even if it be procured through the agency of the pawnshop, the hire-purchase system, or by the squandering of the family capital. Familiarity with debt, the common use of materials morally not their own because not paid for, and the gratification of every desired pleasure, familiarise these boys and girls with a most unseemly side of life and seriously blunt their moral sensibilities.
In former days the children of their age could neither read nor write, but they had been trained to labour each in his own sphere. They were not made unhappy by being given a smattering of knowledge which must necessarily be useless to ninety out of a hundred; they could generally earn their bread-and-butter, and a hard discipline had placed "grit " into their systems, so that the inevitable sufferings of life were borne by them, as a rule, with a light and even cheerful heart. Troubles and hardships which were the daily lot of previous generations seem to the


15
enfeebled folk of to-day as unbearable. Hence the immense increase of suicides. We even hear of children committing this crime, a thing unheard of in former days.
What is the cause, and what is to be the cure for this unhappy condition of affairs and for the lack of "grit " in portions of our population ?
There are many causes and no one cure. Luxury, the spread of a false humanitarianism, and the consequent decay of discipline are amongst the causes. The rapidity of legislative, scientific, and other economic changes produces the feeling that there is now little stability in even the most venerated institutions, traditions and enterprises; consequently, that it is not worth while to build a career on too solid a foundation.
I do not propose to suggest any one cure, but there are some steps which those of us who are parents might take to counteract the enfeebling influences. To begin with, I maintain that no training is so effective in producing this desired "grit" as strict and unquestioned discipline in the earliest years, enforced if necessary by what used to be called the wholesome "encouragement of a slipper." In addition to this we can surround our children with an atmosphere of order, and teach them steady and cheerful obedience to duty, instead of allowing them to hear from their elders expressions of impatience and annoyance at the intrusions of private and public


16
duty. By wise guidance and observation of Nature we can teach them that obedience and diligence are essential conditions of life itself, and we can enforce these lessons with a kind but firm discipline in the events of their daily lives.
By a wider teaching of history and biography we can demonstrate to them something of the consequences of slovenly, inaccurate, and unwise thought (so often engendered by constant novel reading and unrestricted indulgence in pleasure), of continual disregard of duty, and of slackness of personal discipline, thus inducing the children to submit willingly to a stricter 'regime, and minimising the prevailing sense of rebellion against what often seem to them the senseless dictates of those in authority. If we could but add to this knowledge a sense of the infinite importance of our human inheritance and of our individual and national education, should we not then have given our young men and women a sound foundation of quiet, disciplined strength, on which we could trust them to build, year by year, the structure of noble character ?
Let us see that our children, whatever their station in life, are taught to use their hands, so that they may be able under any reverse of fortune to fend for themselves. By setting them tasks slightly beyond their capabilities we can strengthen by struggle their mental and physical powers and give "grit" to their moral natures. We can give them


17
a taste of the exquisite happiness which follows victory over difficulties, and so prevent them from regarding failure with a benumbing sense of depression. There is a danger lest the too carefully educated children of the present day shall have their mental and manual progress so scientifically graduated that they fail to learn the necessity for that vital effort which alone makes achievement of value. We must so train them that the inevitable mistakes and failures of later years may call forth a quality of dogged persistence, instead of resulting in depression and consternation. We can bring up the children in a more Spartan-like manner, so that the lack of luxuries and comforts may not appear as evils beyond the endurance of man, and that when they go forth into the world they may be accustomed to hard work and to the pressure of subordination, and not make themselves miserable by striking against the inevitable pricks of life. We can, in short, remember, in the nursery and in the home, the words of one of the wisest of men, who said, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame," and we can each of us in his own domestic circle, by example and by precept, preach the gospel of discipline, of duty and of endurance, and thus restore to a generation unborn, or just born, that "grit " which would appear to be lacking in so large a number of the young men and women of to-day.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Essay No. 12
The Decay of Parental Responsibility
BY
Prebendary Carlile
Founder and Honorary Chief Secretary of the Church Army.

THE decay of the sense of parental responsibility is one of the most disquieting symptoms of the present day. The family is the unit upon which all Christian civilisation is founded, and in proportion as the family is disintegrated, so also will follow the disintegration of Christian morals and Christian sanctions.
The responsibility attaching to parenthood is directly imposed upon the parent by the Almighty, from the fact of the parent being the voluntary agent by which is brought into the world, for good or for evil, .a human creature. The responsibility is a heavy—nay, a terrible one ; for it extends not only to the well-being of the body of the child, but to that of the soul, and upon the due exercise of parental authority there depends in very large measure the future of that soul for all eternity. That the responsibility sits very lightly upon the majority of mankind is no reason for regarding it as abrogated. It is impossible for any parent to abdicate his rights
'9


20
and shuffle off his duty upon the municipality or the State, or any other person or body of persons whomsoever. Nor can the State interfere properly with that right and that duty further than by safeguarding the one and seeing that the other is duly performed.
The tendency of the day is all the other way about. For years education at the ratepayers' cost and at the expense of the State has been at work, undermining and blunting the sense of responsibility of the parent for the training of his children, until education has come to be regarded as the exclusive concern of the State, with which the parent has little or nothing to do. Free meals ate another step in the same direction. No doubt we shall soon see free clothing, and then perhaps free housing, until the dreams are realised of those who deny to parents any right over their children or duty towards them, and advocate the bringing up of every child as a child of the State, unwatched, unloved by any human parent, unknown to and unknowing the authors of its being. From such a catastrophe may Heaven protect us !
It is a sad and humiliating thing to read, as one does not infrequently in the Press, of a father or mother appearing in the police court and solemnly protesting that some miserable little boy or girl, having the misfortune to own the applicant as parent, is beyond parental control. No doubt there are cases in which the applicant is chiefly influenced by


