Neath Ferret (mustela putorius furo nidum)
Some time ago I wrote about the serial killers (cats) we might be harbouring in our own homes. I've since written about dogs as well. This week I want to introduce you to another four-legged creature, but instead of there being 8 million of them in the UK, in this case there is only the one. And it lives locally. This is what I have found out about it.
A cousin of the domestic Ferret, mustela putorius furo the Neath Ferret (mustela putorius furo nidum) was discovered in the town of Neath about 2008. The Latin translation of Neath Ferret, rather unfortunately, is "stinking little mouse-catching Neath thief".
Like its domestic cousin, the Neath Ferret is inquisitive, intelligent and needs mental stimulation. The Common Ferret is crepuscular i.e. is most active at dawn and dusk. In contrast the Neath Ferret is active throughout the day and in the evening but actually sleeps at night. It can however sometimes lie dormant for large parts of the week, then will suddenly explode into frenetic activity when it is probably at its most dangerous. Thus far the only person able to keep it under control is a person called Ed.
The lifespan of the creature is not known as there are no real comparables to look at. Its cousin can live to 10 years of age in captivity but the average is 6 years. The Neath Ferret has certainly evolved into a much larger creature than when it was first discovered, and with this increase in size it has become more aggressive and dangerous.
Like its cousin, it is carnivorous. Its favourite food is local Councillors, which it is apt to take bites out of when it is hungry. Some Councillors have tried to make friends with it in the hope it will take other prey instead. This diversionary tactic has never been successful. For the Neath Ferret is a cunning beast, enticing the Councillors into its territory with friendly overtures, then suddenly attacking them, often leaving them badly wounded. Having endured a savaging by the Ferret these Councillors seldom return.
Another of its favourite treats is the local MP but this prey has proved exceptionally difficult to hurt because of his Teflon-like, exceptionally thick skin. The Ferret has so far only inflicted superficial wounds on this elusive creature, who is very rarely spotted in the Ferret's territory. When he does appear he is invariably surrounded by a posse of sycophants which he likes to use as further protection. But the Ferret lives in hope. He only has to get lucky once. And he is a patient creature.
So far only one local Councillor has survived the Ferret's regular attacks and the Councillor now maintains almost the perfect symbiotic relationship with the creature. The Councillor has learned he can let off steam in the Ferret's presence, enabling him to wind down after the stress of a day in his Council's offices drinking tea and trying to behave like an Alpha male. He will stray into the Ferret's territory now and again and goad the Ferret, lashing out at it even. When he enters the Ferret's domain he only hangs around a short time, then beats a hasty retreat to feed his Goldfish which he is extremely attached to, possibly as it won't answer him back.
A Goldfish is a great pet to have as unlike a dog which can tend to want to dominate and be the leader of the pack, I have never seen this behaviour recorded in the Goldfish. In the Goldfish's company it is much easier to be the Alpha, the pack leader.
Goldfish aren't noted for their intellectual ability either. No Goldfish has ever been able to put letters after its name. In fact, despite having all the advantages of the much vaunted education provided in Neath Port Talbot, no Goldfish has ever left a local school with as much as a GCSE. It is a damning indictment of the education in the County Borough that the Goldfish has been failed by the system notwithstanding its Special Needs status. On the bright side, the Goldfish has consistently proved to be the best swimmer in the class - apart from when it has to do backstroke.
This Councillor's periodic blusterings in the Ferret's territory have been a subject much debated. Mindful of the Councillor's apparent unwillingness to engage in debate, the Ferret generally bites him just enough to let him know how far he can go. The Ferret has to be very careful when it bites this Councillor who has been accused of having exceedingly thin skin for someone in the public eye. But occasionally the Ferret will lose its temper and inflict more severe injuries. However it takes extra care not to hurt him so badly that he will not come back. An outside observer could not be blamed for thinking that the Councillor might actually enjoy the Ferret's company, for he keeps coming back for more.
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Note: the views expressed above are entirely those of Stan and obviously not those of the Editor and his team who look after the Ferret and try their best to ensure it doesn't seriously injure anyone. Stan has no connection with the Editor or his/her team.
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