" Where do I start..."

 

My name is Michelle I'm 39, (nearly 40), and I'm TV/CD and have been for a number of years now. Things felt a bit strange as I was going through my early teens and I didn't understand what was going on. I had these feelings and thoughts and although having 2 sisters at home I never dressed up in their stuff, that would have been just too wierd.

 

In my early teens and up to 1998 I struggled with the idea of what I was/am, mainly because I thought it meant I was gay and I knew 100% that I wasn't.Then when I left school and got into the whole relationship thing I kind of talked myself out of it and put it down to a 'phase I was going through'. I did try it again a few times but again threw it out cos of the gay/not gay thing. Then I did a bit of research and found out that a lot of people with the same lifestyle aren't gay either.

 

In 1998 the revelation happened. I went to a friend's party, it was fancy dress and I went as Baby Spice. although it was done as a bit of fun when I got home and chilled afterwards I looked back on the night and the whole part of getting girlyfied and being somebody else was really good.

 

 It's not about escapism or anything like that, I really enjoy being Michelle,I don't know why or have reasons why, I just do. Maybe thats the whole point. Does there have to be a reason....?

 

So far only one other person knows - 'C'. She is my rock and although I was absolutely shit scared of telling her, in case I lost her as a friend, she was so cool about the whole thing.

 

So where am I at the moment.....

 

I have quite a lot of clothes and some accessories, bought whilst out and about or on shopping sprees with 'C'. I also have a very Basic Make-up collection which as I get more confident in applying and wearing will hopefully expand.

 

When I feel I can achieve the look I want in make up,clothes,hair etc etc I would love to go out for the night clubbing or something where I can just enjoy being who I want to be. Then I can stop just being me for a few hours at the end of the day in private, and live a little.

 

I'm still looking for that special someone who I can trust enough to share these feelings with and who I can enjoy being with and spending my life with.

 

What is this site all about...Well at first it's a personal diary/blog but hopefully it will be somewhere where others with the same lifestyle can come to find helpful advice hints and tips to make life a little more bearable.

 

Well that's the story so far..........

 

SO HERE GOES....