21
a desire to get the child sent to an industrial school, where it will be maintained at the public expense without trouble to the parent; but there are other cases in which the parent is honestly convinced that the child is beyond control, and that repeated experience has shown it to be useless to attempt to exercise authority. One is tempted to inquire, "Are birch-rods no longer to be purchased ? " But these parents are the very ones who would cry out in horror and anger at the barbarity of beating a child, and who summon the school teacher if he or she ventures to administer the mildest and best-deserved physical correction. No one abhors cruelty more than I do, but one cannot fail to see that the wisdom of Solomon has no less application to-day than it had so many, hundreds of years ago, when the wise king wrote, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." For want of a little wholesome correction the child is ruined body and soul for all eternity. People speak of spoiling children as if it were not a crime towards the child, but an amiable weakness; in fact, the word "spoil " has lost its meaning in this connection, and has acquired a sense wholly misleading. Did we substitute for it "injure," "ruin," "destroy," we should often be nearer the truth.
"Let the poor little things have a good time while they are young," people say; "their troubles will come quite soon enough." Certainly, by all means let us make childhood happy, the happiest


22
time of life, if we can. But unlimited indulgence is not the way to make young lives happy in the present,
and it is a certain way to make after-life miserable. The petted, over-indulged child is not happy. Who are the whining, miserable, complaining little creatures ? They are precisely those whose every whim is indulged, and whose parents are afraid to deny any wish or interfere with any passing pleasure. This is not the way to make a child happy. The happy child is the one under firm and loving control : the one that has learnt to obey without question or hesitation ; that trusts the parent, and knows unconsciously that obedience is required for good reason ; and that when an indulgence is denied it is not for want of affection. Consequently, when its wish is not granted it does not whine and whimper or fly into a passion. It is learning the lesson of discipline and self-control which will be invaluable in after-life. Troubles will come soon enough, truly ; let the parent therefore brace and equip the child to meet them bravely.
Over-indulgence proceeds more often from laziness than from tenderness of heart. It is the same spirit that is exhibited by giving to beggars in the streets. It is much less trouble to give than to refuse. It is much less trouble to grant a child's wish, no matter how imprudent or unsuitable, than to deny it and to cope with consequent tears and rebellion. Perhaps ; but if the child had been properly brought


23
up from the earliest years there need have been no tears or rebellion. It does not follow that corporal punishment is needed. When it is necessary it should be applied; but the average child never needs the rod if only there be firmness and consistency, with unfailing patience and kindness, in its treatment from its infancy.
Coming in contact, as we do in the Church Army, with so much of the weak and evil side of human nature, one cannot fail to be struck with the awful results of this mistaken kindness and indulgence. I should be afraid to say what proportion of the men who throng our Labour Homes can trace their downfall, in part at any rate, to parental weakness. In our prison work we meet with innumerable men and lads who need never have been in prison at all if there had been even a moderate degree of parental wisdom and control. I met, some time ago, with so apt an instance that I am tempted to refer to it at some length.
A father and mother in a good station of life had a son about twenty years of age. He was a young man not wanting in intelligence, and had, at any rate, the opportunity of a good education. He absolutely refused to do anything to earn his own living, and was to all appearance an incurable young savage. He habitually drank to excess, and was not even at the pains to conceal his habits from his parents. He used to come in at all hours of the


24
night, rousing the household to supply him with food and drink, and his behaviour was such as to cause scandal and remonstrance on the part of neighbours. No decent woman was safe from insult at his hands. At the request of his parents he was taken on by the Church Army as a clerk, but after working for half an hour he threw down his pen and went away refusing to work any more. On more than one occasion he showed actual violence to his parents. They acknowledged that they never corrected him as a child, or denied him any indulgence, and that it was lack of discipline in early life which made this miserable young fellow what he is. Yet they did not appear to see that they were in fault, and responsible, not only for the existing misery, but for the young man's ruin, here and hereafter. With proper early training the lad would probably have turned out well, a credit to his parents, and have lived a happy and useful life. As matters stand, I see nothing in the future but an early and dishonoured grave; while the anguish of the parents is a punishment for their own wrongdoing. This is, no doubt, an extreme case, but it illustrates well what I wish to bring home; that want of proper firmness and control is no kindness, but a crime, and is very likely to lead to the child's utter ruin, here and hereafter.
I have recently met with an even more humiliating instance of parental ineptitude. A father living in


25
the suburbs, and fond of his garden and of working in it, has given up the attempt to grow anything in it or to keep it in order, because he cannot prevent his son, an urchin of four or five years old, from trampling on the beds and picking the flowers.
This shrinking on the part of parents from the fulfilment of duty is part of the general softness of the time, and the tendency to regard immediate physical pain as the chief evil, to be avoided at all hazards, and physical ease and pleasure the most desirable objects. We see the same symptom in a hundred different ways—the avoidance of motherhood; the pursuit of luxury; the unwillingness of young men to serve as Territorials; and the crowds who flock to watch hired players play games. On the other side it may be said that there never was a time when pity for the sick, needy, and outcast was more abundant or more practical. We of the Church Army should be most ungrateful to deny it ; but compassion is one thing, and love of ease and pleasure and shrinking from pain and sacrifice are another.
To point out a disease is easy; to suggest a remedy is most difficult. It seems as though there must come a great revulsion of public feeling, causing a reversion to an older type of national character, before any great improvement can be expected. Now that may come, whether through some national catastrophe or not, it is impossible to


26
foretell ; but one thing is certain, that if the national character is undermined, if it becomes soft and permanently averse from sacrifice, it is not Dreadnoughts that will save us, not any great armaments by land or sea or air. I am one who believes that the heart of the nation is yet sound, and that it is still possible to recover our ancient stability of character. But the danger is great, and if the p0sition is to be retrieved we must begin with the parents. The boys and girls of to-day are responsible for the future of the country and empire; and their parents are charged with the duty of so training them that they shall bear themselves bravely and as good citizens. The parents of to-day, therefore, hold the keys of the position. The issues of the future are in their hands. If they exercise their power with wisdom, there is no need to despair of the commonwealth; but if unwisely, our nation's might will pass away to hands more worthy to hold it.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Essay No. 13.
Endure Hardness
BY
The Rev. and Hon. E. Lyttelton, M.A.
Headmaster of Eton College.

IT is not disputable that a general forgetfulness of St. Paul's precept to Timothy has prevailed recently among all classes of society, and especially in the matter of training boys. Or, if not forgotten, the precept has been vaguely thought of as suitable to other days and other people, but not as a truth vitally necessary to all healthy growth.
We have read, possibly, the admirable booklet, "On Pain," by James Hinton, and have cordially assented to his teaching that an ingredient of pain is necessary to all healthy pleasure; such as fatigue and some hardship to mountain-climbing. But to what does this principle point ?
Not only to the need for a capacity in every man for bearing hardship, in case the need should arise —indeed, many young men say truly they don't see how it can arise in their case—but it points to a certain idea of life which must be planted early or it may never take root at all. Further, it reminds us that every kind of endeavour, if not Prosecuted beyond the point where resistance is first encountered,
27


28
is sure to be nearly fruitless. I will briefly treat of these two points in order.
1. A certain idea of life. According as a child has been led to feel life as a uniformly soft, pleasant thing, or as a thing in which pleasure and pain alternate according to law, he will grow up either as a self-indulgent man or as one who "uses law lawfully." The amount of selfishness "around us and within " is, of course, the essence of the evil we have to combat ; and it has reached a gross bulk by the time a youth is twenty, if up to that time his life has been ordered so as to yield a prevailing impression of things being generally arranged to please him. And this is exactly the impression that apparently is stamped upon a very large number of our young men's minds by the experiences they have undergone through childhood and boyhood at the present day. They resent anything like hardness, as if it were their undeniable prerogative to be quit of it, or they genially and pleasantly shirk it. Hence the many good instincts within them are perverted. Instead of simply asking themselves where they are needed for their country's good, they occupy themselves in avoiding hardness, and fancy they are acting unselfishly in teaching their children to do the same.
2. Fruitlessness of endeavour. We are all of us faced with a fact which requires to be learnt, and it takes a long discipline to learn it. It is that, as a rule, any undertaking begins to be useful just


29
where it ceases to be simply pleasant. It is pleasant to read a new book which tells us new things; but it is unpleasant to read it again and painfully note its information and reflect on its new thoughts. Yet, if we stop short of this effort nearly all the good of reading the book at all is lost. Again, we embark on some scheme for bettering the condition of our fellow-men. Before long we encounter the constantly fresh surprise of human prejudice and stupidity. The resistance is considerable, and it is always possible to yield to the maxim that nothing can be done till the psychological moment has arrived; so we assume it has not, and fold the hands again. That means that the initial steps to carry out our design are wasted. If we wish really to better anything or anybody we must push on and overcome resistance; the resistance of stupendous crassness, either in ourselves or others, or probably in both. But overcoming resistance means enduring hardness. And that is just what our modern training has managed to banish from the lives of the young.
This result, I verily believe, is a triumph of the Evil One, because it is a supreme instance of the spoiling of a beautiful thing, parental love. We have been deceived by the arch Deceiver into showing love to our children by humouring them. Suppose we change our ideas and aim at showing them how to overcome unpleasantness of all kinds by the power of a great hope, how vast the difference would be !


30
Now, that hope must be based on experience. Life ought to give each child a succession of rewards emerging out of unpromising incidents through effort. If something is wrong with the summerhouse, let the first thought be whether it is possible for the heir to the property to put it right, unaided. If not, then with the minimum of help. So with the trout-stream and the bicycle and the gun, and, above all, the picnic. Sympathy is never superfluous, nor encouragement, but the one fatal thing is to ring and tell the butler to do the job for the child. So it is when in the holidays there comes on a bout of vile weather—nothing more trying—but it may be actually beneficial if the whole household recognises the need of diverting the boy's enjoyment from lawn tennis to some useful work indoors; either making something or reading hard, or seeing that his very juvenile brother is not bored.
If parents' love is of the sort to insist on these things being done, they will be done, and the home life will be a perpetual training in expecting good and happy result from making efforts, instead of shirking them. Nor can this hope be based on edifying talk ; it must be the outgrowth of experience.
How enormous is the influence to be overcome in remedying a too easy fashion of home training, the following extract from a remarkable book may, serve to show.
In his "Social Life at Rome," Dr. Warde Fowler


31
traces the deadly effect of Slavery in the hardening of the ordinary Roman against the appeal of widespread suffering. In the case of even the best men, "to disregard misery except when they found it among the privileged classes, had become second nature to them." He then proceeds to remark that, "we can better realise this if we reflect even at the present day, in spite of the absence of slavery and the presence of philanthropical societies, the average man of wealth gives hardly more than a passing thought to the discomfort and distress of the crowded population of our great cities."
If this is approximately true at a time when the claims of patriotic service are loudly and persistently enforced, is it not pretty clear that we have to reckon with a deep delusion as to the meaning of home ? We have to take note that if Englishmen are not to be in one sense hard, that is callous, they must be trained to endure hardness as good soldiers of Christ.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Essay No. 14.
The Everyday Training of Children
SOME REMARKS AND SUGGESTIONS
BY
Isabel D. Marris

WHEN dealing with the question of the training of children, it is only possible to do so in regard to general principles, for, as has been well said, "The training of every child is an experiment of incalculable possibilities. No certainty of success can exist at the outset, and the error of a wrong method is hardly discovered till too late for remedy. In other words, where various persons are making their way through a hitherto untraversed wood, nothing but the event itself can show which has taken the best course."
It is evident, however, that at the present time thoughtful people of all classes and of varying professions and occupations—teachers of public, elementary, and secondary schools; parents, rich and poor; employers of men's and women's labour; social workers of all creeds, religious and political—all are inquiring with great concern and anxiety, "Are we doing the best for the children after all ?" Indeed, it is well to ask in these days whether we are
33


34
not, in our anxiety to give happiness and pleasure to the little ones. during their childhood, allowing them to wander at their own sweet will too far into the wood of pleasure, self-gratification, and self-centredness, and failing to point out to them with sufficient firmness that only 'the paths of duty, self-control, obedience, and effort can ever lead them safely through the wood to the homeland of happy communion and reverent intercourse with their FATHER-GOD.
Although one acknowledges with deep thankfulness that in many directions there is a splendid ideal of service and self-control upheld by and acted upon by both parents and children, one is only too familiar, on the other hand, with such expressions as the following, and with the facts which they describe. From the lips of workers in town and country alike one hears : "Lor' bless you, ma'am, I can't do anything with them. 'Twas never so in my day ; but now the children they take precious little heed of me or of their Dad. It's all for pleasure they are nowadays; they'll do no work at home." Or again one hears : " 'Tis no use talking to her, she'll go her own way spite of all I can say or do." From Suburbia comes the same lament : " Oh, Tommy he's quite beyond me; the children must go their own way now. I've talked till I'm tired, but they take no notice of me nor of their father." It is now a common experience for preparatory school masters


35
or mistresses to hear parents say to them, "Of course,
we did not mean to send X to school for another
year or so (X— is now four or five years old), but you see no one can do anything with him (or her) at home, so there is nothing for it but to send him to school."
One can well imagine in how many cases this sense of failure and despair is felt, though not so candidly expressed, as one watches the weary faces of many young mothers, and the fretful fidgetiness of the children accompanying them.
What a sad confession of failure it is in what should be the highest delight in life, namely, the possession of children ! What had promised to be the crown of life's joy is turned to sorrow, disappointment, worry, and fret. And the pity of it is that the cause of a great deal of the trouble is over-fondness for the children.
What is the result of this unwise love on the children themselves, and also on the nation to which they belong ? For the children it means sorrow and suffering later in life, without doubt. Life's lessons of discipline have to be learnt sooner or later, and if they are not learnt by means of the wise, strict, but loving training given by the parents in early childhood, the lessons that experience of the world outside the home will teach will be far more harsh and bitter. And what about the nation to which these spoilt children belong ? The same is equally


36
true. History teaches us what is the result, upon a nation, of a love of pleasure and luxury, self-pleasing, and lack of self-control. The laws that have always governed the world are not likely to be altered for the special benefit of the British race. If we as a nation follow the same path of indulgence that led to the downfall of Rome and Greece, we English people will just as surely be ruined by our own faults, or conquered by a more disciplined nation, as were the Romans and the Greeks.

I.--THE IMPORTANCE OF INFANTILE HABITS
From the downfall of kingdoms to the question of the management of babies seems a very far cry, but there is a clear connection between the two subjects nevertheless, for every baby is a citizen, and must some day do his 0r her duty to the country to which he or she belongs ; so let us consider the question of the management of the baby.
Every good nurse, and most mothers, know that the infant only a few weeks old will try the strength of its tiny will against that of those who are in charge of it. Lusty howls for food at the wrong time, coaxing and piteous little wails to be taken up and nursed instead of lying in the cot—who does not know the longing to take the little mite in one's arms and to soothe and comfort it as best one can ? To do this, however, is to begin that mistaken kindness which will soon cause great harm to the child. The tiniest


37
baby should feel through all the love and care of the mother that she really knows best, and that it is no use to try to fight against her wishes. An infant cannot reason this out, of course, but it can feel the sense of authority just as quickly as it can feel the sense of love ; and everyone knows how quickly a baby can tell the touch or voice of someone who loves it.
A child should feel through all the love and care of the parents that it would be of no use to " try it on," to clamour and coax, to storm or to sulk for what it wants, because when mother or father said, "No," it meant "No," and nothing else. Children are just as sensitive to "touch " as animals are. The horse or dog whose master is strict but kind, is happy and bright, and plays no stupid tricks. But hand the management of the same animals over to some friend who is timid or foolishly kind, who one day allows one thing and the next day forbids it, and you are surprised to find your steady, cheerful favourites looking, as the saying runs, "just anyhow," and becoming lazy and full of naughty ways. The same is true of children. They need a wise, steady firmness over them from the earliest days right on until they have learnt to rule themselves.
We hear a great deal about "unchecked self-development" and "natural growth," and many, other wonderful theories that all have some measure of truth in them, no doubt, but that also work a great deal of mischief. Far more harmful than all such


38
ideas, however, is the sheer ignorance of many young mothers as to what may or may not be allowed in the controlling of their babies. They know little or nothing of the child's physical strength or nature, but often live in terror of something mysterious happening internally, or that the baby will have convulsions the moment it uses its little lungs to howl lustily. "Oh, my baby never cries," one hears a proud young mother say to a friend; "I never let him cry; one never knows how they may injure themselves by a crying fit. Now, he is so quiet you would hardly think there was a baby in the house, he is so good." If the friend has any experience she will probably point out that there must be something very wrong with a baby who lies so unnaturally still all day. Such a state of affairs is just as wrong as to have an infant wailing and fretting morning, noon, and night. In either of such cases there is probably mismanagement as well as ill-health.
Mrs. Sumner, the President of the Mothers' Union, has said over and over again that by the age of three years a child should be consciously obedient. If this result is to be obtained it is absolutely necessary that the training should begin from the earliest days of the child's life.

II—FIRST LESSONS IN SELF-DEPENDENCE - FEEDING
In the daily training of little children who are no longer helpless babes, there arises first and foremost


39
a greater need for patience and self-control on the part of the mother. As long as an infant is helpless and entirely dependent on the mother, the amount of time and attention spent on the child rests entirely, with her. But soon the time comes when it is necessary to begin the first lessons in self-help, and help of mother too. For those who have not a great deal of work to do it is delightful above all things to spend a l0ng time in watching the alterations and developments each day brings in the child, and in patiently training each tiny effort made. But to the busy woman to whom every moment of time is precious, and also to the very young mother who still longs to do every single thing for her baby herself, there is a danger lest the time and patience and the wisdom that is needed to teach a little child to wait on itself should be lacking. It is far quicker and much less trouble, and is often a greater pleasure, to dress a child from head to foot oneself than to stand by while the little thing struggles with socks and shoes and petticoats. It is a great deal easier to take the spoon and feed the baby oneself than to keep patient and good-tempered while the small person wildly waves its spoonfuls of gravy, or makes fascinating mountains and hills of rice pudding or rivers of milk before it finally gets through enough dinner to last out till tea-time. In fairness to the child, however, these daily lessons must be given, for self-help is necessary to happiness and is the


40
beginning of help of others. It is astonishing how soon young children can learn to be helpful to themselves and others too when they are expected to be so. The child that is expected at two or three years old to be able to carry a cup or plate without accident will rarely break anything, while often a child of six or seven is thought wonderful if he can eat his meals without spilling everything within reach or cutting his fingers with the knives.
The question of making children eat their meals properly is sometimes a difficult one, especially with "only " children. It is often a matter of health, but by no means always so often as is imagined. It is not possible to lay down rules, but one general principle certainly holds good for all ordinary, normal children who are not out of health—namely, that if they will not eat their meals properly at the proper time, if they get very slow and play with their food, or are fanciful over it, they must just go hungry till the next mealtime. It will never hurt a healthy child to be hungry for a few hours. If it cries, it is its own fault, and it must be made to see this, not with anger, but with wise firmness. To let the child leave the food provided at the proper time, and then to give it something else half an hour or an hour later, is spoiling of the worst kind, for physical appetite must be controlled from the earliest years.
This is one of the most important lessons, and is the foundation of great powers either for good


41
or evil later in the child's life. Mother Nature, in her wisdom, punishes us all in this same way if we disregard her laws. If we give in to our likes and dislikes, if we refuse good food and fresh air, and abuse the rules of health by indulging ourselves in snicks and snacks of food or drink just when we feel inclined, digestion and general health suffer sooner or later without fail. It is perfectly certain also that the girl or boy who, from childhood, has been allowed to indulge in whims and fancies over food and drink whenever he or she chooses, will have a far harder battle to fight against those other desires that will assert their power and struggle to gain the mastery later on in life.
An ordinarily healthy child will not turn faint or be injured in any way by being consciously hungry for a spell of four or six hours. Indeed, there are many men and women living to-day who have reason to be thankful that they have known what real hunger was. To mention only one, the Bishop of Auckland himself acknowledged this when speaking to the Mothers' Union Conference last year. It is not easy for the boy or girl who has no idea what it feels like to be really hungry ever to thoroughly sympathise with those to whom hunger, and, worse still, the hunger of those they love, is a daily experience.
There is another point in connection with this which is also worth bearing in mind. It is this. Children should have plenty of good, wholesome


42
liquid—water, weak tea, milk, &c.—at proper times during the day, but it is not wise to allow them
continually to have sips and drinks of water at other
times. An additional draught of some wholesome beverage after a cricket or football match, or after
dancing or some big romp, is, of course, reasonable,
but the constant request for "a drink of water" that many children make is not a good thing. In many
cases the need for it is only imaginary, and, as teachers know, it is often only an excuse to draw attention, or to break through the lesson or occupation in hand at the moment.
In addition to the daily training in good habits in regard to food and drink, it is advisable that now and then some meal should be gone without, or restraint over food in some way practised.
For example, if there is to be a shopping expedition to the town which will prevent return to the
family dinner or tea, it is sometimes a good thing to say to the children, "We will not get anything to eat in town, we will wait till we get home, it costs so much going to town; or we will spend the money on buying a present for X—, and it will not hurt us to be hungry for once."
If the children are tiny and cannot quite understand this, one can play a game and imagine that we are soldiers or travellers who cannot find any food, or that there is a siege of the town and all the food has been eaten up.


43
In only too many, cases a journey to the town is an occasion for what the boys vulgarly call "a good blow-out" for the youngsters, or, at any rate, for a supply of buns, chocolate, or nuts. There is nothing much more delightful or less harmful than now and again to take some small people in the holidays to a confectioner's and to give them a "good tuck-in," but this is a different thing from making it a custom to have extra nice food every time there is a visit to the town.
The same principle applies equally, of course, to indulgence in toys, papers, and presents every time the child, or the parents, make some outing or journey. The writer knows a child whose mother always bought him some present every time she went to the neighbouring town, and whenever he went with her. Soon the child could not go to the railway book-stall or the village shop without wanting to buy something for himself. When he went to a boarding-school he had great difficulty over his pocket-money, for he could not resist cameras, knives, or pocket pens. He spent all his money in advance, and soon got quite used to borrowing from his chums, without realising for a moment, poor little chap, that he was doing what was not right. Luckily, after a hard battle with himself, and with the help of a dearly loved godparent, who discovered how things were, he has now learnt self-control.
It is extremely hard to resist the inclination to


44
give every possible pleasure and every toy or present that one can find money for to the bairns that one loves, but indeed to do so always is cruel kindness in the long run.

I.-THE NEED FOR ORDER AND GOOD METHOD
However much trouble and time it may take, it is absolutely necessary to train even tiny children to be careful of their own possessions, and also, as they grow older, to be punctual and prompt in the affairs of daily life.
The child who throws its clothes off anywhere and anyhow ; who can never find its lesson-books, t0ys, or tools; who persists in using sponges, tooth-brushes, or towels for unlawful purposes, such as cleaning bicycles or messing with photography ; who is, in short, wasteful and untidy, is not likely to develop into the man or woman ready to, and capable of, seizing the chances of life as they come. The untidy, unmethodical, and unpunctual child will certainly become a hurried, worried, always-behindhand man or woman, and how can such a one be ready, for instance, at a few hours' notice to pack up and start for the Colonies on some errand for his employer, or to fill some vacancy that sudden chance leaves open to him ?
Once more we find that training in orderly daily routine is a matter for self-restraint on the part of both mother and child. The tears and sighs of pro-


45
test of the good old-fashioned days when clothes had to be folded up and properly put away, the wriggles of shame and discomfort at being marched upstairs again from the cosy corner by mother's fire in the drawing-room because those dreadful toys or "doll-rags" were found stuffed into odd corners or left lying about in the nursery, all formed a valuable training that is, alas too often missing in the present day, when the children in many families run riot all over the house, where their toys and possessions are strewn over chairs and tables in every room, and where the mother's scissors and cottons, paper and pens, and even dresses and gloves, are considered common property.
Think for one moment how disorderly habits must affect the habits of later life. The boy who is for sixteen or more years of his life continually happy.go-lucky and careless; who spoils his clothes, his tools, and his bats; who never knows if he is in debt with his pocket-money or not ; who may turn up to dinner in time, or who may be half an hour late; and who can never be depended on to bring back a message correctly or to time, is not likely to turn out a good business man, capable of doing steady, continuously, responsible work, needing forethought, accuracy, and reliability. With his personal affairs in confusion, and always being half an hour behind time, is he likely ever to have a spare hour or day in the week in which to do his share of the work of his


46
town or his church ? What chance does such a lad stand in the competition of business life to-day ? Boys must be boys, and, above all, let us avoid making prigs of the bairns, or of making them old before their time; but there can be plenty of fun and merriment for the children even if they are trained to orderly ways.
The same is equally true for the girls. The fly-about, untidy, unpunctual girl, always in a flurry
and a worry, who rushes for trains in a perfect
scramble, who forgets half her errands when going to the town, who in younger days was often late for
school and forgot her lesson-books or clean pinafore,
what chance has such a girl of happiness and comfort when she comes to have a little home of her own ?
In married life in modest circumstances, where every
detail must be thought out and worked out by herself, where it is necessary to care for every atom of
material either of food, or house linen, or dress, or
cooking utensils if both ends of a slender income are to be made to meet, where, when the babies come,
every moment of the day must be carefully arranged if there is to be any peace or comfort for herself or her husband, what chance has an untrained, undisciplined, careless girl to make a success of her life ? If she does not marry, but goes into business, her need for training in orderliness is just as great.
Let us turn also to another aspect of this question which is too often overlooked.


47
In times of great trouble, sorrow, pain, or anxiety, all that seems left to hold to are the habits of daily life. When all one's world lies shattered around one. or when, more difficult still, it is necessary to go on with the "daily round and common task " while heart and brain are on the rack with sickening fear and anxiety, or with the pain of disgrace or sorrow for those one loves, what is the result if the daily habits (so strong that they are automatic) are good habits, orderly, quiet, and methodical ? One has seen such cases often enough. What unspeakable blessing and help has been found by many and many a self-controlled man and woman, during such times of trial, in the fact that the call of duty keeps them fully occupied. The very performance of the orderly daily tasks helps to show the way in which order may be brought out of the ruin and confusion that trouble seems to have made of their lives. There is every chance of recovery of brain and heart and nerves, and the successful building up again of the seemingly broken life, when self-control and discipline in small matters secure that quiet for the soul in which the voice of GOD may be heard.
In contrast to this, one often sees hysterical, uncontrolled men and women, during times of such distress, throwing overboard all the daily responsibilities, dropping the daily toil to sit in almost unbearable agony of mind and discomfort of body, brooding over trouble that is beyond their power


48
to help, and finally throwing up the sponge to seek relief in suicide, drink, reckless pleasure, or a ceaseless restlessness that drives them from place to place, and from occupation to occupation, to the misery, and often the ruin, of their children and relations.
In a lesser degree, one often sees trouble result from the unsettling influence of great happiness on the untrained man or woman. Many mothers know to their cost the personal discomfort, as well as the anxiety that they feel, when their girl or boy becomes thoroughly "out of gear " with daily duties owing to the exciting pleasure of an engagement or marriage. If this were not so, if more self-control were exercised during this happy period in life's history, years of unhappiness might sometimes be avoided.
It is scarcely possible, therefore, to exaggerate the importance of teaching even little children the need for order, punctuality, and self-control. To do this it is necessary to show them that, though they will be forgiven for being naughty or careless, they must take the consequences of their own actions.
For example. If the children will not get up in the morning in time to get off to school properly, after warning them or helping them once, or at most twice, it is far kinder in the long run to let them manage for themselves and take the punishment that comes from being late. In the case of the tiny ones some help must be given, but even a child of


49
five or six is quite able to put its own cap and coat and lesson-books ready for to-morrow's school. "Forgetting" is not sufficient excuse, neither is "I didn't think." Probably both facts were true at the time, but then the child must be taught to remember and to think. Such so-called excuses will not be of any use in later life. The doctor whose patient dies because he "forgot" to have ready an important instrument for an operation, or whose patient is crippled because he "didn't think" such a bandage or splint would be necessary when called to the scene of the accident, is not going to be let off a verdict of criminal negligence for excuses like this. The child must be taught this lesson while it is a child, or it will live to blame, not bless, the over-fond parents who always made good its mistakes and accepted any flimsy excuse to avoid punishment.
So if the children are late for school, or leave lessons unlearnt, or books at home, let them take the consequences, even if it means a good sound caning that they will remember, or a detention that will make them miss the long-looked-for treat; and if all the pocket-money has been spent before mother's birthday present is bought, do not always make the loss good. It does not mean that mother and father are less loving and fond; on the contrary, it is only the truest parent-love that will be brave enough to let the children suffer for their faults, for their own good, and it is quite possible to make the children


50
understand this. Is not this also the only way to teach them what we feel to be the meaning of our FATHER-GOD in sending the hard lessons of sorrow and pain to His children whom He loves ?

IV.—PLEASURES AND TREATS
In regard to the question of pleasures and treats there lies a very great difficulty for thoughtful parents at the present time.
We are living in what is, above all, a pleasure-loving age, and to guard our children against the general spirit of the day is quite impossible. There are a vast number of treats and pleasurable occupations for the children nowadays, as well as for the elders. School treats and festivals, Sunday-school and church treats, charity bazaars and theatricals, guilds and classes of all kinds, besides private, birthday, and Christmas parties, and picnics, bicycling, tennis, motoring, theatres, week-end and annual visits to seaside, country, or friends. It is extremely doubtful if all this excitement and constant amusement, too much of it "ready-made," is good for the children at all. It is more than probable that it creates or strengthens a love of continual pleasure separate from home duties and occupations, which makes the later restrictions of married or business life extremely trying to the young people. There is a grave danger in the lessening of home ties, home occupations, and family affections which is almost impossible to avoid when every evening of the week is occupied with


51
classes, clubs, or social gaieties. It is worth considering whether the simpler and less frequent pleasures of past days, which allowed time and strength for reading and study and quiet amusements for all the family together in the home, were not a healthier and sounder means of recreation than those of the present day. But whatever one may think, it is very difficult to go back to the methods of those days.
One fact, however, remains true. It cannot possibly be right for the children to have so many pleasures that home duties and family courtesies and attentions are neglected.
It is most necessary to guard against selfishness in children during the years of school life in any case, because self-development is the main duty of the child during all these years. It is the duty of the child to make every effort to train its own powers, feelings, and actions, and to strive for its own position and honour in every way during the weeks and months of the school year. This being the case, then, it is quite clear that definite helpfulness in one form or another must be expected and claimed from the child. Particularly should this help be given to those at home during the holiday weeks (as well as during term time for the good of the school community) if we would prevent the little one from becoming entirely self-centred and selfish for the rest of its life.
The question is, do we expect, and do we get,


52
as much real help, unselfish attention, or even common politeness, as we ought to receive from the children of to-day upon whom we spend so much care, time, money, thought, and pleasure ? Do we not hear instead the cry, "We must keep up with the children's interests " from parents who are straining every nerve to procure educational or social advantages for their children, or the money for extra holidays and pleasures of one kind or another ? How often does one hear from a tired, weary mother seeking a short hour's rest and recreation with a friend, "Oh, no, thank you, I could not possibly stay ; the children would not like it if I did not go back. I must give them their tea, arid there's the baby to put to bed." "But surely," one rejoins, "Mary is old enough to give the little ones their tea and to put baby to bed ? " "Oh, no, I never leave it to her," is the reply. "You see, she forgets things, and is rather careless; and, besides, she has her girls' club or her singing class to-night, I forget which, but it is one of the things she goes in for." Surely this cannot be right. One admits with regret that in a certain number of cases it is the mother who constantly goes out and who leaves the care of the children to the elder ones, or to the governess or servants ; but such cases are not nearly so numerous as those similar to the one described. The same thing runs through all classes of the community. The overworked, hard-driven mother of the poorest class


53
rarely seems to expect any help nowadays from her growing boys and girls; and in the richest homes the mother and father often perform their round of social, political, and philanthropic duties and obligations while the young folk fly here and there for their motoring, their golf, and their shooting.
Where does the difficulty lie ? Surely, in the first place, with the parents themselves, and also in the "spirit of the age," to which we each contribute our quota, and by which also we are largely influenced. How seldom one hears now the old phrase, "Duty first and pleasure after," yet the truth it conveys is still sound. It is almost as cruel to let love of pleasure take so firm a hold on a child as it is to expose it to the temptations of drink, of gambling, or of vice. Combined with loving service for others, pleasure has a true place and influence in life, but without this sense of duty and of love it is like a drug, insidious and evil, which leads in the long run to utter boredom, discontent, and unhappiness. By all means let us give the children as happy and gay a childhood as possible, but let us strive with all our strength to keep them from foolish and selfish indulgence in pleasure that will only end in unhappiness.

V.-THE PHYSICAL SIDE OF TRAINING
There is another aspect of training that it is well to think about, and that is the physical side.


54
There is a school of thought at the present time that believes that all pain and discomfort is in itself bad, and to be avoided wherever possible. It is very
doubtful whether this is really true. No one would be found to say that it was a good thing to give pain to any living thing without good reason and purpose, in order t0 prevent some greater evil of body or of soul. To believe that all pain is evil and to be prevented at all costs, however, is to run a great risk of making ourselves "soft " and cowardly, and to allow disease of spirit and soul to take possession of us through dread of hard work, effort, or pain.
In training children it is necessary to be very careful in this respect, for it is terrible to see children suffer in any way, and hard not to pet and comfort them for every ache or pain, but it is not kind to do so. For instance, it is most unwise to bribe a child to take medicine or to have a tooth pulled out, yet it is constantly done. It is far better to tell the little thing straight out that the medicine is nasty and that the tooth will hurt, and to expect it, as a matter of course, because it is a British child, to bear the discomfort or pain without crying out or grumbling.
This is also true in regard to matters connected with health. Continually to ask a child how it is feeling when it is ill, and to discuss medical details and symptoms in its presence, is to fill its little brain full of ideas of its aches and pains, and to create the habit of constantly considering whether it feels well


55
or ill. The amount of medical knowledge which many children possess is really revolting to a healthy-
minded person, while the lackadaisical airs and graces over headaches and toothaches and what used to be called "growing pains" is really too serious to be as funny as it appears at first sight.
A lady who had had to bear long months of most trying ill-health once said : "I cannot be too thankful that when we were young my mother, although she was always most sympathetic and kind if we had headaches or heavy colds, always expected us to go right on with our lessons or household duties. We were never let off doing anything unless we were ill enough to go to bed and see the doctor. Nothing has stood me in such good stead during all these months as this habit of going right on."
This is indeed a most valuable lesson for any child to learn, and one which is absolutely necessary, for, for most of us, the daily bread must be earned and daily duties done in spite of aches and pains. And what joy is so keen as the wonderful sense of the power that enables mind and spirit and conscience to conquer bodily weakness and temptation ?
It is perfectly possible for a mother to watch the most delicate child and to make close observation of it without the child being conscious that it is being treated as an invalid. It is possible, also, when necessary, to shorten the hours of lessons, or to alter some of the little daily duties that have been given


56
to that child, without allowing it to feel that it is an invalid who must always be excused for this or that fault or ill-temper.
In regard to punishment one can only lay down broad principles. We have progressed greatly in our knowledge and understanding of children. For instance, no one would now dream of continuing the custom of flogging children for small faults and intellectual dullness which at one time prevailed. Neither do we wish to perpetuate that arbitrary form of rule which failed to develop the personal self-control of the child, and which, when it was discarded, frequently resulted in a reaction in favour of complete self-indulgence. At the same time, one cannot help seeing that we are coming to have a morbid and unwise dread of all forms of compulsion and physical pain. The habit of prompt and unquestioning obedience must be formed, and formed practically during infancy. It is not possible to reason with an infant of three, yet obedience there must be, and it must be enforced, if the mother's or father's word or look is not sufficient, which it should be, as a rule.
It is necessary to find out (but not by injudicious questioning of the child) the cause of the wrongdoing, and then to decide the form of punishment necessary. Great care must be taken, however, that such attempts to understand the children do not develop into excuse-making and excuse-taking on the


57
part of parent and child, for this only results in present and future misery for all concerned. It is impossible to discuss here the various forms of punishment suitable for different cases. One can only say, briefly, that the sole object of punishment is remedy, and that there are cases where it is more merciful to give a whipping, properly and privately administered, than to allow a fault to continue, or to prolong other methods which have failed to remedy the mischief, and which, if continued, make the child feel hopelessly and constantly naughty, and the parent or teacher feel constantly cross and "nagging."
Whatever its form, no punishment should be given or ordered when the parent or teacher is angry or irritated, or the child's quick sense of justice may be wounded, and consequently the punishment will be rendered ineffective, for the child will feel that it was only the result of the grown-up person's temper, and not due to its own naughtiness. In spite of this precaution, however, there must on no account be explanations or arguments about any matter. Any such tendency must be stopped immediately. An order given or a rule made must be obeyed at once and without question, as, for instance, in the matter of going off to bed at the very first word, or in regard to punctual appearance at the breakfast table. Such few rules as govern the household must be strictly observed, and their infringe-


58
ment must entail some form of punishment. This is absolutely necessary, not only if confusion, discomfort, and "nagging " are to be avoided, but that the habit of unquestioning obedience may be learnt. The development of the individual self-control and power of moral action is aided rather than hindered by such means. As the child's reason develops he perceives the necessity for such regulations for the individual and for the family ; but the formation of the habit of obedience must come first, and must be insisted upon, from the earliest years, at all costs of time, trouble, patience, or even, if necessary, of punishment.
In regard to punishment at school. It is the parents' business to select the school carefully. When this is done, it is only fair to the teachers and to the child alike to uphold the authority of the school and the discipline maintained there. It is most unwise to allow a child ever to hear criticism of a teacher. If the teacher's methods and ways are not satisfactory, it is quite possible to find out what is amiss without discussing the whole matter with the child. Then, if matters are seriously wrong, the child can either be taken away from that school, or the parents can go to the teacher and quietly ask his or her version of the case, and then decide what shall be done. Little children have a natural and wholesome regard for those in authority, and they rely on all "grown-ups" to say and do what is right.


59
It is a serious matter, therefore, to allow a child to find out that its parents can find fault with its teachers ; it upsets the child's trust and faith in nearly all its little world, and ever after lessens its regard for any authority, sometimes even that which is Divine.
In conclusion one can but repeat that the training of each child must in detail be individually decided upon. It is equally sure, however, that certain broad principles must be adhered to. Self-control, and a practical experience of the laws of consequence, must be instilled into every infant and into every growing boy and girl, if they are to be properly equipped to face life, and if our nation is to rise to the magnificent responsibilities which have been placed in its hands.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Essay No. 15.
The Paramount Need of Training in Youth
BY
His Grace the Archbishop of Westminster

No craft, no art was ever learnt without a long and strenuous course of self-discipline. Before even a small measure of useful skill can be attained, there must be fixed purpose, concentration of thought, and repeated practice of eye and muscle continued over many weary weeks and even years. Such effort does not come naturally to anyone. Nature seeks immediate and constantly changing satisfaction, and it is only by appeal to some higher object seen from afar that we can be brought to renounce the immediate baser contentment in pursuit of a distant greater satisfaction.
In early childhood no direct appeal can be made to an ideal of which the infant mind is still unconscious, and yet all the while habits are being instinctively formed that will tell for ultimate virtue or vice. Thus an external aid must be brought t0 bear upon the growing child leading him to accept, before he understands the reason of it, the course
61


62
which an enlightened intelligence knows to be right and true. Training and discipline, which often mean constraint and painful repression, are nowhere more needed than in the all-important art and craft of training man and woman to be fit to play their part in life.
Nothing can be clearer than this to anyone who cares to think, and it is probably because so many think but little, that, at the present day, the enforcing of duty upon children with that gradual training to self-discipline which should accompany every development of their reasoning power no longer holds its rightful place in education. Children are humoured and thereby rendered weak in will ; or they are neglected and left to follow the instinct of the moment, so that they never attain any fixed principle of action.
The evil of this would be manifest even if there were no Revelation and no Christian Dispensation. But the Divine Teacher, enforcing, as He ever does, the teachings of the reason that He has given us, and raising them to a higher plane, has left us in no doubt. The law of the Gospel is a law of self-denial, a law of self-restraint. There can be no attainment of its ideals without the renunciation of many cherished things; and obedience to its precepts is impossible except on the part of those who are prepared to sacrifice their whims and caprices in order to do their duty.


63
Thus the Christian parent has a twofold obligation, but at the same time his task is rendered easier in that he can present to his children a severe moral law enforced by a Teacher Whose love of His creatures has made that law both gentler in appearance and easier of fulfilment. And we can scarcely look for a return to stricter discipline in our country, unless there is a fuller and truer conception of the sterner side of the revelation of Jesus Christ. If this be left in shadow and rarely dwelt upon, all other forms of appeal, however eloquently expressed, will have no very lasting effect.
What parents are called upon to accomplish towards their children whose training is primarily in their hands, that the nation may have to do in the interest of its own safety and development. A State is in danger when its inhabitants reek not of its needs, or are unable to stand in its defence, and this must be the case when vast numbers of them grow up with little sense of discipline, and live lives that are quite untrained. Much is said nowadays about the urgent necessity of adequate military defence of our country. Most men shrink from a system of universal conscription as alien to all the traditions of our race, and likely to bring with it the undoubted evils which accompany it elsewhere. Few, on the other hand, are satisfied with our existing state of preparation for possible attack. Might not the problem be largely solved by greater insistence on


64
that voluntary self-discipline and self-training which are the groundwork of all Education, leaving harsh compulsion for those alone who resist the gentler appeal ? Doubtless this thought has been in many minds. Already in school life many hours in every day are set aside for sports and games of varying attractiveness and utility. Could not this physical exercise be so arranged as to make it possible for every boy of ordinary health to raise himself, by the time that manhood is attained, to a certain standard of military efficiency, which could be easily developed and maintained until middle life is reached ? Were the demand once made, schools would very soon make the necessary changes needed to meet it.
For those whose educational life is bounded only by the University the needful training would be rendered very easy, by devoting to a more definite purpose some portion of the large space already belonging to amusement. Health would not suffer, the nation would gain immeasurably.
Those, on the other hand, who enter on some definite occupation at an earlier age would be obliged to seek their completer training in their leisure hours, after their daily task of toil was finished; and the State would find a very profitable return for the outlay that such training would necessarily throw on the public funds.
When such an appeal had been made to all men of good will to take up the burden freely, and to fit


65
themselves to do their duty to their country, then might it be sternly enacted that all those who have failed to give ear thereto, and who have wilfully neglected to attain the reasonable efficiency demanded of them—that they, and they alone, should, by compulsion of the law, be forced to undergo training under stern military conditions until they place themselves on a level of military preparedness with their more generous self-disciplined fellow-countrymen. If we have faith in our country, we may trust that the neglectful residue would soon be very small.
Where, whether in childhood or in later life, a choice can be given between constraint and willing obedience, constraint is out of place, save in most dire necessity.
May some such course, built up on the foundations of duty and discipline laid in childhood, solve this problem, while it heals many of our other ills.

Click for Map
sitemap | cookie policy | privacy policy | accessibility statement